This Life That I've Had
by norrific
Summary: "Just do me a favor, make sure everyone knows that the 'prison clause' when it comes to Tara is null and void"
1. Chapter 1

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: This is my first SOA fic, but the wait until season 4 is painful especially with still being a month or two away from getting any info regarding the new season. So to keep myself sane, I decided to write a season 4 fic. This story picks up right where season 3 ended. I decided to write a story dealing with Jax's guilt in how he treated Tara for the better part of season 3 and how his guilt manifest itself into self-doubt and fear of what Tara is doing without him.**

**At least the first two chapter will take place with the guys in prison, the story is from Jax's POV. Also, this story rated M for a reason.**

**This Life That I've Had**

**Chapter 1**

_Week One:_

_Hey Babe,_

_I'll make this quick as I know any minute now Gemma will be blowing up your phone. Probably be banging down the door if she could leave the house. I'm going to need you to burn this letter after you finish and I'm sorry for all the James Bond shit, but you have to know the truth and that truth has to stay within._

_The Club will be doing short time. Fourteen months babe, fourteen months and I'll be back with you and our boys. This deal with Stahl, it needed to be done, Clay and the guys all agreed. But you and mom had to be out of it, they all agreed on that, too. I'm not going in a rat. So when I come back to you it won't be in a box._

_I made arrangements with Lowen, the papers should be there within the week. I want Abel to be with you. Gemma's gonna shit, but you're his mom. He belongs with you._

_I am so sorry for the last few months, Ima, pushing you away like I did. It makes me sick just to think about it. You're not just my family Tara, you're my home, the thought of something happening to you tears me apart. Now I realize the best way to keep you safe is to keep you with me. I promise you Tara, on my life, that I'll never push you away again. I know what I need to do now. And I know I can only do it with you at my side._

_I love you, I love our boys. Always._

_Jax_

_Jax,_

_Lowen said it'll be a couple of weeks before we can see you guys. Needless to say your mother had more than a few words to about that. I guess you figure that by going to prison we can avoid a few things, like that fist to the face you so truly deserve. I don't know if you realize I now have some time to get really pissed off._

_I miss you. You've been gone a day and already I miss you so much I can't stand it. Last night I wore one of your shirts to bed and wrapped myself around a pillow to fool myself into thinking you were there. It's a trick I learned while you were in Ireland. It works better now that I know you're coming back._

_Writing this letter is probably pointless, I'll probably see you before it gets to you. But I doubt anything I've written will be any less true. I have to go pry our boy away from your mother, though it's beginning to look like I may have to move in with her if I want to see him._

_I love you, our kids love you. Forever._

_Tara_

Reading the last line of her letter, Jax couldn't help but to chuckle. "Hey, Grandpa," He called up to Clay's bunk. "My old lady seems convinced she's giving you a granddaughter."

"Yeah, well you tell her that happens the kid is going into a nunnery on her fourteenth birthday." Clay gave an annoyed huff. "Goddamn, do you remember Tara at fourteen?"

Jax remembered her going away to visit her cousin in San Diego and not being able to see her until the first day of school, the first day they started high school. And she wasn't at all the skinny little girl who left in June. All of a sudden Tara had legs, legs that went all the way up to an ass he knew she didn't have before she left. "Thirteen," Jax decided as he recalled the way his fourteen year old self responded to Tara. "The kid will be in the nunnery at thirteen."

_Week Three:_

Weeks had gone by, weeks that seemed like years, and had Jax doubting he could really go fourteen months. But today, _finally_, he'd get to see his family again. Sitting at the metal table, he couldn't keep his hands still, his thumb and pinky beating out a rhythm less tune. Clay glanced over his shoulder, giving him a look that told him to cool it.

Then he heard it, the buzz alerting the doors being opened, the soft gibberish of a baby. And then she was there, through the door, across the room, close enough for him to touch. To kiss.

"Alright, Teller. You're not going to get too many more warnings."

Instead of shooting an annoyed look back at the PO as he wanted to, Jax took a step back so he could see them. Really see his family.

"Hey," Briefly, because the dickhead PO was still watching, he laid a hand over her slightly rounded stomach. Wanted so badly to slip his hand beneath the material of the flannel shirt she wore.

Tara smiled. "Hey."

"There's my boy, come here kid. Come see your old man." He lifted Abel out of Tara's arms, hugged the baby tightly to his chest as he settled back down on the bench. "He's getting big."

"Bigger by the day."

"I miss you." He placed a hand on the table, clasping tightly to the one she placed on top of it. "Both of you. All of you."

Tara's hand tightened on his as well. "We miss you, too."

And because it was them. Jax and Tara, they said nothing else for a long while. Simply sat, smiling, happy to be together if only for a little while.

_Month Four:_

Jax frowned when, instead of making her way immediately over to him, Tara paused by the door to speak quietly to the PO. After a few moments the guard held up a hand and motioned to one of the others. A quick, terse conversation began. Jax imagined Tara's voice was completely calm, utterly reasonable, and it made him wonder just what it was she was trying to get done.

After a while, both guards nodded. One pointed in Jax's general direction, and Tara nodded as well. When they began to approached Jax gave a sigh of relief before standing.

"Wait," Tara instructed as she stopped between Clay and Bobby's tables. She placed Abel on his feet. The baby wobbled a bit, pitched forward but caught himself before he went down. Then he took one step, then another, and another.

Jax was speechless. The kid was walking. Walking. It was slow work, the kid definitely looked like Franken baby, but fuck the kid was walking. When it seemed like he'd gotten as far as he was willing to go, Jax scooped him up.

"You gotta be shitting me," His grin was wide as he pulled Tara into his arms for a kiss. "When did he start this?"

"The other night, I went to pick him up from your mom's, and he was balancing himself on the table. When he saw me he just started right for me, didn't even realize what he was doing."

"That's awesome." Sliding back onto the bench, he pulled on Abel's T-shirt, the words **Birthday Boy** were printed on the front. His son was going to be a year old in a few days. Obviously there was going to be a huge deal at Gemma's house, Tara promised to take lots of pictures, but it wouldn't be the same. So he knew this was her way of making him feel like part of the celebration.

Four months, he'd been on the inside for four months, and already he missed so much. "How'd his last doctor's appointment go?"

"Fine," Reaching out Tara took her son's hand. "If it's possible he's even more perfect now then he was before."

"And the baby, he's okay, too."

"My appointment's next week," Tara informed him. "And I absolutely can not wait to prove you wrong when we confirm the sex of our daughter."

"First of all, don't ever use the words 'sex' and 'our daughter' in the same sentence. If the kid is a girl, she's never allowed to have sex." Jax shuddered at the thought. Imagined a little girl, all blonde pigtails and big green eyes. Then imagined building a tower with a mote and a drawbridge. "Second, you're not going to prove me wrong."

Tara gave a mischievous grin. "Wanna bet?"

God he loved when she grinned that way. "Alright. So when I'm right, what do I get?"

"What do you want?"

Jax's eyes traveled down to her mouth, tried not to remember the last time he felt her mouth wrapped around him. Last thing he wanted was a raging hard on while he held his kid.

Tara rolled her eyes, but nodded her agreement all the same. He didn't have to say what it was he wanted, she knew that look in his eyes well enough. "Fine, but if I win you have to spend an entire day watching the kids with no help from Gemma."

"What are you going to be doing?"

"Don't worry about it. Do we have a deal?" She held a hand out over the table.

Without taking his eyes off of hers, Jax gripped her hand in his. "Yeah."

With a large grin on his lips and a cocky strut, Jax made his way across the yard to where the other Sons were waiting. Clay looked up and spotted him first, his eyes were expectant, anxious.

"Well," Clay began. "What did Lowen say?"

"Nothing about our case, everything there is the same. Everybody back home is fine."

"What in the hell did she want to talk to you for?" Tig wanted to know.

Grin firmly in place, Jax made sure he had all the guys attention. "Tara went for her sonogram earlier. It's a boy. I'm going to have another son."

"A boy." Clay grabbed Jax in a hard hug. "I'll be damned, another boy." Pulling back, he placed one massive hand on the side of Jax's face. "Dodged a bullet there, didn't we?"

"Don't count those chickens just yet, she wants at least one more. That little girl can still be on her way."

"We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. Decide on names yet."

"Yeah, Benjamin. After her grandfather."

Clay nodded. "Ben Knowles was a fine man."

When Clay stepped back, Bobby was the next to congratulate him followed by Juice.

"That's great man. How's the Doc doing?"

Jax frowned, not fully understanding why the question bothered him. "She's good." The feeling only intensified when Tig congratulated him and asked after Tara as well. "Like I said, she's good."

"What the hell is your problem?" Tig demanded.

"Nothing." Jax started to walk away, but couldn't ignore that churning in his gut. "Why are you so concerned about Tara?"

"While you were in Ireland, Tara did a lot for us. More specifically she did a lot for me. She's a good girl." Tig made what could only be described as a full body shrug, a sure sign that he was uncomfortable. "I like her. That little prick Salazar, I think he hurt her. Just want to make sure she's not still feeling it, you know. "

"Well, I took care of Salazar. And I'll take care of Tara. She's not for you to worry about."

"Like you took care of her after what happened to Abel. Or while you were in Ireland. The way I understand it, the only person you took care of then was Ima."

Jax snapped and lunged for Tig, only to be pulled up short by Clay. "Fuck you, you son of a bitch."

Before Tig could respond, Bobby used his body to crowd him back. Holding his hands up so the guard's would see there were no problems. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

At the same time, Clay was walking Jax away as well. "Hey, you calm the hell down. Your brothers were just showing some concern for your old lady, be happy they give a shit."

"Well, I don't need them to be concerned about my old lady."

"Look," Clay gave Jax an impatient shake. "I don't know what's eating your ass, but you better get your shit together. Tara's family, we take care of family. And while you're in here, it's your brothers on the outside that's making sure the Russians stay far away from her."

"Ope,"

"Brother."

Jax greeted his best friend, his brother in a hug.

"You okay in here?"

"As I can be." Pulling back, Jax dropped back on to the bench. Reaching up he gave his beard an irritating rub. Tara made mention during her last visit that she wasn't too fond of his 'Opie look', now in order to prove he wasn't completely pussy-whipped he had to keep it longer. "How's things? Lyla and the kids? Tara tells me you're putting off the wedding."

"Can't get married with half my family locked up. It's just a few months, gives Gemma time to help Lyla plan."

"You mean it gives Gemma time to take over."

Opie gave a low chuckle. "Yeah, pretty much. Tara called, Abel's fever broke."

"Poor little guy. I hate that he's sick." But couldn't say he hated not being there. Jax didn't think he could handle seeing Abel sick again. Though it should have been easier, after everything else the kid went through the cold he caught from Ellie should have been a breeze, but Jax knew he probably wouldn't have been able to do it.

"Lucky for him his mom is a doctor. Though it seems all the kid want is Tara anyway, really doesn't matter to him that she's a doctor."

Jax smiled, there was no way Tara could give him shit now about being a momma's boy when she was raising one herself. "Who's with her while you're here? Chibs?"

Opie shook his head. "Chibs is on Gemma." He gave a long suffering sigh. "The thing is, Jax, I'm not on Tara. She wouldn't have it, told me my place was at home with my own family."

"So, who's looking out for her? Kozik?" The feeling that burned deep in his gut was not entirely unfamiliar. "Tig says he worked real hard to get her back from Salazar."

"Kozik had to head back to Washington, some business up there had to be settled. Aiden, new guy ready to make the transfer from Ireland, he's on her until Kozik comes back."

Aiden, from Ireland, who he didn't know from Adam. "What do we know about this guy?"

Opie frowned. He and Jax were brothers, had been long before they wore the same cut. "Where's your head at, brother?"

"Ima," Off Opie's look he gave a quick shake of his head. "Tara told me the one thing she couldn't forgive is me cheating. Because of everything that happened with Salazar and Jimmy O and the Russians, we never really had a chance to have it out."

"Come on, Jax, this is Tara we're talking about. You really think she'd mess around just to get back at you?"

It was a test to there friendship that Opie would know exactly what he was thinking, without him really having to spell it out. "She did it before. Sophomore year she caught me with Missy Stewart, so she fooled around with some guy to teach me a lesson."

Didn't matter that at the time, they were technically split up. That Missy Stewart didn't mean shit to him. Jax had been miserable, he and Tara had been a part for two days, and he'd been so fucking miserable he could barely breathe. The first day she wouldn't look at him, wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. The second night, at one of Hale's stupid ass post game parties, Jax figured he'd push Tara a bit by cuddling up to the first blonde he saw. Knowing he'd rip the arms off any guy who so much as touched Tara, Jax figured she'd have pretty much the same reaction if she saw him with another girl.

Tara, however, never did the expected. She'd taken one look at Jax, turned her nose up in disgust, and kept right on walking. It was about an hour later, when Hale came up to him, all puffed up and pissed off about Tara with some other guy. Opie was the one who stopped Jax in his tracks. Who told him to pull his head out of his ass, let whatever pissy ass argument he was having with Tara go, and put everyone around them out of their misery.

Opie shifted uncomfortably on the bench. "That was fifteen years ago."

Jax realized he was being ridiculous, but was unable to help the thoughts that plagued him during the long nights he was in bed alone wondering what Tara was doing. "What about the new guys? What better way to prove what a big dick you have than to nail the VP's old lady."

"The VP's old lady would have to be down for that and I can assure you brother, Tara isn't. You gotta get your head right, Jax. It's the only way you're going to make it out of here sane."

"You're right." Of course he was right. But this was the first visit Tara missed and immediately Jax began to think this may just be the first of many. That the longer he was in here, the more distance would grow between them. "Yeah. Just do me a favor, make sure everyone knows that the 'prison clause' when it comes to Tara, that shit is null and fucking void."


	2. Chapter 2

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: I would like to thank everyone who read, reviewed and alerted to this story. I have the first couple of chapters written, so I'm going to try to get them up in a timely manner. This chapter is more a continuation of the last, but it was two long to put in one post, at least I thought, and deals mainly with the birth of the new baby. **

**Again this story is from Jax's POV, so everything in italics is being said on screen.**

**I don't know if I mentioned that the name of this fic comes from a song called _Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want_ by The Smiths. I chose it while rewatching season one, during the episode Giving Back Jax was telling Opie how he wouldn't know how to react if his life ever straightened out. And I just felt like season 4 Jax would want to get out of prison and have his old lady, his kids, and his club with no drama. It won't be that way, obviously, but it seemed like a natural place for him to want to be.**

**To Jaxolelady: yeah I always felt that Tara was a little wild. She had to be, can you imagine how wild a 17y/o Jax was, and she not only kept up with him, but hooked him completely. And it's shown itself a time or two (bathroom sex, shooting up Ima's car). She said her catfighting days were behind her, I don't think that was a figure of speech.**

**Chapter 2**

_Month Seven:_

"There a problem with our case, counselor?"

Jax didn't know what it was, but every time someone said lawyer, Clay began stressing over something going wrong with their deal. Granted Jax wasn't entirely sure why Lowen would arrange to meet with all of them. Any more then he could guess the circumstances that would have prison officials allowing her to meet with them all at once.

The room was set up with a row of chairs, a TV sat dead center, and Jax had to admit he had no idea what the hell was going on.

"No problem," Lowen assured as she held up a black DVD case. "But just know, I'm only doing this because I consider Tara a friend." When they were all settled, she pushed play on the DVD player and stepped back.

"_How in the hell do I turn this thing on?" _Gemma's voice came through, although the screen remained black.

"_I think you just flip that little thing out."_ Lyla advised.

"_What? Shit, all the times Juice would get his stupid ass locked up. There…"_

The picture came through and they were treated to a clear shot down Gemma's top. Everyone had enough sense to be looking somewhere else, even without Clay's warning.

"_Okay," _The picture changed and it was clear Gemma was holding the camera away from her. _"Hey boys, it is currently 5 Tuesday morning and well…"_

There was a loud crash, the picture became shaky and unfocused before it was turned on Chibs and a guy Jax assumed had made the transfer.

"Opie what are you doing standing around? _Where's Tara? Jackie-boy'll shit if she has that baby here."_

The light dawned and all the men began to cheer.

"Tuesday? Yesterday, she had the baby yesterday?" Jax asked.

"You want me to answer or do you want to finish watching."

By way of an answer Jax motioned for her to restart the video.

"_You guys need to keep it down." _Not looking at all like a woman about to give birth, Tara made her way out of the nursery. _"If Abel wakes up while I'm still here, we'll never get out of here without him."_

"_Hey Jackie-boy," _Suddenly Chibs' face filled the screen. _"That kid of yours is a right Mama's boy. Wonder where he gets that from, eh?"_

"_Here, darlin'"_ It was the Irish accent that clued Jax in on the fact that he was probably looking at Aiden. The guy was the total opposite of Jax. Dark hair, dark neatly trimmed goattee. Worn black boots, black thermal under his cut, and well worn jeans. _"You should sit down."_

"_Move," _With one arm, Opie practically tossed Aiden aside. _"I'll help her, you go get the bag and put it in the car."_

"_Sure, where's your keys Tara?"_

Tara frowned. _"At the shop, with my car. And Gemma's car. Tell me you brought the van. When we called, we very clearly told you to bring the van."_

"_We didn't really listen to the entire message." _Opie admitted quietly. _"We heard that you were in labor and kind of hauled ass over here."_

"_Goddamn it. Lyla call Piney, tell him we need the van. Who was the dumb ass that insisted Tara and I both put our cars in the shop this week."_

For all the loyalty in the club, no one wanted to face Gemma's wrath. So Jax wasn't surprised at how quickly Opie and Chibs pointed to an unsuspecting Colin.

Whatever rant Gemma was getting ready for was cut off when Tara bent near double. _"You gotta breathe through those, baby." _Gemma coached_. "Breathe." _Tara cut her a look that let everyone know just exactly what she thought of that advice. _"Hey, watch it. I'm not the one who did this to you, Jax is."_

"Damn right," Jax nodded smugly, earning a high five from Juice.

"_I really think we should get her to the hospital." _There was just a hint of panic in Opie's eyes. Jax could remember that by the time Donna had gotten this far along in labor her mother had come to take over. Much to Opie's everlasting relief. _"You think I can get her there on my bike."_

"_I'm not going to the hospital on the back of your goddamn bike, Opie." _Tara snapped.

"I'm telling you," Tig leaned back in his chair. "I'm liking her more and more."

"_Chibs, bring one of the chairs in out of the kitchen." _Gemma instructed. _"Opie help her into it."_

"_What about me? Tara, luv, you need anything from me."_

"_No, Aiden, thanks but there's nothing anyone can do until Piney gets here."_

"_I could keep track of your contractions."_

"_That's taken care of, too. Right, Ope?"_

Opie nodded, but when Tara glanced away it was quite clear he hadn't been doing that at all. "Ah, shit, she's going to kill him by the time this is over." Jax concluded.

"_Hey, what'd I miss." _Kozik rushed into the room. _"The kid's not here yet is he."_

"_Yeah, brother, she's gotten to the hospital, had the baby, gone up to Stockton where Jax knocked her up again." _Chibs knocked Kozik upside the head. _"What the fuck is wrong wit you?"_

"_Where in the hell is Piney with that van?"_ Gemma demanded. _"Waiting on him, she may very well pop that kid out here."_

A look that could only be described as sheer panic swept across Opie's face just as Tara was hit with another contraction. In a move Jax couldn't say he was entirely surprised by, Opie swept Tara up in his arms and began to move quickly towards the door.

"_Opie! Opie, you can't carry her all the way to the hospital." _The picture became jumbled as Gemma began to chase after him. _"Opie come back, Piney's here now. Goddamn it."_

The screen went black only to come back a moment later. This time they were clearly in the hospital, what looked like one of the corridors. They could hear Chibs not so quietly swearing as he tried to work the viewer.

"_Got it. Hey, Jackie-boy, we've been here about an hour now and I think it's safe to say the only doctor in this entire hospital worth shit is the lovely Tara here. They've got her walking around to try to shake the baby loose. Isn't that right, Tara? Send Jackie-boy a kiss there, love."_

Tara was in a hospital gown now, two actually, one tied in the back another on the opposite way like a robe. Her hair was brushed back in a ponytail, and she seemed slightly more irritable then she had before. She had one hand braced on the wall, while Aiden walked besides her, guiding her along. _"Hey, baby. They're not actually trying to shake the baby loose, I think they wanted me out of the room so I would stop pushing the call button. How'd you get that camera from Gemma, anyway?"_

"_Her and that Margaret woman were getting into it. I think she set it down so that both hands could be free if she needed them_._ But don't worry, darlin, Kozik and Opie are there. Things won't get too crazy."_

"_Move," _Opie was suddenly on screen and much like he had before, he used one arm to shove Aiden away from Tara. _"You doing okay, Tara?"_

"_Well as can be expected. You didn't leave Gemma and Margaret alone did you?"_

"_Naw, Unser came, he took Gemma out for a smoke."_

"_Jesus, is the entire town coming?"_

"_The deputy mayor was here"_ Opie gave a sly grin. _"But I think that had more to do with you than the little prince. Toby Martin always had a soft spot for Tara."_

Toby had been two years ahead of them, he and Hale ran with the same crowd. A crowd that always felt Tara was better suited with them than with Jax. Now the dickwad was Deputy Mayor, that was just fucking perfect.

Tara rolled her eyes. _"That's not true."_

"_Of course it's true. It's a right sweetheart, you are, Tara."_

"_Made a play for her too. I'm sure Jax remembers. It was the end of junior year, Toby was already back from school, and everybody was at the football field for the junior/senior flag football game."_

Jax did remember. He and Opie hadn't been too big on school activities, but for some reason Tara and Donna were set on going and he'd been set on not letting Tara go anywhere without him. He remembered the field being packed, remembered seeing Martin and a few other kids who already graduated walking through the crowd like they were big shit.

"_Yeah but he never actually got to make the play."_ There was a large grin on Tara's face. Jax realized he hadn't seen her smile that way since that last morning they were together. _"He said something rude to Donna, I can't even remember what, but she dropped him for it."_

"_It was a crotch shot, wasn't it."_ Opie's voice was wistful, but his face didn't hold as much sadness as it did when he mentioned Donna before. _"She was really fucking good at those."_

"_Yeah it was. And yeah she was." _Tara's laughter was cut short when she was hit with another contraction. Opie seemed to have gotten it together because he checked the time and was able to talk her through it. _"God, I don't want to do this anymore."_

"_Just remember this the next time you decide to lay claim to Jax in the bathroom of a porn studio." _It seemed the words were no sooner out of Opie's mouth then Tara's fist was connecting with it and they both cried out in pain.

"_Aw, shit, luv."_ Chibs began to laugh uproariously. _"You nailed him good. You see that Jackie-boy, this girl's got one hell of a right hook. Fuck me, he's bleeding."_

They could all still hear Chibs laughing even as the screen went black.

Clay crossed his arms proudly over his chest. "I taught her that."

This time when the picture came back, they were in a hospital room. Chibs stood in the middle, money sticking out between his fingers. Kozik was sitting on the foot of the bed writing in a notebook. Piney was on the small couch counting out bills. Everyone was talking at once. From the position of the camera it was clear that Tara was the one holding it. Gemma was besides her, leaning over the bed to nudge Kozik in the shoulder. Just off the corner he could see the leg of whoever was sitting next to her, Jax had the uncomfortable feeling that it was that fucker Aiden.

"_Hey, I'm the Grandmother, I'm going first. Nine pounds, even. Nineteen inches. Brown hair."_

"_For the record, especially after having the baby's time of birth sometime tomorrow night, I hope Gemma loses."_ Tara's voice came from behind the camera.

"_I bet you do, darlin."_ Chibs gave a wink to the camera. _"Put me down for eight pounds, fifteen ounces. And as long as my cock."_

"_I'm pretty sure the baby's going to be longer then four inches, Chibs."_

On the video and in the conference room everyone's voices rose in laughter at Tara's quip. Even Chibs couldn't help but to laugh as he approached the bed. The image was rocky, but Jax was almost certain Chibs had come over to kiss Tara.

"_Those must be good drugs, luv."_

"_Can't complain." _The camera swiveled towards the door just as Opie stepped inside. _"Oh, Opie, I'm so sorry."_

"_It's my fault, I forgot how bitchy you get when you're in pain."_

She must have made a face, because the camera was juggled around, and was now pointed at her. Jax could see the pain and discomfort reflected on her face, figured the drugs must have been pretty good because she wasn't complaining anywhere near as much as she had been before.

From his spot next to her, Aiden stuck his hand behind her back, Jax didn't know what he was doing any more than he cared. At the moment all he knew was that he wanted it to stop.

"_Move." _Once again, Opie came up beside the Irishman, this time instead of shoving him, he pulled him away from Tara. _"Nurse said there's too many people in here. Go wait with Unser."_

"_Would it kill you to be a little nicer to him."_ Gemma asked. _"He's a good kid."_

"_Don't like him. Don't trust him." _Opie answered simply. Jax now assumed that what Aiden had been doing and Opie continued was massaging Tara's back. At least if Tara's pleased moan was anything to go by. _"It's my turn in the pool right? Six pounds, fifteen ounces. Nineteen inches long. Brown hair."_

"_I'm saying blonde hair, because that's where to money is." _Piney announced. _"Seven pounds, six ounces. Twenty inches long."_

"_Alright."_ Kozik began. _ "I'm going to say blonde, too, on the off chance that does happen, I refuse to let Piney rake the money in alone. Eight pounds even. Twenty-one inches long. Money in everybody, bets are locked in."_

"_God, Opie." _Tara moaned in a way Jax had literally been dreaming about for months now. _"I forgot how big your hands are. Though I think they've gotten bigger since that night at Hale's-" _

_"Cut the camera off, Gemma." _Opie actually lunged for the camera.

With a purely delighted laugh, Gemma danced out of his reach, and quickly ducked behind Chibs. _"Wait a minute, you and Opie." _

_"Opie would you calm down." _Tara pulled him back.

Momentarily torn, Opie eventually settled back down besides Tara, going back to his earlier ministrations. _"Jax is going to see this."_

"_And. It's not a big deal."_

"_Wait, so there was a you and Opie. I want to hear this." _Kozik set the notebook aside and leaned back on his elbow. _"When and where did this elicit affair take place."_

"_We were fifteen, there was nothing elicit about it." _Tara leaned back against Opie's chest, her head resting on his shoulder._ " Jax and I were in the middle of one of our nastier break-ups."_

"_That means they were probably apart for two maybe three whole days."_ Gemma deadpanned. _"The two of you embodied everything I hate about teenagers in love."_

"_Anyway, he was trying to make me jealous with that whore Missy Stewart. I got a lot drunk and decided to pay him back a little with the first guy I stumbled across. It wasn't until I shoved my tongue half-way down his throat that I realized who it was I was kissing and by that time I couldn't exactly take it back."_

"_What was your excuse, numb-nuts?"_

Opie gave his father an incredulous look. _"I was fifteen. One minute I was going for a beer, the next my arms were full of hot girl."_

"_Missy Stewart, Missy Stewart." _Gemma continued to repeat the name, trying to find the familiarity of it._ " Didn't I have to come pick you up from school for fighting with Missy Stewart?"_

"_It wasn't a fight." _Now the corner of Opie's mouth quirked up a little._ "Tara beat the shit out of her."_

"_She kissed Jax." _Tara appeared to drifting off to sleep. "_Broken up or not, I couldn't just let that go."_

"I forgot how wild Tara was." Bobby chuckled. "Shit, you'd never know it to look at her now, but the Doc was out there."

Clay laughed as well. "Yeah, she was beating bitches up pretty regular in those days."

"I can't see it." Juice shook his head. "She's always so calm, in control. And nice. Even before she knew me, she was nice."

"It was because she didn't know you that she was so nice." Tig put in, he looked over at Jax. The younger man was completely tense, his jaw locked tight. "Shit man, you can't be pissed about a drunken kiss she had with Opie when you guys were kids."

"What? Naw," Jax tried to shake it off, but he was pissed. Pissed that Opie had kissed Tara. Pissed that neither of them had ever thought to tell him about. Pissed that Opie was on the outside with her now. It was crazy thinking, Opie was his best friend, he wouldn't go after Tara. But he kissed her and never said a word about it. "I'm not worried about Opie." Except that he was. "He wouldn't do that to me." Except that he had. "Besides, he's marrying Lyla." Who was a sweet girl, but she had nothing on Tara.

The room was cleared out, only Gemma and Opie remaining. Opie was holding the camera while Gemma was coaching a clearly exhausted Tara.

"_You're doing so good, sweetie. You're almost there."_

"_You keep saying that, Gemma. Why do you keep saying that? This kid is never coming out."_

"_She's right, Tara. I can see his head, you're almost done now. You want to take a look, Grandma?"_

The camera moved in the same direction as Gemma.

"_Opie, I swear to God you put that camera down there, the next place it's going is up your ass."_

"_Come on, Tara, I think Jax will want to see this."_

"_But I doubt my son will want all the guys to see, too." _Gemma kept her hand in Tara's as she looked over the sheet covering the younger woman's legs._ "He'll see the next one."_

"_There won't be a next one." _Tara cried. _"I can't do this again. I can't."_

"_Okay, Tara, I'm going to need you to push now sweetie. You're doing so good, just give us a push now."_

It seemed like everyone started talking at once. Jax didn't know how Tara could stand it, what with the doctor, his mother, and Opie all shouting out instructions. But Tara was like a rock star. He could see the fatigue, the toll this was taking on her, but she continued to press forward. Using whatever little strength she had to bring their son into the world.

Then all of a sudden, over the sound of everyone else came the sweetest thing he'd ever heard when his son's cries filled the room.

"_Listen at the lungs on this guy. Wanna cut the cord, Grandma?"_

Speechless Gemma only nodded as she finally left Tara's side to take the scissors and cut where the doctor instructed her to.

"_Look at him. He's perfect, look at all that hair."_

Everything was moving so fast, it was clear that Opie was trying to catch everything. But the nurse had taken the baby to one corner of the room. They called out his weight and length: six pounds, ten ounces; nineteen inches. What Jax could see through the bodies was two tiny little feet kicking every which way.

Then he was cleaned and wrapped in a white blanket with matching hat covering his head, and he was placed in Tara's arms.

"_Hi. Hi, Ben." _The tears that were running down her cheeks were reflected in her voice. _"I'm your Momma."_

The camera moved around the bed and suddenly the screen was filled with his baby's face. A face near identical to Abel.

"_I'm going to ask you two to step out for a bit, we want to get mom cleaned up, and there's a waiting room full of people waiting on word."_

"_Momma, Momma."_ The camera was trained on the door Lyla was holding open to allow Abel to step through. The kid looked like a miniature version of his old man in a pair of baggy jeans, white sneakers, blue flannel shirt, and a blue baseball cap.

"_There's my guy."_ Tara, now in Jax's white SON T-shirt and wearing that look of total exhaustion Jax knew all to well, was sitting up in the bed. At the sight of the little boy toddling in, her smile spread wide.

Opie scooped Abel up by the back of his pants and lifted him onto the bed. Abel immediately wrapped his arms around Tara's neck. _"Aw, hi, Momma."_

Tara pulled back a little to frame the little boy's face in her hands. She studied him a moment, as if trying to check if he changed at all in the hours they were apart. _"Hello, you gorgeous thing."_

"_Hey, Irish," _Chibs was besides the bed giving the bill of Abel's hat a tug. _"Zoom in on the back of the kids hat for Jackie-boy."_

The camera zoomed in on the back of his son's head and Jax couldn't help but to laugh at the words '_Diaper Crew' _stitched across the back.

Juice laughed as well. "That's awesome man."

"_Abel you see what Grandma has? You wanna see your brother?" _Tara laughed when Abel shook his head and clung tighter to her neck.

"_Hey, Irish, point that camera this way." _Gemma was holding Ben, the baby was now wrapped in a light green blanket and instead of the hospital issue beanie, he was now wearing a little reaper beanie in the same light green as his blankets. _"The doctor's say he's perfect Jax. No trace of the family flaw. Look at him, he's like a dark haired version of Abel." _

"_For your sake I hope he's not as possessive." _Piney could be heard saying in the background.

The camera swiveled back around to the bed. Opie was trying to lean in to talk to Tara, but every time he got close Abel would push him away with a very firm _"My Momma"_

"_Here,"_ Tara settled Abel next to her, the bedrail was up behind him and Lyla came over to stuff a pillow against the rail for extra protection. _"Hold on to Momma, okay." _She then nodded to Gemma, who brought Ben over and placed him in Tara's arms. _"Say hi to your brother, Abel. He's yours, too. Your Ben."_

"_Mine."_ Abel seemed to like the word. Jax had to wonder if the kid actually understood the chaos of his earlier life and that's why he was so possessive. _"Kiss mine?"_

Tara smiled big at that. _"Gemma?"_

Gemma came over to hold onto Abel as he leaned over to kiss Ben. And Jax couldn't help it, tears actually began to cloud his vision. He wanted to be there. More than anything in the world, more than he ever wanted anything in his life, he wanted to be there with his family. Besides him Clay stood up quickly and walked to the corner of the room, holding his head back he pressed his fingers to his eyes. It seemed Jax wasn't the only one missing home.


	3. Chapter 3

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: Once again I want to thank everyone for the reviews and alerts. I'm having a great time writing this fic and having so many people enjoy it, only makes it better. I want to assure everyone that there will be no Tara/Opie, it seemed like a few people were a little iffy about that. I imagine that in high school Jax and Tara were that couple that were intense from the word go. That when things were good, no one existed but them, when things were bad everyone paid. And I can totally see Jax, when fighting with Tara, using other girls to get her back. I can imagine it worked a time or two. And I can see Tara having enough of that and deciding to give the prince a taste of his own medicine. It was just her bad luck (or good luck if you find Opie as cute as I do) that the guy she grabbed was Opie.**

**Running-Wild22: From my understanding of MC rules and bylaws and whatnot, Jax probably couldn't actually void the clause. But for me that part was less Jax actually changing the clause and more telling Opie that he didn't give a shit about the clause. And to let everyone know that he'd gut any guy who even thinks about touching Tara.**

**Northwoman: Like you I don't think Jax would be a jealose guy, normally. And you hit it right on the head, after everything he's just an 'emotional disaster' which puts him in a vulnerable place right now. **

**Chapter 3**

The following week saw everyone but Tara coming for a visit. Gemma, having only been off house arrest a day before Tara gave birth, was finally able to come visit. She greeted Clay in a large, loving hug. It was clear that she wanted very much to see Jax as well, but rules being what they were she could only visit one of them at a time. In complete understanding Jax gave his mother a smile and a nod. Chibs came in to visit with Juice. Piney came to visit Bobby. And as was beginning to become habit, Kozik came to visit Tig. Leaving Opie to come in last with a very grumpy Abel.

Jax greeted his brother in a hug before taking his son. Abel was in a pair of dark jeans, black and red sneakers, and Chicago Bulls jersey over a white T-shirt. "Hey, buddy." Instead of answering Abel simply turned in his father's arms and laid his head on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"He just woke up. The only way we could get him out of the house without Tara was if he was sleeping."

"How is she doing?"

"Exhausted. Your mom offered to keep Abel for awhile, but Tara wouldn't have it." Opie glanced over his shoulder nervously. "They're kind of snipping at each other. Gemma wants her to move, Tara wants her to butt out. I don't think Lyla and Neeta are much help because they're trying to get her to buy a new car."

Jax figured that as long as his mother and Tara were on earth they'd be sniping at each other. Yeah there was a lot of respect and love between them, but they were both too headstrong not to rub one another the wrong way at some point. "What's wrong with the Cutlass?"

"Nothing, but Lyla and Neeta figure that with two babies she needs something more…family friendly. The thing is Jax everyone has a point. Once you put two car seats in the back of the Cutlass there's not much more room back there. And the house, she still has Abel in a crib, says he's too small for a toddler bed. The nursery has two cribs in it now so there's barely enough room in there to move. But, I don't think what every realizes is that Tara now has two babies and she's not really concerned about those things. The only thing everybody's doing is making the headaches worse."

"Wait, what headaches?"

"Some days she gets these headaches, she says it's stress." Opie gave a shrug, like he felt there was no reason to doubt that.

With a heavy sigh, Jax pulled irritably at his beard. "And it's not like she needs the added stress of picking out a new car or buying a house. Can you imagine trying to pack up and move two kids into a new house?" Jax knew Tara could handle anything. And that if anyone was cool under pressure it was her. But she was now alone with two babies, his overbearing mother, and a well meaning but meddlesome Lyla and Neeta. "I'll handle my mother. Can you talk to Lyla and Neeta?"

"Sure, brother." Opie paused again. Taking the pictures he'd carried in from his pocket he slid them across the table to Jax. "Thing is Jax, Kozik kind of had this idea, all the guys agreed it was a good one. He has a buddy at a dealership, willing to give us a real good deal on a new SUV."

"What kind of deal?"

"Apparently he owes Kozik a big favor, we'll be getting it practically for nothing. The guys want to go in together, get it for Tara. Fact is, since you've been in here Tara has been there for us in a big way. Not just patching us up, which she's done a lot of, but with Gemma having been on house arrest Tara was running the shop. Helping Chibs arrange for his family to come over. Distracting the old man from weekend binders at the cabin. She even got Lyla interested in bookkeeping. All the other old ladies, the crow eaters were looking to her for help, and she was there. We want to do this for her…but buying your old lady a car, that's…"

Something he should be doing. He should also be there for her, the way she was so completely there for his club. He hated this, hated every part of this. He could, and had been, running the club from here. They still held meetings and votes and he had his hand in every move being made on the outside. But Tara, his family, that's where he had to relinquish control.

Kozik was keeping her safe. Opie was keeping her sane. His mother and Lyla were there to support her. The boys were making her happy. Jax was afraid that by the time he got out, there'd be no room in her life for him.

"No, it's a good idea. She needs another car and she'd sure as shit never give up the Cutlass. This way she won't feel like she'd have to. And if she gives you guys a hard time about it, ask her how she expects me to get the boys around when I'm out and she's at work. Just don't come back with some pussy foreign shit."

Opie nodded, reading his brother easily. "She misses you, man. She tries not to show it, but I've known her as long as I've known you. And I know what Tara missing Jax looks like. She won't let any of the brothers hold Ben before you do."

Because he had no response to that, at least no response that didn't involve him breaking down and crying like a bitch about how much he missed his old lady, he chose that moment to look down at the pictures Opie handed him. Right there on top was his family; Tara holding both their boys and smiling at the camera. "Aw shit, man. Shit. I gotta get back home to them soon, Ope."

"You will, brother. You're already half way there."

* * *

_Month Ten:_

Jax had been unbearable. Three months had gone by, three long months where he hadn't seen her. The letters continued to come, the guys and his mother were there every week. Sometimes with Abel, sometimes without, and Jax was getting closer and closer to the edge. He needed to see her, needed to make sure she was still with him. That when he got out, there was something for him to come home to.

Things had gotten so bad that Clay had to send word to Gemma through Lowen that the next time they came Tara better be with them. Jax felt bad about that, he knew she was tired, that taking care of two babies didn't leave her much time to worry about him and what he was going through on the inside. But he needed to see her, couldn't go another day without seeing her let alone another four months.

It should have made him smile, the way all the guys kind of hovered around her. Even as the guard held the door open, it seemed his club didn't feel that was good enough as each man had a hand on the door as well. Tara had both boys, Ben was cradled in her arms while she held Abel's hand.

"Thanks, guys." Tara smiled, before she laid eyes on Tig who sat at the first table. "Hey."

"Hey, sweetheart. Looking good."

Tara rolled her eyes. "You're such a liar. Taking care of my man?"

"Just like I promised."

Jax frowned, since when were Tara and Tig buddies? And since when did she ask and he agree to keep promises. He tried not to dwell on it, at least not now. Worrying about the way his brother's were with Tara was thinking best left for when he was lying in his bunk. Thinking of ways he would kill any man who touched her was easier than thinking of the ways _he_ wanted to touch her.

She winked at Juice, gave a small wave to Bobby and Clay before she finally reached Jax's table. And Jax once again reminded himself to try to sit closer to the door next time.

"Come here, kid." Reaching down Jax lifted Abel into his arms, kissing his cheeks. "You miss your old man? I missed you." He gave Abel's jeans a tug. "My kid has style."

"You'd think so."

"What was that with Tig?"

"We haven't seen each other in months, you want to talk about Tig?"

"Naw," With a large grin, Jax used his free hand to cup the back of Tara's neck and pull her close. The kiss was frantic, demanding, his mouth was hard on hers. Only the fact that they were holding their boys kept him from pulling her close. Breaking the kiss he trailed his lips along her jaw and down her neck. "Goddamn you smell good." Pulling back slightly, he brushed her hair behind her ear. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too." Tara brushed her lips along his. "Come on. Meet your son."

"Okay," Jax gave Abel another kiss before preparing to set him back on his feet.

"Wait. Gemma and I have pretty much perfected this." Tara pressed close to Jax and slid her arm around Abel, knowing the game well the little boy locked his arms around his mother's neck. Once he was settled she began to ease Ben into Jax's arms. The baby started to fuss a bit, but Jax cuddled him close and began to rock back and forth the way he did with Abel. Ben settled down almost immediately. "The kid knows his old man."

Settling back down on the bench, Jax looked into his son's face. Ben was looking up at him with the utmost seriousness. It was a face he recognized as Tara's, it was the look she got when she was taking a situation in and deciding how she wanted to handle it. He hadn't been prepared, not prepared at all to see a look so completely Tara on a face that was so identical to his. Just like Abel, Ben had his eyes, his nose, his mouth, even his chin.

Anxious to see as much of his son as he could, Jax made quick work of the blanket wrapped around Ben. Taking in the beige pants and little green flannel. Though it may have been ridiculous and months too late he counted fingers and toes. Removed the reaper beanie to touch his fingers to fine dark hair.

"I'll say this Teller," Tara placed her cheek on the top of Abel's head. "If nothing else, you make great kids."

Jax knew a sandblaster wouldn't have been able to wipe the grin from his face in that moment. "Bet your ass I do." He kissed the top of Ben's head, laughing at the way his face scrunched up. "Now, what's this I hear about you not wanting a bigger place?"

* * *

_Month Twelve:_

"Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you when I get out of here?" Jax's voice was low, not only to keep from being heard by anyone else in the room, but Abel was sound asleep in his lap while Tara held a sleeping Ben.

She had narrowed the choice of a new house down to three, but wanted the final choice to be one they made together. She brought pictures for him to look at, explained in a very detached manner the characteristics of each house. Jax hadn't heard a word she said. "All I can think about is all the ways I can have you. Be inside you."

A light blush crept up Tara's neck as she gazed up at the guard to make sure he didn't hear. "Can you be serious?"

"I am serious, darlin'. It's been a year and I still have two more months, I'm like a quivering fucking bronco over here."

"Well, I should probably be glad you were locked away after I gave birth. Lord knows who you would have gotten into, while I was unable to have sex."

The grin dropped so swiftly from his face, it was like it had never been there at all. She still didn't trust him. Would she ever? Did he give her reason to? And how long before that mistrust had her giving up on him altogether.

"Jax, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

Because he didn't want to see the lie in her eyes, Jax looked down at the pictures lined up in front of him. Maybe he deserved it. The short time they'd been back together, the longest he'd been faithful to her was the last twelve months he'd been on the inside. What made it all worse was that she didn't even know about Wendy and Trinity, never would if he could help it. If she ever did, Jax had no doubt she would walk out on him.

"Baby, you've got to look at me." Tara waited until he raised his eyes to look at her. "When I was pregnant, my hormones were completely out of control. There were nights I wanted you so bad I cried myself to sleep. Then I had Ben and the thought of sex made me want to stab you. After a while I was too tired to even _think_ about sex. I'm still tired, when I'm up at three in the morning with Ben or Abel refuses to go down for the night I still kind of want to stab you. And despite what everyone says I feel frumpy-"

"That's crazy," Jax interrupted loudly, causing everyone to turn to him. "You look incredible, babe." Though he did think she could stand to put on a pound or two, he had enough sense not to say that. A lot of women might like to hear that their man thought they were really thin after they gave birth, but Tara wasn't a lot of women. And saying 'hey, babe, whatever you do, don't lose the ass' wouldn't go over well with her.

"Either way, it's been a year for me, too, Jax. And I'm trying not to think about it. Maybe it's easier for me because the boys keep me pretty busy and by the time my head hit's the pillow at night I'm out. But, I dream about you, wake up reaching for you, and you're not there. I have to go through the rest of my day with this horrible ache, like today. And it makes me frustrated and bitchy."

"You know, babe," Jax leaned forward. "There's a way to relieve that."

"Not without you, baby, trust me."

Jax groaned at the thought of Tara laying in their bed at night using her fingers to bring herself off. And because he knew exactly what that looked like made it even worse.

"I tried to get you to change the subject." Tara tapped a finger over one of the pictures in front of him. "Pick out a house."

"Fine." Shifting on the bench, Jax looked over the pictures again before glancing up at Tara. "But promise me, that whatever house I choose, we'll let my mom take the boys so we can lock ourselves in the master bedroom and not wear clothes for at least a week."

Tara seemed to consider for a moment. "If your mom has the boys, why would we confine ourselves to just the bedroom."

"Goddamn, I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: This is another chapter I had to break into two parts. It was actually something like eleven pages and I realized that was just too long. So the next part will be up in about a day or two. It's where the 'M' rating comes in and I'm not too confident in it, so I want to give it a little more polish before posting.**

**Chapter 4**

_Month Fourteen:_

The brightness of the sun hurt his eyes something terrible, but Jax couldn't say it was an entirely bad feeling. The sun never shone this bright in the yard, the air never tasted quite so sweet. He wanted to pause, to take the time to appreciate it, but he heard an all too familiar call.

"Jackie-boy!"

Jax was swept up in a hard hug, eyes still blinded by the sun, but his arms finding their way around his brother none-the-less. A pair of sunglasses was slapped unceremoniously on his face before he was pulled into another hard hug.

"How's the freedom taste, brother?"

"Pretty damn good, Ope." Jax glanced around the lot, happy to see his brothers all together. He knew his mother and Tara wouldn't be here, but was disappointed none-the-less not to see them. Which made him all the more anxious to get in the van and go.

"What do you say we get the fuck out of here boys." Clay decided as he turned and lifted a middle finger towards the institution they just left before loading into the van.

The ride back to Charming was loud, raucous, and filled with relief so intense it made the air heavy. There were no windows in the van, so Jax couldn't see if Hale had implemented any changes into the town yet. If he were honest, he didn't care. Hale was just another asshole and if Jax knew nothing else, it was how to take care of assholes.

"I'm telling you boys," Tig began. "When those doors open, everyone step back, because if I don't get my cock into prime pussy soon I swear I'm chewing off my own arm."

"You keep your cock in your pants until after church, brother." Clay warned from the front seat. "We got business to discuss, afterwards you can drown in pussy for all I give a shit."

"And drown in pussy is the plan." Bobby laughed.

When the van turned into the lot, even on the inside, Jax could hear the cheers that went up and felt ridiculous for trying to pick out her voice among the many. He finally looked through the windshield, trying to catch a glimpse of her and felt his heart pounding heavily when he didn't see her.

The doors were pulled open, the light flooded in, harsher now then when he walked out of Stockton. When he stepped from the van he was immediately embraced. He recognized his mother's arms, her scent, and though he missed her, Gemma was not the one he searched for.

"Hey, Mom."

Gemma's arms tightened momentarily before she pulled back. With a wry smile she gave his beard a tug. "Intent on keeping this shit, huh?"

"I've been out five minutes and already you're jumping up my ass." He glanced over her shoulder, that's when he saw her. Tara stepped out of the Teller-Morrow office behind Lyla. Ben was settled on her hip while Abel was clinging to her leg. "I missed you, mom."

"But you're itching to get over there to your old lady." Gemma read him easily. "Go on."

Opie slapped him on the back before clearing a path through the crowd. Jax reached Lyla first giving her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. He dropped to his knee so that he was eye level with Abel. His son studied him with curious eyes before reaching out to give his beard a tug. With a laugh, Jax grabbed his son in a hug and covered the wiggling kid's face with kisses. Keeping Abel in his arms he stood up. Ben was studying him with the same curious look that Abel had. And just like his big brother, Ben reached out and gave his dad's beard a tug.

Finally his eyes locked on Tara's and for a moment it was like they were the only two people in the world.

"Excuse me," Opie reached between them to take Abel as Lyla reached for Ben. "Wanna get the kids out of the line of fire."

But Jax didn't hear him. His eyes raked over Tara from head to toe. Absently he noted that she still seemed a little on the thin side. Her hair was fuller, longer, made his fingers itch to tangle in those dark locks. She wore those big silver hoop earrings he loved so much, a large black shirt that hung off one shoulder and unfortunately covered her ass.

Like he had a thousand times before, Jax hands came up to frame Tara's face. He tried to go slow, tried to savor the kiss, her. But once he had that first taste, he was like a man possessed, drinking in her taste in large desperate gulps. The hands in her hair tilted her head back further as he pressed her back against the doorjamb.

For her part, Tara's hands gripped at his hips pulling him closer before slipping under his shirt. The feel of her fingers brushing along his back snapped something inside him. Keeping one hand fisted in her hair, his other raced down her side brushing against her breast, along her back before finally cupping her ass to lift her just that little bit closer. Was he aware of the fact that he was dry humping his old lady in a crowded parking lot? Yes. Did he particularly give a shit? No.

"Jax."

He felt the tap on his shoulder, but knocked it away. "Fuck. Off."

"What are you doing to our mother?" Chibs gave his shoulder a shake. "Get off her you animal."

"Seriously guys, fuck off." His mouth busied itself on her neck. "Or I swear I'll kill he next guy who touches me."

Unfortunately this statement was enough to clear the fog from Tara's brain. "Alright, Jax." Much to his ever lasting disappointment her hands left his back to tug at his hair. "Come on, baby. You've got business."

"Damn right I do." He pressed closer to her.

Tara laughed. "V.P business. Go on, I'll see you at home."

When she tried to push past him, Jax kept her blocked in. "What do you mean home? You're not sticking around."

"Do you really think I'm going to have my sons around the jizz fest this thing is going to turn into in a matter of hours?" Her fingers danced over his cheeks in that way he hadn't even been aware of missing. "Bobby face down in some girl's crotch while Tig pisses on another. You really think _I_ want to be within a hundred yards of that?"

"You're my old lady," He didn't want her going home, he didn't want her out of his sight. "You have to be here."

"I have to be at family things. And I will be and showing off our sons like a good old lady. But tonight is for the guys to blow off steam," Her nose crinkled up adorably. "And other things they've been holding in for fourteen months."

"Alright, I'll be home as soon as we're done at the table."

"You're the V.P, you can't ditch the party all together. Have fun, okay. The boys and I will be home when you get there."

Things inside the chapel went relatively smooth. After all it was just a formality. Clay took his place back at the head of the table, Tig to his right, Jax to his left. They discussed the rebuild of CaraCara, Bobby was quick to offer his services as manager once again. Opie informed everyone that the acquisition of Cameron's surplus store had gone smoothly. Though Piney made no secret how little he liked being there, he didn't ask to be removed from his position at the store.

No one made mention of the changes in Charming. Truth was, the club, thanks to their new connections, was finally in the black. With two legal sources of income- CaraCara bringing in the larger share-members were flush. It was not a night to deal with bad, or potentially bad news.

"Hey," Tig stepped out of the chapel and grabbed the first thing with breasts he saw. "Where the fuck did Kozik go?"

"Probably with Tara." Filthy Phil lined up a shot at the pool table. "Because where Tara goes, Kozik's sure to follow."

The entire room grew quite as Jax stepped out of the chapel. Realizing what he said and who was within earshot to hear it, Phil immediately straightened up.

"What was that?" Jax stepped threateningly towards the other man.

"N-nothing, Jax. Kozik was protecting Tara while you guys were locked up. And we all gave him shit for how serious he was about it. Th-that's all."

"Hey," Opie reached an arm around Jax's neck, pulling him towards the couch. A nod from Clay had the music blaring and the party back in full swing. "Let that shit go, man." He could feel the tension coming off Jax in waves. "Kozik and Tara, they're like brother and sister."

Jax nodded, accepting the beer and shot brought over to him by a topless woman who he barely saw.

"Jackson, glad to see you out, brother. I'm Aiden."

Setting his beer aside, Jax took the offered hand. "Not as glad as I am to be out."

"Opie." Aiden nodded to the other man, but received no response.

Jax tried, though not very hard, to cover his chuckle.

"So, where's the lovely Tara?"

Taking a deep pull from his beer, Jax struggled to keep his easy grin in place. "At home. With our kids."

A heavy tension settled around them. No one said anything for a while and Jax wanted this guy as far the fuck away from him as one could get.

"Well, there's a very attractive brunette over there giving me the eye." Aiden finished off his glass of whiskey. "I do love brunettes."

"Guy's a dick." Opie muttered.

"Why do you think she left, Ope?" It had been bothering him ever since she walked away from him earlier. Part of him wanted to believe, couldn't keep from hoping, that Tara trusted him enough not to worry about leaving him at a party full of naked willing women. Another part, a part that was becoming louder and louder where Tara was concerned, said she left because she simply didn't give a shit about what he did.

"Because Tig just pissed on that chick over there and Happy's getting blown by those twins. She's your old lady, but she doesn't belong at a party like this. You wouldn't want her at a party like this."

"Yeah," Annoyed with himself, with the way his mind had been working lately, Jax gave his beard a tug. Then couldn't help but to laugh when he remembered his sons doing the same thing just hours ago. He wanted to go home. "What is with Tig and this pissing thing?"

"What is with Tig and anything he does."

"That's true." In what he hoped was a casual gesture, Jax glanced at his watch. "Man, I could use a shower. I'm gonna head home, maybe I'll catch up with you later."

Opie gave a knowing grin. "I seriously doubt that."

"Hey Jax," Juice caught him before he could leave. "Taking off?"

"Yup," Because Aiden was leaning against the bar, he spoke louder than he needed to. "Got this hot brunette waiting for me at home."

"I think I saw her earlier, Jackie-boy." Chibs called. "She's too good for the likes of ya."

"I agree with the Scot, she's way to good for you. Nearly forgot to give you these." Opie came up behind him, a set a keys dangling from his finger. "Key to your bike and new place. Which, fuck you for that by the way. You bought Tara a goddamn palace, Lyla comes home and looks at me like I ain't worth shit."

Jax kept his eyes on Aiden. "Nothing's too good for my old lady." She was his queen, had been since she was sixteen years old, he was going to put her up like one. "Night boys."

The new place was near the outskirts of the Charming city limit. Because the way the town was set up, with the main road running through the downtown area before hitting the residential neighborhoods, the house was actually closer to the garage and clubhouse. Which was one of the reasons Jax settled on it. He liked that it was bigger, that he could give Tara a nice place where no one had been killed in. He liked the statement it made, that when his brothers or anyone showed up they'd see a house fit for a king. But more than anything he liked that at the end of his day, when club shit was beating down on him, Tara and his boys were only a short ride away.

The house was one story, but it stretched long and wide. There was a three car attached garage, but it was pulled off to the side, so the front of the house was made up of the porch and a row of short columns. The Cutlass and the new Jeep Liberty the guys got for Tara were both parked on the drive, Kozik's bike pulled up besides the Cutlass. The front porch light was on and the door was locked and Jax had to give Kozik credit for being diligent. And tried to hold on to that feeling of goodwill when he walked inside to find a gun pointed at him.

"Aw, shit, Jax." Kozik immediately put his gun back in his holster. "Sorry about that, man. I just heard the door open…fuck man, I'm sorry."

"Glad to see you taking such good care of my old lady."

"Yeah, but you're here now." Kozik finished. "So I'm going to head back to the club. Tara's back in the nursery, I was just going to take her a bottle of water but I guess you can do that." He handed Jax the bottle before going back into the living room to grab his cut. "Good to have you home, brother."

Jax accepted the other man's hug. "Thanks." And practically shoved him out the door.

For a moment he stayed where he was, taking in his house. There was a dining room to his right and another room to his left he figured was the living room, both rooms were empty save for a few boxes. Going straight back he passed a bathroom before finding himself in the open area that included the kitchen and family room. The kitchen included what Tara called a 'breakfast nook' that had a pair of French doors leading out to the backyard.

Because he wasn't entirely sure what was which way, he went to his right where he found the hallway split; in one direction he found a storage closet and an empty room he didn't know what it's use was, up the other way was the laundry room and garage. Doubling back, crossing back through the kitchen and family room he finally found the hallway leading to the bedrooms. There were five total and he new that the master bedroom was at the very end of the hall. It was the sound of his boys laughter that lead him to the nursery.

The two cribs were on adjacent walls, the rocking chair that had been in Abel's old room sat between them. There was a Harley spray painted on the way in front of each boys crib, each boys name making up the body of the bike. The dresser and changing table was set up just as it had been at their old place. Walking through the Jack and Jill bathroom, he found his family. He guessed Tara had set this room up as a play area for the boys. There was a baby swing and playpen, the old futon as well. The rug was one of those city street deals, a shelf loaded with books and stuffed animals, a toy box, and one of those battery operated bikes.

Almost as if she felt his presence, Tara looked up from her spot on the floor and smiled at him. "Hey."

The smile, as always, got him right where it counted. Ben was sitting in her lap, happily banging two matchbox cars together, while Abel was creating his own wreck on the rug. "Hey."

"Take off your cut, Teller. Stay awhile."

With a grin, Jax slid his cut off and tossed it on the baby swing before making his way across the room. Laying out on his stomach, he handed Tara the bottle of water he carried before joining in on Abel's game.


	5. Chapter 5

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: Okay so here it is, a little later than I intended, but I struggled to find a balance. I didn't want the family scenes to be sappy and completely OOC for Jax or Tara. Hopefully it all works.**

**Chapter 5**

Jax didn't know how long they played, but Abel was a ball of energy. He played cars, or more accurately crashed cars, for nearly an hour. Then he went and got a box filled with little toy animals and forced Jax to play a game Tara called 'zookeeper'. Apparently it was a favored game as Ben crawled away from his mom and got in on the fun as well. They played that until Ben got bored and decided to crawl onto Jax's back and pull at his hair. Abel, knowing fun when he saw it, immediately joined in. This time Jax was the first to call it quits, making his way over to Tara to lay his head in her lap.

"Jesus, those boys are rough."

"What did you expect from your sons?" But Tara ran a soothing hand through his hair before leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. "You better not leave me again," She murmured softly against his cheek. "Promise me, you won't."

"Tara," Fisting a hand in her hair, Jax brought her mouth back to his. He couldn't lie to her. The life he lead, it was dangerous, it was unpredictable. He couldn't say where things would go, but he could promise her one thing. "I swear to you, if I can help it, I won't."

There was a hint of a smile on Tara's lips when she rested her brow against his for a moment. "Okay. Come here," She pulled at him until he was sitting between her legs, his back resting against her chest, her arms locked around him.

The boys were still playing together. Abel had a large stuffed bear that he would raise as far as his short arms allowed before bringing in back down with a loud crashing noise. For reasons completely beyond Jax this caused both boys to laugh hysterically. Jax liked seeing them together, liked seeing himself in them. Both boys had the same blue eyes, the same easy grin, and dimpled cheeks. But Abel's blonde hair was growing pin straight, whereas Ben's dark hair was a mess of curls.

"What time do they settle down for the night?"

Tara glanced up at the Harley clock on the wall. "Bedtime was an hour ago."

"Shit, Tara, I didn't mean to-"

"Hey," Her arms tightened around him. "This was better."

Pulling one of her hands free, Jax pressed a kiss to her palm. "So how does bedtime usually work with those two hooligans?"

"It changes. Which ever one is the sleepiest usually has his bath first and which ever one that is, is usually sleep by the time I'm slipping on his pajamas. The other I take into the shower with me, during the other's bath he's pretty much worn himself down so that by the time we get out of the shower he's nodding off."

"Alright, so which one do you want to take?" Tara was quiet for so long, Jax became nervous. Turning in her arms, he caught the tears she quickly tried to blink back. "Tara?"

"I'm sorry. I just wanted you…this…and now…" She broke off, wiping away the tears and taking a calming breath. "Sorry, um, you probably want to ease into this, so take Ben."

They rose together, each grabbing a baby on their way up. Tara walked to the bathroom and pulled two small terry cloth robes off the hook hanging on the door. Going to the changing table she pulled out two bottles of what looked like shampoo.

"Here." She handed him one of the robes and a bottle.

Jax looked down at the purple bottle in his hand with clear distaste. "Chamomile? What kind of pussy shit is this?"

"You sound like your mother." But she was smiling when she said it. "It's calming. The boys love it. You can use our bathroom. The second switch is a heat lamp, put that on before you get in the shower. Don't have the water too hot, his skin is still really sensitive. Make sure the bathmat is down, be careful when you get out, the towels are big enough to cover you both. Don't put him down until you get in the bedroom, then lay him on the bed to put his robe on."

Jax could do nothing but smile as she rattled off a list of instructions, up to and including how to put on a diaper. He said nothing, didn't want to interrupt her, she was just so damn cute in mommy mode he couldn't bring himself to remind her he'd done all of this before with Abel.

"Okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." He gave a solemn nod before carrying Ben back to the bedroom.

Setting his son on the bed, Jax proceeded to strip them both before carrying Ben into the bathroom. Flipping on the overhead switch, he checked the bathmat, before turning on the shower and adjusting the temperature. The bathroom, Jax realized as he stepped into the shower, was fucking huge. The shower and tub were separate and on opposite sides of the room. A his and her sink was on the same side as the tub, he assumed the little half wall next to the shower hid the toilet. And what he guessed was a linen closet in the corner.

"This place _is_ a fucking palace." Jax murmured, receiving a stream of incomprehensible cooing in return from his son.

He made sure to hold Ben close, angling him so that the water didn't stream directly into his face. For his part Ben seemed perfectly content on Jax's shoulder. His fingers tangling in Jax's hair and he mumbled sleepily. Jax had to admit that washing them both up was a little tricky, but he managed it. And Tara was right, Ben made things fairly simple.

Taking him back into the bedroom, he slipped the robe onto the baby, and grinned at the little duck bill on the hood. When he made it back to the nursery, he could hear the shower still running in the boys bathroom, so he placed Ben on the changing table and set about applying his baby lotion and power. He was just fastening the diaper when the bathroom door opened and Tara walked in. Like Jax, she was still wrapped in a towel, and Abel was resting quietly on her shoulder.

"You take him, I'll finish Ben up?"

Jax nodded, taking Abel and planting a kiss on Tara's shoulder. They worked together smoothly, as if they'd done this a thousand times before. Tara grabbed a set of pajamas from the drawer and carried Ben to his crib, murmuring quietly all the while. Because her hair was pulled up into a bun, Jax could see the tattoo she now had at the base of her neck; two lines with letters that it took him a moment to decipher.

"Are those Roman Numerals?"

Tara gave a quick glance over her shoulder, her face showing a moments confusion before her hand fluttered over her neck. "Oh, yeah, the boys birthdays. I wanted something, but I wanted it to be different."

"I like it. I'm going to get Ben's name sometime this week, maybe I'll get that one, too."

"Matching tattoos." Tara came up behind him and brushed her lips softly over the back of his shoulder. "How domestic. Go to Ben, I'll finish Abel."

In prison, every day for Jax was a routine, and he hated it. Hated being told when to eat, when to sleep, when breathe. Hated being told what and who and where. Thought he could live the rest of his life without anything ever being fucking routine. Until now.

Sure that Ben was sleep, Jax pulled his blanket up, ran a hand over his hair once more before moving to Abel's crib. His oldest was sleep as well and Jax couldn't help but watching him for a moment before pulling up his quilt and brushing his hair back from his face.

Stepping back from both cribs he watched Tara turn on the monitor, flip a switch for the nightlights, and finally walking out of the room. Before she could start for their bedroom, Jax grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

"You do this every night? Jesus, how do you find the energy?"

Her arms slid around his waist. "Prison's made you soft, Teller."

The moment her arms circled his waist, Jax's body reacted. "I'd say it was just the opposite."

His hands slid into her hair so that he could tilt her head back. Their eyes locked and for a moment neither of them moved, allowing the tension to build between them. Then Jax didn't know who moved first. He pushed, she pulled, and her back hit the wall even as their towels hit the floor. He tried to hold her head still, keep her mouth where he wanted so that he could control the kiss, but he couldn't keep his hands from seeking more of her.

They pressed down her back, grabbed her ass to pull her that much harder against him. Then back up her sides so that he could cup her breasts, his thumb and forefinger pulling her nipples into hardened points. He tried to get there, to use his teeth to make her nipples even harder, but Tara's hands had fisted in his hair keeping his mouth fused to hers.

She was trembling or maybe he was. All Jax knew was that he had to get inside her or he'd explode. He ran his hand back down her side, lifting her leg around his waist, before he moved his fingers back to the junction of her thighs. He used his thumb to stroke her clit before slipping two fingers inside her. He wanted to make sure she was ready, he wanted her dripping for him. The fluttering around his fingers began almost immediately, he pushed in deeper and her muscles clamped around him like a vice. The trembling worsened as Tara came quick and hard in his arms.

Jax pulled back in shock. Tara had never been a quick trigger. The fact that she came so quickly from just his fingers let him know just how desperately she had been wanting him as well.

"Jesus, Tara. Fuck."

"Inside me." Her mouth was still on his, so the words were barely a whisper. "I need you inside me, Jax. Please. Now."

Jax fought the urge to put his fist through the wall, this was going to be quick. He knew once he was inside her, chances of him not going off like a fucking rocket were slim to none. But Tara's hands were gripping his hips almost desperately, she was pressing against him, making his stomach slick with her juices. Then she shifted, her hips angling away as she took his cock in her hand. Before Jax could utter a protest or take a breath she had him inside her. Simultaneous moans escaped them.

Finally. The word shuddered through him. Jax thought they both may have said it. She felt so perfect, her muscles clamping down around him like she never intended to let him go. The need to move was overwhelming. Planting his feet, Jax shifted a bit before easing out of her so slowly it was near unbearable. He wanted to ease back in just as slowly, but his hips snapped back of their own accord. Then he felt it again, only this time Tara's muscles were fluttering around his cock.

"Fuck, fuck." He couldn't go slow, his body seemed incapable of it. Because Tara's nails were digging into his hips and she was coming like a freight train.

"Jax. Jax."

All she said was his name, like it was all she could say. Her hips lost all semblance of rhythm, her body shuddering violently. Then she clamped down on him, drawing Jax further inside of her and had him coming so hard he swore he saw fucking stars.

"What does it mean if I can't see out of my right eye or feel my legs." Jax asked sometime later. He didn't know how they made it to the floor. Didn't particularly care.

From her position on top of Jax, Tara brushed her hair over her shoulder, and smiled down at him. "Means I'm better than I thought." She planted a kiss on his neck, his collar bone, and continued lower.

"Hey," Jax caught her head in his hands, giving her hair a tug until he could look into her eyes. "Are you okay? I know that wasn't my best…"

Pulling back from his hands, she continued to plant kisses down his chest. When she reached his navel, she flicked her tongue inside before working her way back up. "I came twice." Jax felt the words whispered across his nipple and couldn't bite back a groan. "I may not be able to handle your best right now. But if your ego demands you make it up to me…" She reached over his head for the towels. Never one to let an opportunity pass by Jax lifted his head to draw her breast into his mouth. "God, Jax."

And there it was, that moan he'd been dreaming about for more than a year. Better, hotter, than he remembered.

"Wait." But Jax only suckled harder and she made no move to stop him. "No, wait. Wait." Tara moved until she was straddling him, but soon leaned back in to press her lips to his. "Okay, come on, I have something for you."

"What part of I can't feel my legs…" His words trailed off when Tara stood, stretched, and sauntered up the hall completely naked. Powerless Jax scrambled to his feet to chase after her.

"On the bed." Tara ordered as she disappeared into the closet.

Dropping onto the foot of the bed, Jax laid on his back and tried to imagine just what kind of surprise Tara had for him. There was a mirror just outside the closet door, her profile was clearly reflected. He watched as she stepped into something small and black and to close his eyes to keep from charging into the closet after her. By the time she stepped out in a short silk robe he was already semi-hard and ready to beg. She stood in front of him, but made no move to open the robe, and Jax was more than happy to do the honors.

Giving the belt a tug he damn near swallowed his tongue. The bra was black lace, held together in the front with a small rose clasp, provided nothing in the way of cover, and succeeded only in filling his head with images of burying his face in her cleavage and wallowing for days. Lifting a finger, he traced a line down her torso to the matching black panties and…Goddamn it…

The lace spanned her hips and he knew without looking, just barely covered her ass. But the best part, the absolute best part was right below the band in clear red script was his name. His fucking name. On her pussy. Jax had to grip the base of his cock to keep from coming right then and there.

"I take that to mean you like it."

"There's more than one set." Jax all but growled out. "Please tell me there's another set." Because he was ripping these off of her.

"Not exactly like-" But whatever else she was going to say was cut off when Jax pulled her roughly onto the bed.

The robe was gone before she even hit the mattress. He flipped her onto her stomach, reaching around to pop the front clasp on her bra. His fingers left a trail of marks down her back to her tattoo, to his mark. Bracing his hands on her ass and squeezing hard enough to leave bruises, Jax leaned over to run his tongue over her crow.

Grabbing the crotch of her panties, Jax gave them a tug, snapping the fabric apart, before rolling until he lay on his back and she was once again straddling his waist. "Ride me, Tara." His hands ran up her sides to cup her breast. "Fuck me."

Not at all what he wanted, but not completely unexpected, Tara moved slowly. She slid down his stomach, leaving a trail of their combined orgasm on his stomach. Her hand reaching behind her to grip his cock, giving him a squeeze before lowering herself onto him. Jax's fingers left bruises on her hips, but he let her set the pace. For now.

It was his goal to drive her as crazy as she drove him. He wanted her to beg, wanted her desperate to come. It was only fair, seeing as she could get him to that point with little to no effort. With nothing more than a look, a touch, a single kiss she could get him so hard that his mind would empty of all thoughts that didn't include driving his dick inside her.

As one hand traveled around to palm her ass, the other began to move over her. Along her stomach, over her breast, lightly over the sensitive area of her hips. She flexed around him, so he did it again. And again.

"Jax," She bent over him, the change in angle causing him to slip even deeper.

Her moan mingled with his and as her mouth crashed down on his, he swallowed them both. When she pulled back, he caught that teasing light in her eye, just the hint of the sixteen year old girl he lost his mind over. "You feel so good, babe."

With one last kiss, Tara drew back. Bracing her hands on his chest, she began to move harder. Faster. He loved her like this. Her hair was tussled, her lips swollen from his, and her skin slick with a light sheen of sweat. Her bra was open, but her breasts were still partially covered, his name displayed prominently on her panties.

"I'm coming," Tara murmured softly, her hips moving more insistently. "Jax…I'm gonna…"

Though it pained him to do so, Jax sat up quickly. Pushing Tara onto her back and pulling out of her completely.

"Jax…Wha…?"

Despite being so hard it actually fucking hurt, Jax managed to smirk down at her. "You look ready to combust, babe."

"Jax," There was more than a hint of a whine in her voice, but it seemed that she didn't know whether to smile at him or kill him. "Let me guess, you want me to beg."

"For one." Bending over her, Jax took her breast in his mouth. Even with her nipple caught between his teeth his lips curved at the way her hips strained towards his. One leg wrapping around his waist, the other hooking around his thigh, trying to pull him closer. Bracing himself on one arm he placed a trail of sucking kisses up to her mouth. "You wanna cum, darlin?" She glared and he grinned as he took her wrist, kissing her fingers before dragging her hand between them. "Get yourself off for me, Tara. Show me how you got through a year without me." The words were whispered against her lips. His eyes remained open, even as hers fluttered close, his mouth only lightly brushing hers as he watched her fingers dance over her clit before moving lower. "That's my girl."

Fisting the base of his shaft in one hand, Jax sat back on his haunches to watch her. "Go as hard and as fast as you want." His hand ran up her thigh, ripping the crotch of her panties the rest of the way so he could have an unobstructed view of her fingers even as his repeatedly traced the letters of his name. "Imagine that's me inside you." The trembling started again, her hips moving frantically, her breathing growing erratic. "Imagine I'm the one fucking you. Making you cum."

As if on cue, Tara's orgasm started. Pulling her hand from her body, Jax flipped her onto her stomach, driving himself into her still quaking walls. She was barely able to muffle her scream, but she didn't collapse in exhaustion, didn't protest his intrusion. With his hands on her hips Jax drug Tara to her knees, somehow knowing exactly what he wanted she raised up until her back was to his chest and her arms lifted to wrap around him in a reverse embrace.

Jax locked one arm around her waist while he brought the other up to cup her chin and turn her head so he could watch the pleasure play over her face. "Still think prison made me soft."

With a moan she dropped her head back on his shoulder. "Shut up, Jax."

Following her gaze, Jax's eyes landed on their reflections in the full length mirror. "Forgot how much you like to watch."

"Says the guy who just watched me get myself off."

"Bout to watch again, sweetheart."

Keeping his eyes open and trained on the mirror, it was almost too much. Looking down her back, he could see his tattoo. When he looked forward his name prominently displayed as he drove into her. And when he pulled back from her kiss, he could feel her repeating his name over and over against his lips. He tried pulling her closer, holding her so tight he knew it hurt, but he couldn't let go.

Feeling that tingling in his spine, he drove into her harder, deeper. Refusing to come until she did.

"Love you…Jax…love you…" And then she was coming, hard and long in his arms.

His hold on her tightened, words of love spilling from his own lips, Jax was helpless to do anything but follow her.


	6. Chapter 6

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: Okay, this is another chapter that had to be broken due to length. The next part should be up in a day or two.**

**Chapter 6**

The next morning Jax woke up in bed alone. The sun was shining brightly into his face and he could hear the boys laughter drifting up the hall. The sheets still smelled of her, of them, but they were cool so he knew she'd been up for some time. Though he didn't understand how, seeing as they both eventually collapsed in exhaustion some time around sunrise.

Going over his options, Jax decided on a long hot shower before wandering into the family room. Tara was in a pair of cut off sweats and oversized T-shirt. Both the boys were stripped down to just their diapers. Tara was laying on her back, Ben sitting on her stomach while Abel danced to the music coming from the TV.

"Morning." Jax called. Abel stopped, seemed to weigh whether he wanted to run to Jax or continue to dance, the kid actually seemed to be seriously considering before giving an excited squeal and making a mad dash towards Jax. "Typical morning?"

"Pretty much."

With Abel settled in his arms Jax lowered himself to the floor beside her, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Hey, I'm sorry about today. It's just that last nights meeting was kind of a formality. We got shit to take care of. I promise to get back here as soon as I can."

"Don't worry about it. I understand, besides I figured Clay would want to get right back into things." She gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes before turning her attention back to Ben. "What happens to Kozik now that you guys are out?"

Jax shrugged. "Why?"

"Just wondering if he'll be sticking around now or heading back to Washington."

And that didn't help matters at all. But Jax didn't want to start a fight. Didn't want to think about just how close Tara and Kozik got while he was away. "Why don't you go hop in the shower, I can handle bath time."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Your cell is going crazy back there so I assume Gemma or Lyla are in crisis."

"Dinner tonight at your mother's."

Jax could see that she would rather be doing anything else. Admittedly, he'd rather spend his day with just his family, but his position in the club came with responsibilities and expectations. For both of them. "Good old lady, remember."

"It's not that," Tara cradled easily into his side. "Your mother has been up my ass about everything since she got off house arrest. Most especially the boys and the club. Lyla's birthday party, she sent me back to the store because the tablecloth I got was the wrong shade of purple. I don't need that shit today, Jax. I'm too happy to finally have all my guys under one roof to let her ruin it."

"Then don't let her. We'll get there early, everybody sees you, and then you duck away. Pretend to be busy away from her or some shit until dinner."

"You have met your mother, right? Chased a woman up the street with a gun and succeeded only in breaking my nose."

Tilting his head to the side, Jax placed a series of kisses on her neck. "I liked your broken nose, I thought it made you look badass and sexy."

"You would."

"You know this isn't right." Legs of his jeans rolled up, Jax sat on the ledge of the Jacuzzi tub while the boys splashed around in the water.

"What?" Tara called out over the spray of the shower. "I gave you the option of giving the boys a bath in here, you didn't have to take it."

Even though she dipped her head under the water and couldn't see him, Jax gave her a disbelieving look. "Come on, babe, you had to know whenever there's chance for me to be in a room with you naked I'm taking it."

It seemed like the best idea at the time. Though he'd only been home a few hours, Jax realized his boys were two handfuls each. So when Tara lead him into their bathroom where the boys bath seats were and told him there was no point in taking the boys back to their bathroom, he figured having her close just in case he couldn't handle both boys was for the best. Added bonus of watching Tara in the shower didn't hurt his final decision at all.

"So why are you giving me shit?"

"Because you're naked and wet and there's nothing I can do about it." As if he understood what his dad was going through, Abel began to hit and kick at the water until Jax was soaked. "Thanks, son."

"He's very intuitive, our son." Tara smiled as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a large towel. "Give me one of my babies." She held open a second towel and waited until Jax placed Ben in her arms.

It took some time and lot more water to the face, but Jax had Abel out of the tub and in the nursery shortly after Tara. They worked the morning routine in nearly the same way as the night. But Tara kept him from dressing both boys in anything more than an undershirt. It wasn't until she placed them both in there cribs and in a matter of seconds they were both knocked out, he understood why.

"Hey," Just like the night before, Jax caught Tara's hand before she could make her way back to the bedroom. "Why don't you have Neeta here helping you in the morning and at night?"

Instead of staying in the hall, Tara began to pull Jax to their bedroom. "After Ben was born, everyone was here all the time. I know they were only trying to help, but I couldn't move without tripping over _someone_. The only person I wanted was you. One day I just snapped and kicked everybody out." She pushed Jax onto the bed before straddling his waist. "Then when I started back at the hospital I felt guilty as shit about being away from them that I wanted all the time I had with them to be _mine_. I didn't want to share."

"I know the feeling." Jax eased his hands under her towel.

"No," Tara pushed his hands away. "I have to get ready. Lyla, Fiona, and the kids are coming over. Opie and Chibs will probably be with them and knocking is a foreign concept to those two."

Because she pushed his hands away whenever he tried to touch her, Jax simply flipped her over onto her back. "Why is everyone coming here?"

"Lyla and Fiona are going to help unpack some of these boxes. Chibs and Opie are just going to ride with you to the clubhouse."

"Oh" Jax leaned back so that he could gaze down at her, but soon got distracted by the expanse of skin on display and became greedy for more. He gave the towel a tug that had the knot loosening. His mouth immediately went to the swell of her breast.

"Jax," Tara sighed his name, her hand tangling in his hair. "Seriously…fuck…"

His mouth was on the underside of her breast, finding and using his teeth on a spot he knew to be sensitive. Because he could, because it had been so long since he had, Jax sank his teeth into her, drawing her skin into his mouth until he knew a mark appeared. As he knew she would, Tara's entire body began to tremble, her hands tugging frantically at his shirt. Sitting back, Jax made quick work of his shirt before swooping in to take her mouth in a kiss.

"Tara, I-shit, sorry." Lyla immediately backed out of the room. "I'm sorry, you guys."

"Stop being sorry and get the fuck-" Jax broke off when Tara punched him on the shoulder. And very seriously considered throttling his best friend's old lady when Tara pulled the towel back around her body.

"Why are you standing out in the hall?" Opie stepped into the room. "Hey, Tara. Jax, you ready?" When Jax shot him a look over his shoulder, Opie merely shrugged. "What?"

Leaning up on her elbows Tara planted a lingering kiss on Jax's mouth before pushing him aside so she could climb off the bed. Jax remained face down in the mattress, choosing to ignore his friends, and watch his old lady. She grabbed something out of the top dresser drawer before going to the closet, he noticed the way she glanced over at Opie before holding up the pair of panties, this time in red, a black crow on the front. The self satisfied smirk was prominent on her lips when she slammed the closet door closed.

Jax turned his head to glare at Opie and Lyla. "That was really fucked up."

"Yeah, I know" And Opie didn't seem the least bit sympathetic as he came over and sat on the bed.

"Where are the kids?"

"Watching TV," Lyla answered as she came in and leaned against the dresser. "You should know that our kids are _really_ comfortable in your house."

"Kids wouldn't be the only ones." Jax muttered as Opie laid back on the bed. When Tara came back out of the closet dressed in jeans and a dark gray tank, the raw marks his beard made on her neck and shoulders were all the more prominent.

"Don't look so proud of yourself, Teller." Stepping over Opie's legs, Tara straddled Jax's back. "We have so much shit to go through, I'm willing to bet more than half of it has to be thrown out."

"I told you to toss the shit out while you were packing. But you're too fucking hardheaded to listen. " Opie quipped earning himself a kick to the calf from Tara.

Lyla laughed as she lifted herself up onto the dresser. "Don't-" She glanced down, a smile brightening her face when she held up a pair diamond stud earrings. "Can I borrow these?"

It was at this point Jax realized what was going on. That from the time he stepped into his home the night before his life had been so completely normal. His kids were sleeping safe down the hall, his best friend's kids were in another part of the house watching TV. Opie teasing Tara, Lyla borrowing her things. The threat of violence seemed impossible in a moment like this.

"Sure." Tara caught the look on Jax's face. "What?"

"Nothing." He smiled, because as of right now, nothing in the world was wrong. "Hey, is Floyd's still open?"

"Of course," Opie sat up. "Hale might be trying to implement change, but some things even he can't undo. "

Jax glanced over his shoulder at Tara. "Your neck is all raw and shit." He knew enough to look slightly bashful as he said this. "Don't want to do that to the boys. I think I should go get a trim."

"Good. You were starting to resemble a crazed mountain man."

"Jackie-boy!" Chibs voice proceeded him into the room and Jax figured it was a miracle the boys didn't wake up. "Let's go." He stepped into the room, eyes on the bed. "What's going on here, an orgy? Corrupting our dear heart already."

"Bet your ass. But no orgies." Jax grinned. "Orgies involve sharing. And I ain't sharing shit."

"My guy," Tara smiled down at him. "Romance coming out of his ass. You guys have to go now?"

"We should if I want to get into Floyds before heading to the clubhouse."

"Alright, see you later." With a quick kiss to his cheek, she climbed off his back and started out of the room, Lyla right behind her.

"You just wanted to be the fuck out of here before they start moving shit." Opie observed quietly.

"Bet your ass I do."

"On the surface things seem to be pretty much the same." Opie was saying. They'd been at the table for hours now. They went over the books in more detail. Where to allocate the money, i.e. the store, the studio, or the guns. Discussed expanding the gun operation now that the rest of the guys were out. The deal with the Mayans and the Niners. They talked about the new members. Until finally discussion turned towards Charming.

"But things are different." Opie continued. "Surprisingly, not all of it bad for us."

"Sheriff's department took over." Piney picked up. "Trammel's on the force, which worked out in our favor. But the department is bigger, means more eyes. And Hale's making sure those eyes are on us. Trammel does what he can, but we have to be more careful."

"The money is where Hale is catching shit." Chibs began. "The good people of Charming aren't too keen on big money. Got it in there heads that more money, brings more people, and both brings more violence. The number of sheriffs just reinforces that fear. The attendance at town meetings are up and Hale has to be careful of just who he allows to build where or he'll be voted out."

"We can use that." Jax decided, earning a nod from his brothers. "We just have to be careful on how."

"What are you thinking VP?"

Jax looked to Clay, shook his head. "I don't know. Give me a little time."

Clay nodded. "Alright. One more thing before we leave, boys. Kozik."

"He's been here a hundred percent while you boys were gone." Chibs crushed out his cigarette. "Didn't have to be, but he stuck it out. I vote yes."

"He worked in the shop, the store, the studio." Opie began. "Wherever we needed him. He'd take a bullet for any one of us. Wouldn't think twice about stepping in front of one for Tara. Couldn't ask for anything more from a brother. That's a yay for me."

Piney nodded. "Yay."

Juice and Bobby both voted in the affirmative without hesitation. When it got to him, Jax took a deep drag from his cigarette. He couldn't vote, knew in his current state of mind he couldn't be impartial, but he didn't want his brothers to see that so he nodded towards Tig. "It's up to you, bro."

"It's a lot of bad blood there." Tig's eyes remained on his joint. "I don't know if that shit will ever be washed away. But," He crushed out his joint, ran a rough hand over his face. "I can't let personal shit stand in the way of what's good for the club. Yay."

Instead of speaking, Jax nodded. He needed to get his shit straight, needed to get the thoughts about Tara and Kozik out of his head.

"Then it's decided. Kozik's in." And with that Clay banged his gavel and called the meeting to an end.

It was full dark by the time he pulled up at Gemma's. And Jax wasn't sure if he was much in the mood for a big family dinner. The next few days were going to be hectic. Clay was determined to establish his place again, determined to remind everyone of SAMCRO. Jax understood the thinking, but he didn't know just how wise it was to call the other clubs in. But it was too late to turn back now, they were coming. Now they were playing host, which meant even less time for him, Tara, and the boys.

"Hey," Juice climbed off his bike and fell into step with Jax and Opie. They were the last to arrive. Jax had gotten a couple new guard dogs for the studio and had to be there when they were delivered. Opie and Juice had opted to ride with him. "That Tara's Liberty? As far as cages go, that one is pretty sick."

"Platinum on Platinum." Jax clarified. He had to admit when he advised his brothers not to bring back something he'd be ashamed to be seen in, they didn't disappoint. "I don't know what I expected you guys to get, but that sure wasn't it."

"Well…she deserves it." Opie stated simply.

They entered the house through the kitchen doors, stepping into a flurry of activity. Gemma was in her element and obviously pleased with her place.

"And where the hell have you three been?" Gemma demanded. "Everyone else got here a goddamn hour ago."

"Sorry mom," Jax used the grin on her that had been working since high school. "Business."

She studied him a moment, seemingly unaffected by his grin. "Well, at least you got that shit off your face."

Not entirely, Jax thought as he ran a hand over his newly trimmed beard, but it was back to what everyone was use to. "Thought I should before I did any more damage."

"Like you give a shit about marking your old lady." Gemma rolled her eyes before greeting Juice and Opie with a kiss to the cheek. "All three of you get out of here, you're in the way."

"Yes, ma'am." They mumbled together before heading into the living room.

Clay was sitting in a recliner, both of his grandsons in his lap, grinning like a proud grandpa. Lyla was on the couch fussing over a clearly agitated Piney, while Kenny and Elle played cards on the floor with Kerrianne. Bobby was in a chair leaning over them and from the looks of it he was helping all three of them cheat. Tara was standing across the room talking to Chibs and Fiona when Tig came up behind her. He whispered something in her ear that seemed to genuinely please her. With a proud smile, she turned to give his cheek a quick peck and pull him into a hug.

Opie and Juice both gave his back an affectionate slap before wandering in to join the others.

"Clay's been all about those boys since he laid eyes on them." Gemma took Opie's place at his side. "Tara did a good job with them while you were gone."

"Why do you say it like that?" Jax unconsciously took a step away from her.

"Well, now that you're back, things are obviously going to change."

"Yeah, I'm here to help her now. But if you think me being home means I'm going to pave the way for you to interfere, you're wrong. This is mine and Tara's family."

"Alright, alright." Gemma began to glance around nervously and Jax realized they had drawn the attention of the people around them.

"Hey, mom, I'm sorry." Taking her hand in his, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I've been home like a minute and Tara and I are kind of feeling our way through this family thing. Let us do this. We have to do this ourselves."

"I understand." She gave his hand a squeeze before going back into the kitchen.

There was a shriek from across the room. Abel had finally looked up and seen him, his small arms reaching desperately. With a grin Jax made his way to his son. "What's up little man? Miss me?"

"Probably recognizes you now that all that shit's off your face." Piney offered.

Clay laughed. "You did good, son. These are two fine boys." He ran one large hand over Ben's head. "This one's got his momma's hair. We can only hope they both get her brain."

"Ha-ha." He looked over just as Kozik came up the hall. Tara was smiling when she reached out to place the back of her hand on his forehead, but he jerked back. She reached out to rub his stomach, which he allowed until she said something that had everyone laughing and him pushing her hand away. With a curious frown Jax made his way over to them. "Hey, what's up?"

Tara was still smiling when she leaned over to kiss first Abel and then Jax. "Kozik's not feeling well." There was barely an ounce of sympathy in her voice.

"I'm not sick," Kozik objected hotly. "It's just something I ate s'not sitting right."

Jax caught the way Chibs buried his grin in Fiona's hair. "You okay to be here, man?"

"He's fine." Tara answered for him. "Did you take the _Pepto_ like I told you?"

"I can't stand the taste of that stuff."

"They make them in a pill form now." She glanced over her shoulder just as Gemma stepped back in to tell everyone dinner was ready. "I have some in my purse. Go get 'em and take two."

When Kozik started back up the hall, Jax placed an arm around Tara's shoulder to lead her into the dining room. "What was that all about?"

"Hmm," Her eyes were focused up the hall. "One second, baby." She placed another quick kiss on Jax's lips before rushing over to the refrigerator, pulling out two jars of what looked like baby food, a bottle of water and a bottle of Gatorade to bring to the table. "Lyla?"

The blonde was still in the entryway and gave a quick glance over her shoulder. "You're good."

Tara began to fix a plate, loading it up with food before mixing the two jars of food into the corn and mashed sweet potatoes.

"He's coming." Lyla said and she moved to take her place at the table next to Opie.

Setting the plate down in front of the empty chair next to hers, Tara took her seat. She gave Jax's sleeve a tug so he took his as well.

"This is fucked up." Opie muttered.

Tara merely raised an eyebrow at him "I've been secretly feeding him prunes and bananas for a week and you haven't said shit."

"That's because it's funny." Chibs answered simply.

"It is funny." Opie admitted just as Kozik stepped into the room.

"What's funny?" Kozik asked as he came in and took the empty seat besides Tara. He gestured to the two bottles. "These mine?"

"Gatorade's yours, water's mine. I was just telling everyone about that little practical joke you played on me a few weeks ago. You know, when you turned off the hot water while I was in the shower."

Kozik laughed. "I overheard you telling Lyla how much you missed Jax, I was just trying to help, you know, cool you off a bit." After taking the pills he began to plow through his plate of food. "The sweet potatoes taste a little off."

"That's the _Pepto_, changes the taste of food a bit." Tara rubbed a hand over his shoulders. Across the table, Opie shook his head.

"Don't you think you should slow down a bit there, brother?" Bobby asked. "You know with your stomach acting all funny and shit."

"Naw," Kozik said over a mouth full of food. "Tara said the more I eat the better I'll feel."

As a couple of the guys choked and Bobby muttered an 'Ah, shit', Jax could only look at his girl. He couldn't believe she was torturing the poor bastard this way.

"He needs to replace what his body is putting out." Because Abel was starting to fuss, Tara took him from Jax and settled him on her lap. Ben, seeing the two of them together, began to squirm in Clay's lap until Jax took him.

"Ya bailing on me, kid?" But there was no heat in Clay's words as he began to fix his own plate.

"Can't go twenty minutes without their Momma. If she's not at least holding them, they have to be with the person closest to her."

Tara cut Gemma a look across the table and it seemed as though everyone was holding their breath to see where this would go. Tara looked away first, dipping her finger into the sweet potatoes on her plate and offering it to Ben. "I'm a lucky girl to have two handsome princes who love me so much." As if he understood what she said, Abel leaned over and kissed her arm.

Jax frowned, bothered more than he should be by her words. The need to clarify, to tell everyone she had three guys who loved her, raced through his brain. He wanted to tell himself he was being ridiculous, that he was reading too much into things lately. But he caught Opie's look, the way his best friend was studying him. Something was going on.

"So, when are we going to get a little SOA princess?" Bobby asked with a grin. "A little Doc replica."

"I was told, more accurately threatened, that I was not allowed to have a little girl until someone in this room was dead."

"Long dead." Clay clarified, earning laughs from everyone around the table. "I said you couldn't have a girl until I was long dead. It'll serve Jax right to have a teenage Tara. Having to deal with some boy panting after her, the way he did with you. But I don't wanna be around for it. Guys are walking, throbbing dicks at that age."

"At _that_ age?" Tara murmured, causing Clay to point his finger at her in warning.

"Hey, unless you wanna explain to little Doc why her boyfriends keep dropping of the face of the earth, no girls while I'm around. Last thing I need to be worried about is some hormonal little shit hanging around my granddaughter."

"Clay," Gemma laid a gentle hand on his wrist. "You're working yourself up over the non-existent boyfriend of the granddaughter Tara hasn't given us yet."

Clay frowned. "So?"

"Ah, shit." Clutching his stomach, Kozik all but jumped up from the table and ran to the bathroom.

"All this because he turned the hot water off while you were in the shower?" Jax asked as he pointed in the direction Kozik ran.

"You get surprised with a cold shower after being in surgery all day and tell me you wouldn't do the same."

Tig shook his head. "You are an evil woman, Doc."


	7. Chapter 7

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: So in this chapter we start to get into what's had Tara so out of sorts. Which I think is a valid issue that I sort of addressed in the first chapter, but not clearly. And wasn't at all addressed in the show, at least not that I can recall. I'm actually really interested to see what Kurt does in season 4 with it. **

**A few people mentioned the letters being a point of contention between Tara and Gemma. Yeah. I don't think Tara would confront Gemma with them, but I think they'd make their relationship a bit topsy-turvy. Because Tara obviously loves Gemma and vice-versa. And I would think for long stretches she could forget, but than those letters will pop into the forefront of her mind and she'd get weird and Gemma would pick up on it, in turn making Gemma confrontational. At least that's my take.**

**Chapter 7**

"They are knocked out." Jax was saying as he carried his sleeping sons into the house.

It had been a long day, with the other charters rolling in Jax had spent most of his day away from his family. Tara had taken the boys to Gemma's for some brunch thing with the other old ladies. He'd stopped by, on his way to check things over at the store, but Tara had gone to run an errand for Gemma. Ben had been down for his nap, but she'd taken Abel with her. Jax had hung around as long as he could, but left before Tara came back.

Apparently she stopped by the clubhouse while he'd gone up to CaraCara. It seemed she felt Kozik had suffered enough and gone over to take care of him. According to Happy she asked after him, tried to wait, but Gemma had called and all but demanded she get back to the house.

Jax didn't know if he could do this for the next week. Barely seeing each other in the morning, missing each other during the day. Things were going to have to change, especially with Tara's vacation ending soon.

"We'll forgo baths tonight, no point waking them up." Taking Ben from his arms, Tara lead the way back to the nursery. "You can go ahead and hop in the shower, I got them."

Jax placed Abel in his crib, but instead of leaving he simply stepped back so he could watch her. She took her time with both boys, gently removing their clothes before slipping on their pajamas. There was such a look of tenderness on her face when she looked at their boys. And she looked so completely at ease, like she was finally comfortable in where she was that she could let go of all her neuroses.

"Thank you." Her back was still to him, she was leaning over Abel's crib, fingers brushing lightly over his hair.

"For what?"

"For them, my boys." She was smiling when she turned towards Jax, making her way to where he stood she slipped her arms around his waist. "No one's ever loved me the way they do." She paused for a moment before stepping back to take his hand. "Come on."

They walked out to the kitchen where Tara reached into one of the cabinets for a bottle of aspirin. "I, um, I love Abel. I might not have carried him or given birth to him but I-" The words seemed to lock in her throat, as if she suddenly reconsidered what it was she wanted to say. "It's not about that. I love him. Before him I've never loved anyone or anything like that. More importantly I'm his."

The speech seemed so rehearsed, but her voice so unsure. "I know that, Tara. The kid loves you."

"I can't be his legal guardian, not just." Going to the refrigerator she pulled out a bottle of water. He was waiting on her to look at him, but she simply leaned heavily against the counter. "I can't have him taken from me again."

"Hey, hey." Placing his hands on her hips, he turned her to face him. "I'm not going to let anyone take one of our boys from us."

"That's not what I'm talking about." Taking a deep breath, Tara stepped away from him. Jax knew his face reflected the hurt and confusion he felt at the space she put between them. "I talked to Rosen. In a couple months, Abel will be two. That's two years in which Wendy has had little to no contact with him. And for the last fourteen months I have been his primary caregiver, fourteen months with no contact from Wendy."

"What are you saying, Tara?"

"I'm saying I want to adopt him, Jax. I can't have-" Breaking off she busied herself with shaking a few pills out of the bottle and downing them quickly. Her movements were slow and methodical as she put the bottle back in the cabinet. Jax knew it was a way for her to get a handle on her emotions. "I need him to be mine."

Because she seemed so determined to keep her back to him, Jax wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her to him. "I highly doubt Wendy's gonna come at us with some type of custody suit."

"But she could."

"She won't. She knows she can't handle a kid on her own. But I don't want to shut her out of Abel's life. She's-"

"His mother." She finished quietly.

That she didn't say anything else or even jerk out of his arms worried him more than if she blew up. "Tara." He turned her now, framing her face in his hands. "You're his mother. The only one he knows."

There was something in her eyes, a resignation maybe, that had his brain scrambling for a way to fix this. The way she was looking at him…she'd never looked at him this way before. "He was taken from us, given to other parents, we know what that's like."

"Hmm, yeah." Tara backed away from him, a smile so false it actual hurt him to see it gracing her lips. "Yeah. You're right." She toyed with her bottle of water a moment before placing it back in the refrigerator. "Nothing worse than having your child ripped from you."

He was missing something. But what more could she want from him. Wendy wasn't coming back. The only way Wendy would want the kid is if he was part of the deal. And there was no where Jax would rather be, no one he wanted more, than this life with Tara. But Abel had a right to know the woman who gave birth to him. If Wendy got her shit together and wanted to visit with her son, he wouldn't stop her. Jax had known and loved two fathers. Maybe he'd been disillusioned by both of them, but he wouldn't be who he was without John and Clay. Why couldn't Abel know and love two mothers? "Tara, we're a family. As long as we're together no one can take our boys away. Tell me you understand."

She gave a quick nod of her head, her shoulders squared when she turned to face him. "I do." And maybe she did, but her eyes were so distant. "You going straight to bed or did you wanna shower first?"

"Well," Jax went for charm, tried the same smile he'd been using on women since he was thirteen years old. "I thought we could shower together."

That false smile was still on her lips, her eyes darted away from him like she was trying to find a way out of this. A way out of being with him. "I'm not really up for a shower. Let's just go to bed." She linked her fingers with his, pressing against him until her mouth reached up to his. "Cut out the middle man."

Jax pulled back to look in her eyes and he would have sworn a shutter had come down. That there was some part of herself she closed off to him. He loved this woman. Since he was sixteen years old he's only ever loved one woman. Loved her so he didn't know what to do with himself when they were apart. "I love you, Tara." If she thought he was going to let her shut him out, to walk away from him, after everything they'd been through she was out of her fucking mind.

Almost as if she heard his thoughts, Tara nodded. "I know."

If he'd been asked Jax would say it was the sound of the phone ringing that woke him. In truth it was the cold. The cool air that blew across his naked chest and chilled him to the bone. Figured there was a draft coming from one of the windows. It was his natural reflex to pull Tara closer. Though he always slept completely in the nude, she never could. Always finding a shirt to cover up with before she burrowed into his side. But the arm that usually wrapped around Tara was empty. And Jax knew why he was so cold.

He assumed she was out of the bed, figured one of the boys woke up and she'd gone to check on them. It wasn't until the cell rang and he heard her fumbling around on the bedside table that he realized she was, in fact, still in the bed. Just curled away from him.

"Hello?" Tara's voice was low and full of sleep. "Of course." She gave a displeased sigh. "Yeah. Fine. I said fine." She snapped. "No, nothing." Throwing back the covers she swung her feet around and snatched her jeans off the floor. "I'll open the garage."

"What's going on?" The corners of Jax's lips curled when she jumped at the sound of his voice. Reaching over he clicked on the bedside lamp as he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"There was a fight at the club." Tossing the phone absently onto the bed, Tara stepped into her jeans. "Aiden was hurt, the guys are bringing him over to get patched up."

"They're bringing him here?"

"Yeah."

"No. No, this isn't some fucking infirmary. It's our home, goddamn it. I don't want them bringing that shit in here."

Tara gave him an annoyed look. "This is the way it's _been_. You think that's going to change because you're home."

"Why would you let them bring that shit here?" He didn't want blood staining the floors of this house, their home. Wanted the violence and blood and danger removed from their home.

"What the hell else was I suppose to do, Jax? I don't know if you noticed this, but your brothers don't exactly get hurt during regular business hours. At least not just. There were a lot of early morning phone calls while you were away. I couldn't very well pack up two babies to take on a clubhouse patch up."

"Well I'm home now."

"Fine, stay with the boys. I'll go to the clubhouse."

"You honestly think I'm going to let you drive off in the middle of the night by yourself?"

"Then I'll call and have Kozik come pick me up."

The edginess and annoyance he was feeling from being woken up at four in the morning spiked at the thought of his old lady on the back of someone else's bike.

She must have read that on his face, because her defensive stance immediately relaxed. As annoyed and on edge as he was, Tara ran impatient hands through her hair. "What do you want from me, Jax?"

Jax had a sinking suspicion she was asking a much deeper question. He'd only been home two days and already he was twisting her up. "Same as I always wanted." He patted the empty spot on the bed next to him. "You, right here."

For the first time since they put the boys to bed, Tara gave him a real smile. "Then tell your brothers to stop doing stupid shit in the middle of the night."

"It's such a shame." Tig had hopped up onto the dryer, the medical bag Tara kept at the clubhouse was in his lap, and he was rummaging through it like a goodie bag. "That pretty face all scarred up."

With the exception of Juice, who was rummaging through their kitchen, the guys were crowded in the laundry room. Apparently the place had become a de facto clinic. There was a desk, which Kozik was currently using as a chair. The cabinet Opie was leaning against was full of medical supplies. There was even a lab coat with her name and a reaper stitched on the pocket hanging on a hook.

"But the ladies love scars." Despite the busted lip, black eye, and bruised cheek, Aiden was giving Tara his most charming grin. "They think it's sexy, right Tara."

"There's something to be said for the Dylan McKay thing, which you're going to have after I stitch up that eyebrow." Tara was standing at the cabinet. "Personally, I like my guys pretty." She pulled out an ice pack, cracked it and held it out to Kozik.

It wasn't until that moment that Jax realized Kozik had been sitting with his hands pulled into his shirt sleeves. There seemed to be a bit of a standoff before Kozik finally relented and revealed his torn and bloody knuckles. "Ope? Tig?" She wiggled her fingers at them.

Opie nodded, holding out a hand, the knuckles bloody and swollen, for the ice pack she tossed at him.

Tig shook his head. "I'm good, darlin."

"What about Juice?"

Kozik grinned as he placed the pack over his knuckles. "Missed the fight entirely. He just came along because he heard you always had brownies and beer stocked."

"Do I even wanna know what happened?" Jax asked as he leaned against the wash tub. Though it was pretty obvious what happened, Aiden took one hell of a beating from the guys. The question was why.

Opie, Tig, and Kozik all shared a look. But none of them would look at him or Tara.

"Maybe they'll feel better talking about it when I'm not in the room." Tara eased the tension that suddenly filled the room. Having already cleaned the blood from his face, she placed the ice pack to the back of Aiden's head before opening the kit she pulled from the cabinet and starting to stitch up the cut that ran through his eyebrow. "Hey, baby, mind giving me a hand."

Not able to recall a time where she asked for his help with patching up one of his brothers, Jax pushed himself off the tub. "Sure, babe. What do you need?"

She nodded towards Kozik, who handed Jax what looked like a giant flashlight. Kozik gave him a nod. "The inks new, right?"

Immediately Jax's hand went to his chest. He'd had the design of Abel's name altered a bit so that it now resembled the blade of a scythe, Benjamin made up the handle. The meaning obvious, he lived for them and would bring death to anyone who hurt them. "Yeah." He ran a hand over the Roman Numerals on the inside of left arm. "The old lady wanted to get domestic."

Tara rolled her eyes, but didn't bother correcting him. "Just hold that right…" She adjusted the angle of the light he was holding, placing his arms where she wanted them. "There. Thanks."

Jax watched her hands, the quick and steady way they worked. He'd always been aware, almost in an absent way of what Tara did. He knew she saved Abel, treated his mother, patched up his brothers numerous times. But knowing and seeing, _really _seeing it was something different.

He'd always been proud of her. Even after she first left him, under the hurt and pain and anger, there was pride. She'd gotten into college, was going to make something of herself. Then she came back, not just a doctor, but a surgeon. His Tara, because that's what she would always be, had become a surgeon. But now, seeing the calmness in her features, the confidence in her movements, it humbled him. And he didn't really know what to do about the fact that it turned him on as well.

"What?" When Jax didn't answer right away, Tara paused to look up at him. Recognizing the look in his eyes, she shook her head. "Forget I asked."

"Hey, Doc, I'm having some pain here."

Tara nodded abesently, her eyes still on Jax. "I'm sure you are." She finally spared Aiden a glance. "I'll get you something when I finish."

Jax couldn't help but to smirk at the Irishman's failed attempt at drawing Tara's attention. Standing this closely to her, he could smell himself and their earlier activities all over her. So Jax knew damn well this fucker could as well. Wondered if the Irish prick needed to see the cum drying on the insides of her thighs to really get a clue. "Hey, Ope, what the hell were you doing at the clubhouse so late?"

"Lyla." Opie muttered. "She's pissed."

"I can't say it enough, man, but this is why I beat hookers."

Jax could only shake his head at Tig. "What the fuck did you do?"

Opie shrugged. "Fuck if I know."

"She's a chick." Tig generalized. "They need a reason to be pissed?"

"Thanks, Tig."

"Oh, not you, Doc. Every time you've been pissed at Jax he's totally deserved it."

It was Jax's turn to be affronted, "Thanks, Tig." He noticed the way Tara's eyes darted towards Opie. Watched as she clearly began working something through her mind, even as her hands continued to work.

Her head dropped back momentarily. "You and Lyla pick a date for the wedding yet, Ope."

Realization dawned on Opie's face. "Shit. Fuck. Everything that's been going on..."

"Don't call her now." Tara advised when Opie pulled out his cell. "She'll know I said something to you. Just go home tomorrow and ask her what she thinks about the second weekend in May." She finished up with Aiden. Pulling off the gloves she went over to the washtub to scrub her hands clean.

"Like the house." Juice had a beer in his hand when he wandered back into the room. "You know, Tara, if you guys need any help setting up your electronic shit I can help."

"Really? That would be great, Juice. We're all wired, the guy came out, but nothing is working like it should." She turned to see Aiden still sitting in the chair, looking at her expectantly. "What?"

"The pain I mention earlier, it's from a bite. Fucker really hurts."

Tara glanced over her shoulder at Tig, who gave her a look as if to say 'it wasn't me, Doc' "Where were you bit." When she didn't get an answer she turned to look back at Aiden, who simply looked down at his lap. Tara's eyes went back to Tig. "Tell me you didn't."

"Swear to you, Doc, I didn't. I may bite, but another's guys cock is safe from that."

"You said that like your own isn't." Kozik tossed back, receiving the finger from Tig.

Jax grabbed the bottle Tara had used earlier to clean Aiden's cuts, a few of the gauze pads, and slapped both into the Irishman's hands. "You're going to have to handle that shit yourself, chief."

Tara rolled her eyes. "No part was…bitten off…?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I'm all here, darlin. A little broken skin, but nothing too deep."

"You're going to want to disinfect and like he said," Tara nodded towards Jax. "You're going to have to handle that yourself." She handed him a bottle of pills. "Take two when you get home, it'll help with all the pain." The curiosity was there in her eyes. It was obviously killing her not to ask. "How'd that happened? I just…I can't…"

"Pretty simple, Tara." Opie's jaw clenched. Jax noticed the way Kozik's bruised hand fisted. "He was getting a blowjob when the fight started."

"Did the…you know what, I don't think I want to know. I'm going back to bed." She hesitated on her way by Jax, her hand running over his bare chest. "See you in a bit?"

Jax nodded, relief at her gesture rushing through him. Taking her hand from his chest and bringing it to his lips. "Yeah."

"Thanks for the patching up, Tara." Aiden called, Tara merely threw an absent wave over her shoulder.

"So," Jax's gaze swept over his brothers. "Wanna tell me what happened? I mean, it was a crow eater that bit your dick and not one of the guys right."

Kozik looked to Opie, who merely shrugged, before he answered. "Just a misunderstanding. But it's been straightened out."

"What he said." Opie tossed his ice pack into the trash. "Mind if I crash here, tonight."

"Sure." Jax knew enough to know there was something he wasn't being told. But he was too tired to ferret it out of his brothers. "I'm heading to bed. You boys show yourselves out."


	8. Chapter 8

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: First of all I loved all the reviews for the last chapter. And really loved how so many people caught the gist of what happened between Opie, Kozik, Tig, and Aiden. Jax will find out soon enough, but I need Aiden around just a bit longer. Also glad that a lot of people got where Tara's head was. The thing that's hard about writing from Jax's head, or just one person's head, is that it's tough to get across where another person is coming from. And I'm trying, I know as the writer I sometimes miss a few marks because I know where Tara's head is and maybe write as if everyone else should as well. So I'm sorry for any confusion anyone had and I'll try to do better.**

**Chapter 8**

For the third day in a row Jax woke to find himself in an empty bed. He slept later than he intended, was surprised Clay wasn't blowing up his phone or sending someone over to knock down his door. Gemma and Tara were throwing a family bar-b-cue at the park and Clay wanted to make sure SAMCRO was family strong. But after the four am wake up call, nothing good was going to come to anyone who attempted to wake him.

Bleary eyed and lethargic, he stumbled into the bathroom. His shower was hot but quick, he wanted to catch Tara before she headed out. When he made his way out of the bedroom the only person he came across was his best friend. Opie was sitting at the kitchen table hair still damp from his own shower, T-shirt tossed over his shoulder, bare feet crossed under the table, and eating a bowl of cereal.

Jax gave his friend a nod in greeting. "Where's Tara?"

"She left about an hour ago. Said to tell she'd see you at the park."

"At the park? What the fuck, the bar-b-cue isn't until 4."

Opie carried his bowl to the sink, rinsed it out, and placed it in the dishwasher. "She's picking up Fiona and Kerrianne, they got a lotta running around and shit to do. It's not like you'd have time to see her anyway with Clay planning a meet with Leroy."

That wasn't the point. Things never really got settled between them last night. There'd been a distance and he'd been anxious to bridge that gap this morning.

"You guys have a fight last night." Opie asked casually.

"Not a fight, not really. We're just trying to figure this shit out, being a family, you know." He ran a hand over his face. "We should get going."

"Yeah." But Opie stayed where he was, a moment of indecisiveness obviously keeping him still. "You and Tara…that's not every day. Your boys," He gestured around the house. "Your home…some people are going to go their whole life without…knowing what you know when you're with her, with them. The fucked up part is, it doesn't come easy. Some shit you just gotta work for."

It was Jax's turn to stay where he was, staring at his best friend's back as he walked up the hall. One of the few people he knew that could knock him on his ass without so much as laying a hand on him.

The bar-b-cue was in full swing by the time Jax pulled up with Opie and Kozik. They lined their bikes up with the others. Pulling off his helmet Jax glanced around the full parking area, but there was no sign of either the Cutlass or the Liberty. Every inch of the area, that was usually reserved for carnivals, was filled. There were several inflatable castles for the kids. Tables loaded with all kinds of food, coolers stocked full of beverages and ice cream, were placed throughout and the bar-b-cue pits were fired up.

"Heads up, brother." Chibs greeted him first. "Your mother is on the warpath."

Jax shook his head. "I didn't even do shit."

"It's our dear heart. She took off a bit ago with my Kerrianne, Gemma wants her back here now."

"Alright." He caught sight of his mother, she was sitting with a group of old ladies holding a very fussy Abel in her lap. He made his way over to them, being stopped every few steps to be greeted by his brothers and their old ladies.

Clay was approaching from a different direction and reached Gemma just as Jax did. "What the hell did you do to him?"

Gemma gave Clay a look that had everyone around him shrinking away. "Nothing. He was sleeping, woke up looking for his momma."

"Here," Jax lifted Abel into his arms, tried to rock and soothe his son as best his could. "Come on, kid. Your old man's got you." Obviously not at all what Abel wanted to hear he began to cry louder.

"Call Tara." Clay suggested, wincing as Abel actually began to scream. "Let him hear her voice."

"That could actually go either way." But even as Opie said it, he dialed Tara's number and handed his cell to Jax.

"Hey," Jax breathed a sigh of relief when Tara picked up on the second ring. "I didn't do anything, he was like this when I got here. Alright hold on." Pulling the phone away from his ear, he found the button to turn on the speaker. "Okay."

"Abel." Tara's voice came over the phone. She had to repeat the baby's name several times to catch his attention. "What's wrong, baby?"

When Abel realized that Tara's voice was coming from the phone he immediately snatched the device out of Jax's hands and brought it up to his mouth. "Momma. Momma." And what followed was a stream of gibberish no one could follow. Well, no one except for Tara.

"Who did it, baby?"

"Nan."

"No, I-" The argument Gemma started to make was cut off with one look from her own son. "Fine."

"Nan's sorry, baby, she didn't mean it."

It was either exactly what he wanted to hear or Abel was already past it because he gave a small nod as if Tara could see him and sniffled sadly. "Want Momma. Momma, Mine. My Momma."

Because his thoughts were running along the same course, Jax started to ask where she was and how soon she'd be back but Gemma beat him to it.

"Where are you, baby? We expected you back twenty minutes ago."

"I'm pulling up now." Even as she said, Jax had looked over his shoulder and could see the SUV pulling in. "I'm going to need some help."

"We got you, Doc." Clay caught sight of all his guys, motioned them all over. "Doc needs some heavy lifters." As one they all moved towards the parking lot. Tara had clicked off her cell and Jax tried to take Opie's back from Abel only to be met with heavy resistance.

"Just let him have it, brother." Opie advised. Something across the way caught his attention, stopping him in his tracks and causing a few of the brothers to run into his back.

"Jesus, fuck, Opie." Tig's out burst halted everyone's forward progress. "He's like a fucking wall."

Gemma, for the most part ignoring Tig, glanced worriedly up at Opie. "What is it, sweetie?"

Instead of answering, he actually seemed too angry to even speak, Opie simply gestured. Jax looked over and would have sworn the world literally slowed on it's axis. Because there, a few yards away, was that fucker Aiden with a shit eating grin on his face and his arm thrown casually around the shoulders of the last person Jax wanted to see.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" It was Lyla who spoke as she marched over to them, if it was possible steam probably would have been shooting out of her ears.

Tig's lip curled in disgust. "Did he bring pussy to a family event."

"That," Bobby decided. "Is not cool, brother."

"Let's go help, Tara." Gemma began to tug at there arms until they all started walking again. "We'll deal with that bitch later."

"Which one?" Opie muttered darkly as he grabbed Lyla's hand and pulled her forward.

By the time they reached the lot, Tara and Kerrianne were out of the SUV. Kerrianne was holding Ben, while Tara blew raspberries into the baby's hands, causing him to erupt in belly laughs. The second he laid eyes on his mother, Abel began to scream again, only this time in sheer excitement.

"Hi, baby." Tara lifted Abel high into the air before pulling him close for a hug. When she settled him on her hip, Abel turned to everyone with a smug grin. "Just to be clear," She addressed everyone, an almost sheepish smile on her face. "When he says Mine, he's talking about Ben."

"Sure, Doc." Clay gave a nod as if he didn't believe her at all. "Whatever you say."

Because the trunk was already open, the guys began unloading the boxes and bags she had stacked up. Jax pulled Tara to the side. "You know you can never again give me shit about being a Momma's boy, right."

"He's not a Momma's boy." Tara quickly defended her son. "I was here when he went to sleep and gone when he woke up, it threw him off." Jax knew the look he gave her showed just how much he didn't believe that statement. "Shut up and go help your brothers." She pressed a kiss to his lips before shoving him away.

The fact that she initiated the kiss soothe a lot of the unease he felt, but then he glanced over his shoulder and caught sight of Ima and Aiden. He had to get her the fuck out of here and fast.

"You let your brothers handle that." Clay advised quietly. "You show your old lady that that bitch doesn't register to you."

Jax looked back over to Tara, who was now standing with Gemma, Lyla, and Kerrianne. Kozik approached them, speaking quietly to Tara a moment before running a hand over her hair and placing a kiss to her temple.

"This is my problem, I need to handle it."

"It's not about what you need." Clay snapped. "You can bet your ass that porn pussy over there isn't going to just walk away without trying to rub up on you. Do you think the Doc needs to see that shit? Your brothers deal with it. You take care of your family." Hooking an arm around Jax's neck, Clay lead him to where Tara stood. "Aright boys and girls, lets go show these people what MC royalty looks like."

Twenty minutes later and Jax wasn't sure why the fuck Ima was still there, but he made sure to keep as much distance between her and Tara as he could. It seemed that had been everyone's goal, including Aiden. Jax didn't know if the guy was really smart or really fucking stupid. Either way, if he found out this was some game on Irish's part, heads were going to fucking roll.

"You know," Tig was cradling Ben in front of him, eyes searching the baby's face in a way that only he could. "There's a bit of the Doc in here."

Jax looked over at his son, who was gazing up at Tig with a look that was very much Tara. Actually he was sure she had looked at Tig that same way the first time she met him. But he liked that both the boys looked like him. Thought it was cute the way Tara tried not to pout when people mentioned how little of her they saw. "Maybe just a bit."

"Brother," Beside him Bobby was trying to keep Abel from snatching his sunglasses of his face. "You are just not going to be happy until she hurts you."

"Hey," Jax held his hands up innocently, laughing when Abel did the same. "It's not like it's my fault they look like me. Maybe she'll have better luck with the next one."

"They way I here tell it, that might not be far off the way you two are going at it."

Across the way he caught sight of Tara with Juice, whatever he was saying had her laughing. Her jeans were tight, hugging her thighs, hips, and ass in a supremely flattering way. He couldn't figure out how but the purple tank top she wore bringing out her eyes, dipped low over her breasts, and clinging to her torso. She was dressed quite simply but as far as he was concerned, the hottest thing in the party. "Can you blame me?"

"For being all about your old lady," Bobby gave him a sly grin. "Or trying to knock her up again?"

Jax returned his grin but, before he could say anything, caught sight of Ima heading their way. "Shit. I thought someone was getting rid of her."

"I'll do it." Tig started to hand Ben back to Jax.

"No, I got it."

Bobby made a face that showed how much of a bad idea he thought that was. "Let's get the boys outta here, Tigger. Doc sees porn pussy near her boys-"

"And we'll be hiding the cum queen's body before it's all said and done." Tig finished as he followed Bobby over to where Clay was talking to Unser.

"Hey, Jax." The smile crept slowly across Ima's face as she ran a hand down his chest. "You look good."

The look on Jax's face mirrored his complete lack of interest. "What are you doing here, Ima?"

"I was invited. Be honest," She pressed against him, just as Clay said, hand slipping beneath his cut. "You missed me, just a little. Cause I missed you. A lot."

The easy grin was more reflex than anything else. Jax was a man use to women wanting him. He enjoyed it. Liked that even after his abrupt dismissal of her, the clear disdain he had of her after their night together, Ima still wanted him. There had only been one woman who was able to walk away from him, one woman who was able to hurt him. "You need to leave. Now."

"Worried that little Tara will see. Prison's made you soft."

Because the words so closely mirrored the ones Tara spoke just the other night, Jax shoved her away roughly. "Don't ever say her name, you'll only piss me off." Casually, so she wouldn't see just how worried he was about Tara seeing her, Jax glanced around. The first thing he noticed was Juice, Opie, and Kozik standing shoulder to shoulder and knew without a doubt that they were blocking Tara's view of him. And if the utter disbelief on Clay's face was anything to go by, that blocking came just a bit too late. "Leave, before I have your ass dragged out of here."

Stepping away from her, Jax gestured Miles and Filthy Phil over. "Make sure she gets the fuck out of here. Tell Aiden, I don't give a shit how she gets home, I want her gone." Both men nodded before walking away. Behind him he could here Ima's indignant refusal, but didn't bother turning around to look.

By the time he reached Tara, Jax was pretty sure he was fucked. His mother looked like she could throw something at him and he was sure if Lyla had a gun there'd be a bullet in his ass.

"He said he didn't know." Tara was saying.

"And you believe him?" Opie's voice was full of disbelief.

"How would he know? And what would he get out of bringing her here?"

_You,_ Jax thought and could have sworn the word hung heavy in the air.

"I hope Clay's right and those boys of yours do get their mother's brain. Yours sure as shit don't fire on all cylinders."

With a frown Jax turned to see Piney glaring at him. "Missed you too, Piney. Barely see you and when I do you give me shit."

"I'm old, I'm tired. That damn girl of Opie's," Piney gestured irritably towards Lyla. "All her ideas and changes, she wears me out."

"Lyla? She's helping you at the surplus store?"

"Tara's idea. Opie brought it to the table, something about pretty girls and guns appealing to the male mind. But that's some Tara shit if I ever heard it." Piney raised a beer to his lips. Almost seemed pained by what he said next. "But it was good. Calmed Opie the hell down and Lyla feels like she's contributing to the club. Tara…she's a smart kid. Always has been. Try not to fuck it up." With that Piney walked away.

Opie and Piney, Jax thought as he turned away, were too much alike for their own good.

Instead of going straight to Tara, Jax made his way off to the side away from the flurry of activity. He figured he'd give Tara a few moments to calm down. Where she didn't have to look at him and get pissed off all over again. Found himself sitting back and watching her.

It appeared she and Gemma were on an upswing as his mother was practically hovering over Tara; petting her hair, hugging her close. Jax didn't know what that was about but, since they weren't fighting, chose not to question it. She handled Fiona well, actually looking at the two of them together, he thought it was safe to say they were friends. He had no idea what a member of the IRA and a pediatric surgeon had to talk about, but what did he know. Kerrianne stuck pretty close to her and Lyla, taking their lead on things.

Tig had come over to swipe a beer, and ended up leaning into Tara and whispering something in her ear. Tara merely rolled her eyes and didn't seem at all bothered by the hand he laid on her shoulder. She grabbed two bottles of water and took one to Piney and another Bobby who seemed to be sweltering in the midday sun; Bobby gave her a playful salute with his bottle while Piney rubbed her arm affectionately.

Clay had the boys and made it pretty clear he wanted Tara out of their line of site. It was obvious he enjoyed playing proud Grandpa, so she left him alone. On her way back to the table she ran into Chibs, he studied her face a moment before pulling her close to lead her over to Opie and Juice. Realizing they were all looking around for him, Jax made his way over to them.

"What's wrong with you?" Chibs demanded with a mocking glare. "Our dear heart is clearly exhausted. What'd ya do to keep her up half the night?"

Jax's lips curved in a smirk. "Nothing I don't plan on doing again tonight." At Tara's censoring look, Jax shrugged innocently. "What? He asked. Besides, I wasn't the one who woke her up at four in the morning."

"Son of a bitch." Tara jumped and tried to move out of Chibs' arms when Kozik came up behind her and blasted her with a water gun.

"I owed you that one, Tara." He held his hand up between them. "For the thing with the baby food, we're even now. Jax, come on, talk to your old lady."

"Hey, babe," Reaching out, Jax placed a hand on her hip to turn and access the damage to her back; she was completely soaked. "You can't hit him here. It'll look bad if my old lady is running around beating up members." He waved at someone over Chibs' shoulder. "Have Tig take him to the parking lot, beat him there."

Tig came up, having missed everything that happened, but heard the words 'beat him' and was instantly interested. "Who's ass are we kicking?"

"Not we," Opie corrected. "And it's Kozik's ass. If Tara gives the word, you can drag him over to the parking lot so it doesn't look bad in front of everyone."

Tig seemed all too ready to accept that. "Fine with me. Want me to chain him up for you, sweetie."

"Come on guys, I owed her," Kozik repeated, but no one seemed to care. "Tara, Tara, come on."

"You can run or I can have Tig drag you."

The grin Kozik was fighting to keep from forming dropped completely when he realized she was serious. "Oh, shit."

Kozik took off at a dead run, Tara waited five seconds before starting out after him.

Jax didn't know whether to enjoy their behavior or put a swift end to it. "Are they always like this?"

"Yup."

"She's going to make him cry." Chibs began excitedly as he could no longer stay where he was and started after them.

"I got to see this." Tig finished his beer before jogging after them as well.

"Me, too." Juice bolted off the table.

Opie and Jax shared a look before they headed that way as well, but not before Opie stopped to pull a bottle of water from one of the coolers. When they reached the lot, they had to search a few row of cars before they found everyone. But instead of the guys holding Kozik while Tara tortured him, they found Tara bent near double while the guys hovered around her.

"What the fuck?" Jax ran until he was at her side. "Tara, what's wrong? What happened?" He turned accusing eyes up to Kozik.

"I don't know, one minute she was chasing me. Then she kind of swayed on her feet."

"Bullshit, what did you do?"

"Jax," The hand Tara used to grip his shirt was trembling and did nothing to calm Jax's nerves. "I'm okay. I just got a little dizzy. I haven't eaten anything yet, it was stupid of me to start running around."

"Tara luv, what have we told you about skipping meals." Chibs gently took her by the elbow to help her into a standing position.

"You gotta take better care of yourself, Tara." Kozik, who still held the water gun in his hand, pulled a bandanna from his back pocket. Using the water gun he soaked the material before placing it around Tara's neck.

"Running yourself down like this isn't good for your boys." Opie added as he opened the bottle of water.

When it looked like Tig was going to take the water to help her with it, Jax snapped and snatched the bottle from Opie himself. Where the fuck did any of them get off taking care of his old lady while he was standing right there. Like he was incapable of taking care of her himself. Suddenly, the words Tig had tossed out at him while they were in Stockton flashed through his mind. Once again, while he'd been with Ima, it had been his brothers who tried to shield Tara from that hurt.

"I got this. Just back off."

Reluctantly they all began to shuffle away, but Tara stopped them. "Hey guys, thanks. I know better than to skip meals, especially on a day like this. But I really am fine. I promise. Just…can we just keep this between us. Please."

"No problem, Doc." Juice gave her arm an affectionate rub before starting back.

"You want me to give the asshole a purple nurple for what he did." Tig offered, causing Kozik to wince but hold his cut open all the same. When Tara nodded, Tig gripped Kozik's nipple and twisted for all that he was worth. "Feel better, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head before walking away.

"Thanks, Tara." Kozik gave his chest a pat, almost as if he were afraid his nipple wouldn't still be there. "You should get out of the sun." He held a hand out and Tara slapped her palm against his before shoving him away.

"You do better taking care of yourself." Chibs pressed a kiss to her temple. "Damn near gave me a fucking heart attack."

"Hey," Opie caught Chibs' attention. "Tell Lyla to fix Tara a plate of food. We'll be over in a minute."

"Ope-" Jax started to tell his friend he didn't have to hang around.

"If she's not better, one of us is going to have to hold her down while the other drives her to the hospital." Opie explained as he refused to budge from his spot.

"I won't have to go to the hospital. I told you guys, I'm fine." But she turned the bottle of water up to her lips and finished the whole thing without taking a breath.

"Thirsty?" Jax eyes searched hers frantically. He wasn't a doctor, didn't know what signs to look for to see if something was really wrong with her. But what he did know was that when he saw the guys gathered around her that way, his heart very well may have stopped. "Hey, give us a minute." He waited until Opie stepped away. "Tell me what's really wrong."

"Nothing," With a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, Tara reached up to frame Jax's face in her hands. "Like I said, it's really hot out, and running around with nothing in my stomach just caught up to me. Really, I'm okay."

Jax pressed a hard kiss to her lips before resting his brow against her, savoring the feeling of her warm breath mingling with his. "You scared the shit out of me, Tara."

"Scared the shit out the guys, too." Pulling back she kissed his brow, his eyes, then his lips before snuggling into his arms. "I'm sorry."

His arms locked around her. "Just don't do it again."


	9. Chapter 9

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: Not to much to add to this chapter other than that it's almost completely Jax and Tara, Gemma and Clay make an appearance, but it's a quick appeance. Also, heavily rated 'M' this chapter.**

**Chapter 9**

It was well after ten at night when Jax pulled his bike into the driveway. Neeta and his mother's cars were both still there, but the Cutlass was gone. Which meant Tara was still at work and the frustration Jax felt at that had him fighting the urge to put his helmet through the window of the Liberty. He'd been gone on a two day run, a run he hadn't felt needed him, but Clay insisted. It was the weight of his VP patch that kept him from fighting his stepfather too much over it.

His first week out had been filled with playing host to other charters and sharing his old lady with every fucking body. Week two hit and Clay wanted to make another statement, wanted to remind the good people of Charming just what SAMCRO meant to them. So while half the club made a gun run, earning money for the club. The other half went to pick up supplies for a new park- the delivery of which was kept in limbo by Hale- earning town love for the club.

When Jax told Tara he had to go, he could see the anger and disappointment in her eyes. And he waited, near desperate, for her to ask him to stay. But she never did. She simply gave him that false smile that was coming a little too frequently now and told him to be safe. He'd been struck with the urge to simply shake her until she told him what she really meant. The fact that coming home to find her car gone was a reoccurring nightmare of his while he'd been on the inside, was not helping matters at all.

"Hey, Jax." Neeta smiled as she stepped out of the house. "It's good to see you out."

The smile was so sweet, the statement so genuine, Jax couldn't help but to return her smile. "Good to see you, too, Neeta. Everything okay?" "Everything's fine. The hospital called, Tara's surgery ran late, so she sent your mother to relieve me."

"Alright," Jax walked her to the door of her car, holding it open while she climbed in. "You okay to drive home?"

"Yeah, which I've told Tara, Lyla, and Gemma a thousand times, yet somehow Miles still ends up following me from the shop to my front door."

Jax waited in the drive until Neeta's taillights disappeared before heading into the house.

"Jax?" Gemma called from the back of the house.

"Yeah," Shrugging off his cut, Jax made his way through the house. It still wasn't fully unpacked. Hell, it wasn't even half-way unpacked. The family, living, and dining room still didn't even have furniture. "Hey," He greeted his mother with a kiss on the cheek. "Clay know you're here?"

"He's on his way. You look wiped, baby."

"That's because I am wiped." The boys were on a blanket in the family room, heavy lidded and fighting sleep with everything they had. "What are they still doing up?"

"One week and already they're use to mommy and daddy being here to put them to bed." The smile on Gemma's face negated her pissy words. "I like it, the thought of you and Tara putting them to bed together. It's nice."

"It might be just a memory now." As his mother was occupying the only chair, he slid down onto the floor. And thought, not for the first time, how much they needed to bring in one of those fucking couches. "It's damn near eleven o'clock and Tara's still not home."

"She's working, Jax. At least you know she's saving a kid's life and not shooting crank up her arm." Jax threw her a look that she completely ignored. "What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing." At least nothing he could tell her. In some aspects, he and Tara were fine. When they were with the boys or the club, everything was good. The sex was still outstanding, the ways she looked at him when he was inside her, sighed his name, and told him she loved him was as honest and real as it always had been. But she stopped talking to him. When it was just the two of them, she closed down. Those quiet moments weren't the same between them. Whereas before it always felt like Tara was letting down her walls with him, now it seemed like she was deliberately building them up. "We're good."

"Don't give me that shit. I've been through this with you and Tara. I know when you two are in a good place, a not so good place, a bad place, and that place where someone is walking away leaking fluids. And that someone isn't always you or Tara, just the person stupid enough to try to get between you."

"You tried to get between us."

"And look at where that got me." Gemma nodded towards the two boys. "Whatever this is, this schism this weirdness, I'm getting. You fix it, because you don't do well without her, baby."

It wasn't what he expected from his mother. The woman who stood beside him through every mistake and bad decision he made. Hell, she barely batted an eyelash at him nearly banging his own sister. And maybe that was just proving her point. "Don't worry, mom, I'm not letting her go anywhere." He'd like to see her try to leave him.

"Good."

Before Gemma could say anything else, they heard the rumble of an engine letting them know that Clay pulled up. A few seconds later he walked into the room with Tara.

"Hey," Gemma greeted her husband with a kiss. "You two ride in together."

"I picked them up at the garage, figured I'd let Kozik turn in early seeing as Tara and I were heading to the same place." Clay pulled Gemma close.

"Kozik?" And Gemma seemed to be the only one to pick up the all too casual way Jax said the other man's name.

Tara nodded as she pulled off her shoulder bag and jacket, dropping both on the kitchen island before going to the family room. "Yeah, on nights I work late he comes to the hospital and follows me home."

Jax said nothing as she walked right pass him to stretch out on the floor with the boys.

Gemma, having also seen this, and the way Jax's jaw clenched dangerously, gave her husband a push towards the door. "We should go, after two days I'm sure the kids want a little time alone together."

"They fucked like bunnies all last week, how much more alone time do they need."

"Goodnight, Clay." Jax's voice was firm, while Tara's was filled with sleep, as they invited the older man out of their home.

Jax walked them to the door. "Talk to her, Jax." Gemma whispered as she kissed him goodnight.

He nodded, waited until they both pulled out of the drive, before heading back to the family room. It seemed that his and Tara's arrival gave the boys a second wind as they were both sitting up with large grins on their faces. Tara was just barely keeping her eyes open. Moving as quietly as he could, Jax reached out to pick up the boys.

"What are you doing?" Tara's eyes shot open, she was struggling to lift up to her elbows.

"I'm going to put the boys to bed. You think you can get to bed yourself or do you want me to come back." She'd already lost the battle to stay upright and Jax knew in another ten seconds she'd be dead to the world. "I'll come back."

While he was trying to settle the boys down he heard her shuffling up the hall. Would have sworn she gave a moan of utter contentment when she hit the mattress. When the boys were finally sleep and Jax made his way to the bedroom, he didn't know what exactly to make of the sight of her. She was face down across the bed. Her jeans were down around her ankles, boots still on, her top pulled over her head but hanging off her wrist. He undressed her gently, tossing her clothes to the floor in a way he knew would bring out the line between her brows. Because he didn't see the tank she usually slept in Jax stripped off his own shirt and pulled it over her. Stripping himself the rest of the way he climbed onto the bed pulling her up to his side.

He'd barely been out an hour, was actually still wading away in the foggy place between dreams and reality, when he felt the moisture on his chest. Lethargic, absently, his hand came up to her face, her cheeks were wet as well.

"Tara, babe, you okay?"

"Yeah," But the word was a sob, her shoulders began to shake lightly. "I'm fine, go back to sleep."

"Obviously you're not fine." Keeping one hand around her shoulder, he pushed them up until they were leaning against the headboard, reaching out he clicked on the bedside lamp. They both flinched from the sudden brightness "Come on, babe. What's wrong? Talk to me."

Tara cuddled closer to him, one arm locking around his waist while her leg tangled with his. "This patient…a baby girl, blond hair, green eyes, and a smile that just..." It seemed she couldn't find the word, so just sighed. "Nine months old, her parents are eighteen just barely out of high school. Everything was going exactly as it should, we were getting ready to close her up when…she... she coded."

The sobs started again and Jax wrapped his arms tighter around her, pressing his lips to her brow. Offering comfort the only way he knew how.

"I didn't know how to tell those two kids…I'd done everything right, the surgery had gone well. But I had to go out there…they were careless, got pregnant, but they were good parents. Their primary said they couldn't have been better parents to that baby. I couldn't stand it, couldn't stand having to tell those…_babies_, that their baby was gone. And I couldn't even tell them why. They did everything right, I did everything right, and still that beautiful little girl is gone."

There were so many useless words at the tip of his tongue. Empty platitudes that meant nothing to him when Thomas died, even less when they put his dad in the ground. But she needed something, clinging to him as if desperate for him to give her even the most useless of words. "I'm sorry, Tara." And he was. So sorry for those two kids, for that family.

"What's the point, Jax? What's the point of anything, of doing what I do, if I couldn't save that baby?"

"What happened to that kid, babe, that was beyond even you. It sucks and it's scary, but there are things that we can't control. And as fucked up as it is, we'll never understand it. But, the point is that what you do is important. Abel is with us now, because of you. And there are other families, who held their kids tonight, because of you."

"I can tell you the exact number of kids I've operated on, but Abel's was the only face I ever saw. All the others…they were just parts that needed to be fixed, that _I _needed to fix. I didn't see…didn't allow myself to see them." Turning her head just a bit, her lips brushed over his tattoo. Over their sons' names. "I don't think I'll ever forget that baby's face."

The tears started again and Jax said nothing as he held her. This was only the second time she actually discussed her job with him, at least in this way. The first had been the night of Sak's funeral, when he heard the wonder in her voice at what she was able to do. He hated that she felt this way, but was grateful she talked to him about it, sought comfort from him.

"Do you think, just for the night, we can bring the boys in here with us." She looked up at him, the tears still in her eyes. "I need to have them close."

Cupping her cheek in his hand, Jax brushed his lips over hers. "Sure, babe. I guess this means I'm going have to put on pants or some shit."

"One night, baby. You'll live."

Neither of the boys woke up when they were lifted from their cribs and settled in the bed between Jax and Tara. The couple now lay in the bed facing each other, eyes drifting shut, sleep coming quickly.

"Tara," Jax spoke her name softly, smiled at her soft hum of response. "I love you."

"I love you."

Jax and Tara had found a sleeping arrangement that worked for both of them pretty early in their relationship. Tara had never been one to be spooned, she complained that it was hard to sleep with his dick digging into her ass. She especially did not appreciate it the one (she argued it was more than one) time she woke up with a back sticky from his cum. In his defense he'd been sixteen, asleep, and dreaming about her. Needless to say that argument didn't really fly.

Once, when they were eighteen and fantastically wasted, they fucked each other to the point of stupidity and exhaustion. They both passed out with Jax still on top of her and he had slept like a baby. Tara, on the other hand, hadn't enjoyed the position at all and swore she spent half the night in fear of being smothered.

He figured a lot it had to do with Tara feeling pinned down and trapped. But he wasn't a fucking psychiatrist and as long as she was close, Jax didn't particularly give a shit how they slept.

Which is why most nights Jax fell asleep with Tara curled into his side. There were a few nights when she spooned him, which he made the mistake of telling Opie about once and caught shift for a month for. And there were nights they slept with Tara draped across him like a blanket. But those positions worked for them. And Jax could admit that even with Kohn's blood on their hands he'd been pleased to find that after ten years they still slept perfectly together.

So he was surprised when he woke the next morning not with Tara curled into his side, but a small foot jammed under his rib cage. Jax could honestly say he woken up from hangovers with less pain. He started to stretch out, his feet connecting with something solid at the foot of the bed but his mind not really functioning correctly, he kicked his legs out. Not realizing he sent Tara spiraling until he heard her hit the floor.

Jax sprang up immediately, glancing to his right he saw the pillow propped against the edge to keep the boys from rolling off the bed.

"God…damn it." Tara swore viciously.

"Shit, Tara." He scrambled to the edge of the bed. Tried desperately, but failed, to keep from laughing. "You okay?"

"Shut up, Jax." Because of the way he was leaning over the bed, she was able to grab him and pull him down to the floor with her. Jax groaned in pain. "Not funny now is it."

"Goddamn, I feel like I just went twelve rounds with Happy." Because he was there and so was she, Jax stretched out on top of her. "You didn't tell me they were two wild ass sleepers."

"Honestly, I forgot about it until about twenty minutes after I fell asleep and Ben slapped me in the face, twice." Tara shifted until Jax's hips were cradled between her thighs. "_I_ was actually sleeping pretty good, you know, before you kicked me out of the bed."

"Honest mistake, darlin." His hand eased under the t-shirt to cup her breast. "You know I'd never kick you out of bed."

"So your foot in my ass was what?" Her hands ran lightly over his back. Fingers tracing his tattoo from memory.

"My way of getting you down here to do this." His mouth lowered to hers, hovering just a breathe away.

Lifting her head slightly, Tara's tongue flicked over his lips before her mouth closed over his.

By the time her hips pressed up into his, Jax was already hard. Her legs had locked around his hips, her fingers pressing more insistently against his back. He wanted the shirt off of her, but the act would require him to move. And the thin material of his boxers and her barely there panties did nothing to damper the fucking awesome friction going between them. She began to make the hottest little mewling sounds in the back of her throat.

The night before he left on the run he'd made her scream, she told him once he'd been the only one who could. He wanted to make her scream again.

"Jax, wait." She broke off the kiss, the act of keeping her hips steady causing her to tremble. "Just wait."

" What, you worried about the boys?" It was a strain on his neck but Jax caught a glance of them in the bed. "Still sleep."

"No," Jax could only assume her hands went to his waist to keep him still. Because if her intent was to keep him from fucking her into the floor, she probably shouldn't have slipped her hands under the band of his boxers so her fingers could grip tightly in his ass. "That's not it. Clay was right, we've been fucking since you got out. I wanna go slow. I need you to go slow. Please."

She didn't have to beg, but fuck if he didn't love it when she did. "Say it again."

A frown creased her brow. "What? Fuck or please."

Jax groaned, dropping his mouth to her jaw. "I didn't mean that. Tell me again you need me." Even if she just needed him to move slowly when he was inside of her, he needed to hear that she needed him for _something_.

Because he'd been expecting her silence, he kept his face buried in her neck. Mouthing at her skin in an effort to keep from begging.

"I need you, Jax." Her lips were against his ear, her voice soft, and the honesty in her words hitting him right where it counted. "I need you."

"Okay." Slow, he could do slow. It'd likely kill him, since she had him all worked up now, but he'd go slow for her. And when the smile bloomed across her face, he figured the pain his dick was about to be in was worth it.

"Come on," She gave him a shove before climbing to her feet. "Put your pillows up around the edge of the bed."

It wasn't easy, considering he was at full attention, but Jax managed to push himself off the floor. He adjusted the pillows to keep the boys from rolling off the bed before shuffling up the hall. Tara was in one of the extra bedrooms, pulling the sheets off the bed, and tossing them into the corner. The bed, which was a simple metal frame with box spring and mattress, was the only furnishing in the entire room.

He waited until she turned around before stepping into the room. Framing her hips in his hands, he pulled her in tight. "What does it say about us that we have more beds than couches?"

"That we're the only people we plan on entertaining." Tara let out a small shriek when Jax shoved her playfully onto the bed.

Leaning down over her, Jax placed his hands on either side of her to trap her in the bed. He gave a nod towards the ball of linens in the corner. "Worried about ruining the guest sheets?"

Tara didn't bother glancing over her shoulder. Choosing instead to lean forward and run her lips along his jaw and down his neck. "Just don't want to think about the last time Kozik changed them." She paused momentarily. "Or Opie, since he was the last one who slept in here."

Jax considered it growth on his part that he wasn't immediately suspicious of the fact that Kozik had a room in his house. Truth was Tara's mouth had just closed over his nipple and was moving lower. His hands fisted in her hair, back straightening, as he encouraged her ministrations.

He forgot just what a tease she could be, keeping him on edge by alternating between her lips, teeth, and tongue. Forgot how much he loved it. A lick here, a bite there, followed by a soothing kiss. Or if he was lucky the gentle suction of her mouth. She had his boxers tugged down over his ass before he was aware of it. One hand had slipped under the leg to grasp hold of the base of his cock as the other started to pull down the front of his boxers.

"Ah-ah, babe." He was too hard, too needy. If she took him in her mouth he'd be finished in moments. Taking hold of her wrists, he gave her another gentle shove so that she lay back on the bed.

"I thought you wanted to collect on our bet?"

"Oh, I'm gonna collect." He drew her feet up on the bed. Running his hands from ankle to knee he pushed her thighs apart. "Don't worry." He pressed a kiss to her knees, ran his tongue under each, before nibbling along the inside of her thigh. He took in her scent with every breath and grew impossibly harder. "Goddamn you smell good." Hooking a finger in her panties he pulled them aside, enjoyed the way she shivered when the cool air hit her, before covering her with his mouth.

Tara cried out and Jax rewarded her by running his tongue from the bottom of her slit to the top. She tried to close her thighs, but he held them open. Wondered if the pressure of his fingers would leave bruises, he kind of hoped they would. He loved marking her in intimate places only he could see.

It was why he pushed her to get the crow on the small of her back. A lot of the guys tagged their women in places easily seen by others. But not Jax. It brought a purely smug grin to his face when he brothers asked where Tara's tattoo was. Excited him to know there were parts of her only he had access to.

And because his thoughts were running along those lines, he released her thigh so that he could drive two fingers inside her. The digits curling and quickly finding her g-spot as he used his tongue to draw his name on her clit. She was coming by the time he reached 's', her leg actually hooking around his neck to hold him to her.

Jax waited until her muscles went completely lax to place a surprisingly tender and loving kiss to her sex. Gathering the hem of the T-shirt in his hands he began to push it upwards, following the progression of exposed skin with his lips. When he reached her shoulders the only help she provided was to lift her arms. He couldn't help but to grin as he pulled the shirt over her head. "You look good and fucked."

Tara ran her thumb over his chin, gathering the moisture that remained in his beard, before holding it to his mouth. "And you're a messy eater."

He closed his mouth over her thumb, sucking her taste from her skin before leaning down to share it with her. His tongue tangled with hers even as their hands tangled between them. Her panties became a casualty of their impatience. Jax shoved his boxers down his thighs, couldn't be bothered to get them any further. When she closed around him and he was buried as deep within her as he could get, he welcomed the familiar feeling of coming home.

"I think this run will finally calm Clay down a bit." Jax realized Ben had pretty much ate all the oatmeal he was going to eat but lingered at the table as Tara was still feeding Abel.

"Yeah? That's good."

When Ben tried to reach into the bowl with his hands, Jax pushed it away. "Yeah, I'll be home a lot more. Or should be, you know, I won't exactly be keeping bankers hours." She smiled but didn't say anything and he continued. "We got a couple things at the end of the week, another run this weekend, but that's just a quick overnighter. Next week things will be down right boring."

"For you." With Abel's bowl clean, Tara began to clear the table. "I've got surgeries straight through to Thursday."

"But you're off next weekend though, right?"

"Yeah," Tara placed Abel on his feet. The little boy made his way to his father, climbing happily into his lap. "But I'm trying not to think about how far away that is."

"Gemma offered to keep the boys," Jax made a casual movement with his shoulders. "I thought we could head to Vegas for a few days. Or if you think you'll be too tired for the ride, we can just stay here. Three days, just the two of us."

Jax watched as she tried to keep the hope off of her face. It wasn't often they made plans. His life didn't lend itself to plans, especially three day plans. "You really think you can get three days free?"

He thought they needed three days, just three days where it was just the two of them. It may have been ambitious and completely unrealistic, but he was going to do everything in his power to make next weekend just about the two of them. "Yeah, I think I can." His smile spread slowly. "You tell me you have a couple more pair of panties with my name on them, I know I can."

Tara stepped up behind him, her arms sliding around his neck, her lips whispering against the shell of his ear. "What if I told you there were a pair with not only your name but also the words 'property of' on them."

"Three days." Jax decided. "Even if I have to kill someone to get them."


	10. Chapter 10

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: This chapter gave me a bit of trouble, still didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted, at least the first half didn't. But I couldn't sit on it any longer. There's a lot of Abel and Ben in the first part and I thought why not have photo references to what I imagine them to look like so...**

**Abel .com/masonm1; Ben .com/koenig13**

**Chapter 10**

It seemed that both Jax and Tara were true to their word. Clay had indeed let up some and allowed the boys to actually have a life. And Tara spent near every waking moment at the hospital. The nights she came in late, she slept until she was practically running out the door to go back to the hospital. Other mornings she left so early, the new day was just barely started.

The weekend run he told her was suppose to be a quick overnighter, turned into a three day, two nighter. He'd called Tara, hours after she'd been expecting him to be home, and explained what had gone wrong. Because she'd been sleeping, she hadn't been able to guard her emotions, and she was clearly pissed off. And Jax thought she may have been a little afraid.

It was that, the fear he hadn't heard from her even while he was locked away, that had him pushing his bike to the limits to get home the minute the job was over. He pulled into his driveway just as Gemma and Neeta were strapping the boys into Tara's SUV.

"Hey," Jax saw that the Cutlass was gone, knew Tara had it. Didn't like how hard he had to convince himself she was just gone to work. "What's going on?"

"Boys have an appointment today. Just a check up." Gemma was quick to assure him. "Tara had to get to the hospital early so I'm going to take the boys over, but she'll be there for the appointment."

Jax was tired, felt as if he'd been dragged behind his bike instead of having ridden on it. But he needed to talk to Tara, needed to hold her and his boys. "I'll follow you."

"Jackson-"

"I'll follow you." His voice was firm, cutting off her argument.

They arrived at the hospital in no time, but even that short ride knocked both boys out. When he took them from their carseats they stirred, fussed a bit, but eventually settled back down. Not knowing who the boys' doctor was or where he was suppose to go, he let Gemma take the lead.

They met Tara in the hallway, she was speaking quietly to another doctor. When she heard their approach, she looked up with a smile for Gemma. When she saw Jax, there was a moments confusion, before she gave him that quick unexpected smile that he knew was just for him. She ended her conversation with the doctor before making her way towards them.

"Hey," She placed a hand on Gemma's shoulder in greeting but continued to Jax. She pressed her lips to both boys temples, then to Jax's mouth. Her hands came up to frame his face. "Figured you'd be face down in bed."

"I'll drop when you do." He kissed her again, but angled away when she started to take Ben. "I got them."

They got in to see the doctor immediately, Jax was sure that had more than a little to do with Tara's position at the hospital.

"You must be daddy?" The doctor was an older woman who looked liked everyone's cookie baking grandma. Behind her was another younger woman he assumed was a nurse. "Nice to finally meet you, I'm Dr. Langley."

"Jackson Teller." Because the boys were still in his arms, Jax simply gave the doctor a nod of greeting.

"You wanna bring them over, so we can get height and weight."

It was at this point that Jax stepped back and was surprised when Tara remained on the side of the room with him. The boys were stripped, placed on a scale, laid out on the table. The nurse took their vitals, the doctor listened to their heart and lungs. All questions were directed at Tara, the whole thing was a lot calmer then he figured it would be with his kids. Actually he was just beginning to doze off when the entire atmosphere in the room changed. Jax noticed the doctor pull out a couple syringes and medicine vials and already knew this would be bad.

"Who do you want to go first?" Dr. Langley asked Tara.

"Abel." Tara lifted Ben off the table and placed him in Jax's arms. She laid Abel down, stood over him until she filled his vision. "Hi, Abel."

"Hi, Momma!" Abel's face split in a grin, reaching out he grabbed a fist full of Tara's hair to pull her in for a kiss.

The grin on Tara's face was nearly as wide as Abel's. "Where's Abel?"

Abel pointed to his chest. "Right here."

"Where's Mine?"

Abel glanced over at Jax and Ben, small hand shooting out. "Right there."

"Where's Momma?"

"Right there." He gave Tara's hair another tug.

"Where's Daddy?"

Abel looked over again, smile still in place when he pointed. "Right there."

A smile identical to the one Abel wore spread across Jax's lips. Neither of the boys had yet to say anything that resembled dad or daddy, but it was enough that they knew who he was, even if they didn't understand. And it wasn't until the doctor was moving away that Jax realized the shot was over and what Tara had done.

She continued to smile and talk to Abel as she redressed him and handed him to Jax before taking Ben. "You might want to take him out, Abel's a bit of a sympathy crier. And I have yet to find the distraction that's going to keep Ben from crying."

Out in the hall Jax learned that Ben didn't so much as cry during his shots as scream bloody murder. And he was still crying, though not as loudly, when Tara carried him out of the room.

"Everything okay?" Gemma asked, she held a cup of coffee in one hand a sandwich from the cafeteria in the other. Seeing Tara's hands were full she dropped the sandwich in Tara's lab coat. "You eat that later."

Tara nodded, clearly taking the order for what it was.

"The boys are strong and healthy." Jax told her. "Just like their old man."

"Of course" Gemma smiled as she ran a hand over Ben's hair. "They come from strong stuff."

Tara was walking them out when they were approached by a doctor. She had tried to direct them in the opposite direction, but it had been too late.

"Dr. Knowles, a moment."

"Sure." She turned to Jax. "I'll see you at home later."

Jax realized he was being pushed out. Was going to argue with her, when the approaching doctor stopped him.

"You must be Jackson, I'm Dr. Grayson." He held out a large, dry, hand to Jax. "I'm Tara's doctor. You are?" He smiled kindly towards Gemma.

"Gemma. Jackson's mother."

"Dr. Grayson, can we do this later? Jax has to get back to work and the boys need to get home."

Not sure what it was she was trying to hide from him, Jax frowned. "I got a little time."

"This won't take long, Dr. Knowles." He smiled kindly, ignoring the glare Tara sent him. "My nurse just told me that you canceled again and I was just wondering when you planned on rescheduling."

"I've been a little swamped, I'll make another appointment when my schedule permits."

Recalling her episode at the bar-b-cue and the headaches she always seemed to be having, concern spiked through Jax. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Tara was quick to answer before Dr. Grayson could. "It's just a follow up."

"Than make the appointment." His voice was firm, broking no argument, and earning looks of surprise from both Tara and Gemma. It wasn't a tone he usually took with Tara. But something hadn't been right with her. And he didn't like that she was clearly avoiding what was supposedly a simple appointment.

"Fine." Tara's hand went to her brow, it was a gesture he was seeing her make all too often lately, as if she were trying to push away the headache that was forming. The pager on her hip went off and Jax could have sworn she flinched at the sound. "I have to go. Love you." She kissed Ben's cheek. "Love you." Then Abel's.

Jax grinned when her eyes met his. He knew she was pissed at him, but he wasn't going to apologize for making sure she was taking care of herself. "Love me?"

"God knows why." But she leaned in to kiss him as well. She gave Gemma a smile before starting up the hall where she was immediately met by Margaret.

Sadly the boys appointment was the most time they spent together over the next couple of days. He didn't know how much she would be willing to listen to him when it came to her schedule, but it was just getting fucking ridiculous and Jax felt something had to be done. Hell he knew it was bad when the guys were willing to forgo medical treatment for their more serious injuries in order to allow her to rest. Not that she had many hours left over for that.

If there was one good thing Jax could say was coming out of Tara's hectic schedule, it was the time he got to spend alone with the boys. They still preferred Tara to him, hell they preferred Tara to everyone, but their eyes were starting to light up when he stepped into the room. And when they cried, and Tara wasn't around, they reached for him.

"Hey," Gemma stepped out of the office, shouting over the music they had blaring in the garage. "I got a repo list."

"Can't you send Irish?" Opie asked. Jax was sure that if he'd been talking to anyone else it would have been a demand.

"Irish is with a customer. Miles, Phil." Gemma waved the list until Miles accepted it. She gave Opie a concerned look before going back into the office.

Jax looked up from the exhaust he was working on to glance out at Aiden. He was leaning against a spiffy little Roadster, the owner was giving him a look like she couldn't wait to drop her panties for him. "You really don't like him." He glanced over at Kozik who was working on a engine with Tig. "None of you."

"What's there to like." Kozik didn't bother to glance up.

"Kozzie's right." Tig glanced out of the garage. "He's a shithead pretty boy. I don't trust him."

"The guy is use to being big shit." Opie stepped away from the bike to stand in the open garage door, arms crossing slowly over his chest. "Guys wanting to be him, pussy being thrown at him."

Jax frowned. They had come across guys like this their whole life. And between the two of them Opie had always been better about ignoring them. He'd held a quiet contempt for them, but never such open hostility.

"He comes here," Opie continued. "Expecting the same thing. Thinking he can get whatever he wants. That's going to make him dangerous, brother."

The frown only deepened, but before Jax could say anything else the Cutlass turned into the gate. She pulled up just behind the Roadster, her laughter cutting through the noise as she and Lyla stepped out. She was still in her scrubs, bag tossed over her shoulder, her hair pulled up in a ponytail. But it was Lyla's clothes that had him battling back a grin. She was in a pair of slim black slacks and a red long-sleeved top that was buttoned up to the collar. Jax didn't know how long it would take for him to get use to that.

"Tara," Aiden stepped away from the customer and right into Tara's path. "Got a minute, luv?"

"Uh," Tara glanced over his shoulder at Jax. "Can it wait? I just-"

Making his way out of the garage Jax didn't bother shoving Aiden aside, simply stepped around him to slip an arm around Tara's back. "Sorry, Irish, but I get first dibs."

"Dibs?" The distaste at his choice of words were clear in her voice, but Tara's arms still found their way around his waist.

Jax brought one hand up to frame her face. "You know what I meant." The words were spoken against her lips. And the kiss had nothing to do with Aiden, but everything to do with the fact that Jax felt he hadn't seen her in days. "What's going on? You done for the day?"

"I wish." She kept her mouth on his, body pressed close. "We were scheduled for a minor same day, but it had to be pushed back. Way back."

"Couldn't they just reschedule?"

"Anyone else could and would, but this patient is Jacob Hales' granddaughter." Tara rolled her eyes. "Jacob had Margaret clear my entire schedule so I could be the primary."

Jax tried not to laugh at the very obvious frustration she was feeling. "So what happened?"

"Kelly Simmons-Hale happened. She fed the kid."

The fact that she made someone feeding their kid sound like a crime worthy for capital punishment had his lips curling in a smile. "Kelly Simmons." Jax remembered her, then again it was hard to forget the blonde leggy emptied headed Kelly. They had a thing, a very brief thing after Tara left. But Jax knew Tara's beef with the pleasantly simple Kelly had nothing to do with him. The two had never gotten along, almost as if one's very existence offended the other. "What did she fed her?"

"Everything. I don't know what time you plan on heading home, but if it's too late can you call Gemma. See if she can relieve Neeta?"

"Yeah, no problem." Jax's hand slipped beneath the scrub top, fingers dancing absently over her tattoo. "So what were you two getting up to?"

"I'd been hounding Tara to come with me to picked out her maid-of-honor dress. Probably would still be wearing her down if whoever Kelly Simmons-Hale is wasn't a total idiot." Lyla informed him. "But we finally got it done. And if you don't mind me saying, Jax, your old lady is smoking."

Jax pulled back slightly to smile at a clearly exhausted Tara. "Oh yeah?"

Tara gave a tired smile, her head dropping down to rest on Jax's chest. "Lyla picked it out." She said by way of explanation.

"How much time you got before you have to get back to the hospital?"

"Six hours." She burrowed in closer to him. "I was hoping to sleep for a couple of them. But if I go back to the house and the boys see me…"

"Sleep would be a pipe dream. Why don't you go lay down in the clubhouse."

"Thought you'd never ask." She heaved a sigh of relief, before pulling out of his arms. "Wake me in two hours. I did want to spend a little time with you."

Jax watched her walk into the clubhouse before turning to head back into the garage, damn near ran right into Aiden. "I'm sorry, Irish." His grin was wide, smug, and anything but apologetic. "Maybe you can get that minute when she wakes up."

He let her sleep a little longer than two hours. It had been a struggle for him because he had missed her, needed to spend time with her, needed to be inside her. But ever since the bar-b-cue, he'd wanted to take care of her. Wanted to show not just his brothers, but Tara as well, that she could count on him. Actually the only reason he was waking her up now was because Chibs had gone out for food. And feeding Tara had been high on everybody's list.

Jax made his way into the clubhouse ahead of everyone else. Piney was already at the bar and he gave him a pat on the shoulder in greeting. Heading to the back he passed Aiden and couldn't help but wonder when the fuck he'd gotten pass everyone. But quickly put it out his mind, as he imagined a number of ways he could wake Tara up.

Going to the room that had been his, Jax was surprised to find it empty. He went to the bathroom, it was empty as well, he turned to stare at the bed as if Tara would somehow appear. With a frown, and just a hint of panic, he made his way out into the main room of the clubhouse.

"Hey, Piney, did you see Tara go out?" Though Jax wasn't sure how she would have gotten past him. Anymore than he could figure where she went with the Cutlass still there.

"No. She's in the back laying down."

Jax shook his head. "That's what I thought, but she's not in my room."

"Jax," Opie approached him, voice low. "Check the room I usually use."

"Why-" But it hit him almost instantly, Ima. He knew Tara probably spent a lot of time wondering just what he done with the porn queen in that room. And knew the odds of her ever setting foot in there again were completely nil. "Fuck. Just fucking great."

"Come on, brother, can you blame her."

That he couldn't. That he knew if he ever found out she was with another man in their home, he'd burn it to the fucking ground, only made it worse. "No I can't." He made his way back to Opie's room feeling sick to his stomach. What he'd done, there was no undoing, and he had a feeling the blowback from it was hardly over.

When he opened the door to the dorm room, he expected to find Tara still asleep. But she was sitting up in the bed, fumbling for the bedside lamp. Jax went to her immediately, catching her trembling hands in one of his and reaching out to turn the lamp on himself. "Hey, hey, Tara. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." But she was short of breath. "Nothing, I just-"

"What?" Jax brushed her hair back, tilting her head back so that he could see her eyes. She had that wild frightened look in her eyes. Everytime he saw that look in her eyes he was struck with the urge to kill something. "Tara, tell me."

"Aiden…he was in here…he was looking for something for Gemma…" Her voice hitched before he watched her gather her control, taking several deep breaths even as she gripped tightly at his hands. "Josh, the first time I tried to break it off with him, I went back to my apartment. My windows and doors were locked…I don't know how he even... but I woke up with him standing over my bed. He kept doing it, even after I took him back. Said he thought it was romantic. Just scared the shit out of me. With Aiden...it was dark and for a moment I thought..."

"It's okay, babe." Jax pressed a kiss to her temple. "It's okay. Kohn's gone, he's gone." And not for the first time Jax thought how much it sucked that some people could only die once.

"Jax, Tara." Juice's voice proceeded the knock on the door. "Food's here."

"Come on," Jax gave her hands a tug to pull her off the bed. "Lyla said you haven't ate at all today."

"Lyla wasn't even with me all day." Tara mumbled as she slid her feet into her shoes.

His fingers gently brushed her tears away. "But she's right, isn't she."

Tara cut him a look, but wrapped her arms around his waist and said nothing as he lead her out of the room.

"Doc!" Chibs held up a Styrofoam food container. "I got your favorite, turkey club extra mayo and a double order of chips. And some of Fiona's toffee apple crumble."

Tara gave a pleased, deep throated moan. "I'd say I couldn't possibly eat all that, but I'd be lying."

"Come sit down, sweetie." Gemma pushed out a chair at the table where she sat. "Though I wish you'd eat something a bit healthier. Something that'll stick to your bones."

"It's sticking where it counts." Jax whispered in Tara's ear, his hand going down to cup her ass.

"Don't start something you can't finish."

"Who says I don't plan on finishing?"

"Hey, enough with the grab ass." Gemma interrupted. "Tara come eat. Jax, Clay's waiting for you."

With a nod, Jax gave Tara's ass one last pat before making his way into the chapel. "Hey."

"Can you make this quick? I'm fucking starving." Clay brought his cigar to his lips, blew smoke out languidly.

"Yeah, look, I was kind of hoping to take Tara out of town this weekend." Jax leaned over the back of one of the chairs. "We may just end up staying in, but I need three days. Three days with my old lady."

"What's on your mind, son?"

Jax pushed off the chair. He hated that his discomfort showed so clearly. But he'd never been in this position before and he was afraid. Afraid to fall into that weird fucked up zone Opie found himself in with Donna after he got out. Afraid that Tara was working herself half to death because she couldn't stand to be around him anymore. Afraid that everything he'd done to her after Abel was still between them. Afraid of losing her.

"Sometimes she looks at me…it's almost like she doesn't even know me. I have to make sure everything is okay with us, Clay. If there's an emergency, if I absolutely have to be with you guys, call I'll be there. But…" Jax made a restless movement with his hands, his anxiety and fear must have been clear on his face as Clay came over to place one large hand on the side of his face. "I need three days, Clay."

"Okay." Clay's voice was low, obviously understanding and sympathizing with what his step-son was going through. "Three days. You make things right with her."

When he stepped out of the chapel, most of the guys had found their way into the clubhouse. His mother and Piney was still at the table, but the chair Tara had been in was empty.

"Where's Tara?"

"She went to see if there was any orange juice." Gemma answered, her voice was easy but there was something like concern on her face.

"Hey," Opie stopped Jax before he could go back into the little kitchenette. Chibs was next to him. "We need to talk to you." Jax was impatient, through the window he could see Tara and Kozik. He thought they might have been arguing. Or at least Kozik was arguing and Tara was being reasonable. And Jax knew just how infuriating that shit could be. "What's up?"

"Tara...she's not getting better, brother." Opie began softly and drawing Jax's full attention. "She sat down at the table and she was fucking shaking, could barely keep her hands still. I'm not a doctor but I know that shit ain't right."

Something was wrong with her and they knew, they all fucking knew. But no one told him shit. His fist clenched at his side and he imagined driving it into this best friend's face. "What the fuck is wrong with her, Ope?"

"I don't know." And Jax thought that was a lie. That even if Opie didn't really know for sure, he had his suspicions.

"Why would she keep something like this from me?"

"Maybe she doesn't want to worry you, you know, if it's not serious." Chibs explained and Jax thought he was lying, too.

But Opie, when it counted, even when it was something he didn't want to hear, his best friend didn't pull his punches. Now was no different. "Or maybe she doesn't trust you anymore. Maybe you haven't given her a reason to."


	11. Chapter 11

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: So here we find out what's wrong with Tara. **

**Big thanks to Louise Roseli, who figured out what was wrong with Tara and offered information regarding her symptoms.**

**Chapter 11**

Opie's words stayed with him for days. At first he tried to convince himself that Opie didn't know what the hell he was talking about. That Opie couldn't really understand what he and Tara had. They fought before, it wasn't exactly new, but there was an understanding between them. Tara knew him, knew how he felt about her. Maybe, after she came back, their relationship had never been clearly defined, but his feelings for her…those had been laid bare almost from the start.

Hadn't he told her he thought of how things would be between them when she came back. Told her that what he needed from her was to stay with him. He told her that those all consuming feelings he had for her, feelings that would plunge his eighteen year old brain into a dark suicidal abyss whenever they were apart, were still there. And if there was one thing that scared the shit out of him while he was on the inside, it was the thoughts he had of eating his own gun if she ever left him.

Everything he told her that day in the hospital after Donna was killed was then and still today the utter truth. At the funeral, when she kissed him, he thought they had clicked back into placed. Gotten back to that point where words weren't needed between them. He loved her, had only ever loved her. And she knew, hadn't she known it enough to come straight back to him when she needed to feel safe. Hadn't she known it when she called _him_ after she shot Kohn and not Hale. She loved and trusted him then, Jax had comforted himself, what the fuck did Opie know.

But then he'd see her. See the exhaustion in every movement she'd make. See the headache pounding at her temples. Watch her eat, enough food to put Opie to shame, and not gain a pound. He'd drop hints, push just a bit, and wait for her to tell him what was going on. She never did. And Jax decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Hey," Jax approached the nurses station, easy grin in place. "I need to make an appointment with Dr. Grayson, where do I do that?"

"Mr. Teller," Margaret Murphy approached him. "I hope you're feeling well."

Jax bit back a displeased sigh. There weren't too many people who disliked him as much as Margaret Murphy. Actually not since his high school principle has any woman looked at him with such thinly veiled disgust. "Right as rain."

"Your kind always is." Margaret didn't try to muffle her words. "Dr. Knowles is in surgery, will be for quite a while."

"Thanks for the info. But I need to make an appointment, for Tara, and I need to know her schedule and where I can do that."

"First off, Mr. Teller, you and Dr. Knowles are not married so you can't talk to her doctor. Same goes with her schedule."

"Listen, I'm just trying to take care of her. You have to see that she's exhausted, she needs to see a doctor."

"She needs to be away from you, away from the club that nearly got us both killed." Margaret's voice was quiet, but her eyes were hard, fierce. For a moment Jax was reminded of Gemma. "If she's exhausted its because you and your club are running her ragged. It's better for her to be here, away from you."

"Away from her sons all day," Jax bit the words out harshly, no longer seeing Tara's boss or an innocent. When he looked at Margaret now he saw an obstacle. "Too tired to play with them when she comes home. You think that's better for her. You say you care about, Tara-"

She gave a bitter, humorless laugh. "That's rich coming from you. The way you hurt her."

The last thing he needed, the absolute fucking last thing, he needed was someone else throwing back up in his face just how badly he hurt Tara. Like he didn't know, like he didn't see it whenever she gave him that guarded look or fake smile. His jaw clenched, his voice lowered. And Jax was completely unaware of just how threatening he looked in that moment. "You think you're the first person to try to come between us. Tara and I survived ten years apart, crazy exes, junkie exes, my mother. We survived family shit, club shit, and work shit. We survived our kid being taken, her being taken, and me being on the inside. But you wanna throw your hat in the ring, go ahead, give it your best shot."

Margaret nodded. "Yes, you and Tara survived an awful lot, but I wonder is it possible you'll be able to survive yourselves." And with that, she gave him one last disgusted look before walking away.

"Mr. Teller?"

With a confused frown, Jax glanced over to the nurse at the desk. He could honestly say he forgot she was even there. And couldn't say for certain when the other two arrived, but was sure they had gotten quite the show. "Yeah?"

"Dr. Knowles isn't scheduled for any surgeries on Monday." Her voice was low, as if she were sure Margaret was lurking behind a corner somewhere. "And if you want, I can call Dr. Grayson's nurse and schedule an appointment for her."

"You'd do that?"

"Sure." She typed something into the computer before picking up the phone. "It's become obvious Dr. Knowles isn't going to."

After leaving the hospital, Jax met up with Opie and the two rode out to the surplus store. It was suppose to be a quick stop to sign off on the installation of a new safe, but they hung around for bit. Piney had seemed near his wits end, so Opie took over hearing all Lyla's new ideas for the wedding. There was a problem with a disgruntled dealer up at CaraCara, Jax didn't want to bother but apparently while he was on the inside Opie had made it clear that shit wouldn't be tolerated. Jax hadn't asked, knew it had something to do with Lyla and Trammel, but Opie handled things well so Jax just let it go.

It had taken longer than Jax would have liked, but there had been tears, accusations, and hysterical pleas. But he stayed out of it and Opie stood his ground. Jax had been proud of his friend and the guys had been ecstatic with the prospect of "auditioning" new girls. There was another stop to talk with Unser about the last town hall meeting. By the time they got back to Teller-Morrow it was well pass five and the Liberty was back by the garage.

His mother was at the picnic table holding Ben on her lap, for his part Ben was standing on unsteady legs laughing and squealing as Tara and Abel chased Juice with a couple of water pistols. Although Abel wasn't really doing much shooting, simply chasing Juice around while thrusting the pistol at him. Tara, on the other hand, was wreaking major havoc. That she was down to a pair of scrub pants and black tank let him know that she was done for the day. More importantly, their plans for the weekend might not completely blow up in their faces.

Abel caught sight of him first, gave an excited shout, and ran to Tara. Recognizing the game, Jax charged his kid, making a near lunge for him as he clung to Tara's legs. Jax made another lunge and Abel ducked out of the way. The third time Jax caught him and lifted the madly giggling baby into the air.

"Momma, help! Momma!"

Tara raised her water pistol and caught Jax twice in the face, sending Abel into hysterics.

"Was that really necessary?" Jax asked with a wry grin, when Tara started to raise the pistol again he was expecting it and caught her wrist to pull her to him. When he leaned in to kiss her, she pulled back. "What?"

"I'm not happy with you." Jax gave his best confused face, but it was clear Tara was having none of it. "The disagreement you had with Margaret at the hospital." She pushed out his arms and started towards the picnic table where the rest of the club had gathered. "Making me a doctor's appointment without at least running it by me first."

"Take it you're mad at me."

"Not mad," Her hand started towards her brow, she seemed to catch the movement and dropped her hand immediately. A hand, he now noticed, that had started to tremble. "We'll talk about it later. Right now I'm starving."

"Kozik sent Miles out for pizza. You should stick around to eat." It was more demand than question, the fact that his mother was shooting a pointed look his way, Jax realized it was a demand aimed at him. "No need to ride that long on an empty stomach."

"Yeah," Tara smiled as she reached down to tickle Ben's belly. "We're not leaving right away, still have to go home and shower. But I think I could hang around for food."

"Jax, man, I really think you and the Doc need me to tag along with you." Tig was leaning against the end of the table, a bottle of beer dangling from his fingers. "Just in case something happens, I'm there."

Jax couldn't help but laugh, the guys had been trying to horn in on this trip since he told them about it. "We're good, bro."

"Tara luv," Aiden was leaning against one of the posts, fingers toying with a cigarette Jax was sure he'd been advised none to kindly not to light around the boys. "I didn't take you for a night out in the desert kind of girl."

Tara's shoulders moved in an innocent shrug, but the smile on her face was anything but. "Depends on the company."

"Oh, Tara and Jax love nights out in the desert." Gemma began in a tone Jax knew wouldn't end well for him. "Love them so much they couldn't even be bothered to tell people where they were going."

Tara looked at Jax, it was clear she was trying not to smile. But her lips curled no matter how hard she tried to fight it. "That's not true. We told Opie once."

"And he tagged along so you stopped telling him dick." Clay reminded before he gave Opie a sympathetic look. "I don't know how the fuck you did that."

"My best friend." Opie gestured towards Jax with his beer bottle. "And he tried to kick me out of the tent. Only reason he let me in was because Tara threatened to become locked at the knee. Was still hell, tent was this big," He made a circle with his hands. "And he spent the night trying to talk his way into her pants after I fell asleep."

"You think it was bad for you." Tara began as Chibs came to stand next to her and it looked to Jax like she leaned into him a bit. "I spent the night with your knee jammed into my back."

"Wasn't my knee." Opie joked and earned a squirt of water to his face from Tara.

"Hey, careful." Jax warned his best friend. "Besides, this time we're not camping. I'm gonna be putting my Old Lady up real nice."

"Which," Tig began. "Is why you need me there, man. Make sure no shit jumps off while your in some fancy Vegas Hotel."

"I've a question," Chibs' arm went around Tara, pulling her tight to his side. "Exactly how do you plan on getting fifteen feet without that one," He pointed to Abel, who grinned as if he knew what Chibs was getting at. "Raising all holy hell."

"We just have to wait until they're down for the night. And," She held up her hand, a reproachful smile dancing at the corners of her lips. "I know what you all are thinking, but they're not spoiled." It was clear no one believed her. "Really, they're not. They're just set in their ways. They get it from their grandma."

"You can try again because I ain't taking the fall for that one, sweetheart." Gemma's eyes had narrowed a bit, her head tilting to the side in that way she had. "Tara?"

Jax noticed the way Chibs' arm tightened around Tara. Even in the waning light he could see the flush start at her neck and rise to her face. "Tara?" He spoke her name a little louder than his mother had. Tried again when she didn't even glance his way. "Bobby," He started to hand his son to the club's secretary and had to watch helplessly as Tara tried to take a step away from Chibs before her knees buckled and she collapsed in Chibs' arms.

He didn't know how long they'd been waiting. They'd taken Tara into an exam room, a nurse had slapped a hand on his chest, firing questions at him about what happened. He figured she hadn't really counted on receiving answers from everyone. But she seemed to take it all in before walking into the exam room and closing the door in Jax's face.

He'd brought the boys with him. Because Neeta had gone out of town to visit her sister, Opie had called Lyla to pick up the boys. But all Lyla seemed to hear was that Tara was in the hospital and had hung up the phone before Opie could say anything else. Things had gone pretty much the same with Fiona, who found out when Lyla called Kerrianne to come sit with her kids. Jax was just glad the boys were both sleep, the crying jag and the car ride having tired them out.

They'd seen Tara go down. He didn't know how much they understood. Would have thought they hadn't understood any of it. But Abel had reached for her, called for her, and began to scream when she didn't respond. He didn't want to disturb them, realized he wouldn't know how to calm them down if they woke up crying for Tara. So he asked Juice to carry them in, car seat and all. Now they sat on either side him, still strapped into their seats, and oblivious to their environment.

Jax didn't even need for Margaret to open her mouth to know just how pissed she was at the sight the entire club made crowded in the hall. She watched him as if she was just waiting for him to let loose on her. Or as if she were waiting for some hillbilly orgy to jump off right where they stood. Normally he'd let his disgust be known, but at the moment he was too twisted up over what could be wrong with Tara to even give a shit about her bitch of a boss. Didn't stop Gemma and Fiona from letting her know just how much they believed this was her fault.

The three women began a hushed, rapid conversation that quickly elevated in tone and volume. Jax glanced over at his stepfather, Clay was slumped down in his chair, one large hand shielding his face like a visor. It was clear he was hiding.

"Hey," There was only a hint of nerves in his voice, not even a tenth of what he was feeling. "Can you go handle that?"

"You know Chibs' old lady is down there too." Clay pointed out only to receive an impassive look from Jax. He gave a tired, put upon, sigh as he pushed to his feet. "Shit. Fine. But Chibs has to come, too."

"Mr. Teller?"

Jax would have sworn that Clay actually heaved a sigh of relief when the doctor called his name. The argument at the other end of the hall ended immediately and the three women pushed their way through the group of men.

"Right here." Jax pushed to his feet, but didn't want to move too far away from the boys. "How is she? Is she okay?"

"Fortunately, you got her here in time." Dr. Grayson informed him. "We want to run a few test, merely routine. But I'm sure the hypoglycemia is a symptom of Tara's mismanaging of her diabetes. How long would you say the headaches-"

"Wait," Jax frowned, looked to Opie, Gemma, and Kozik who weren't nearly as confused as he was. "Diabetes? Tara doesn't have diabetes."

Dr. Grayson looked down at his chart. "Tara was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during her first trimester. But she managed it very well, that your son was born so healthy is a testament to that. Now it's not uncommon for women with gestational diabetes to develop type 2 diabetes, usually it's later. Which leads me to believe there was a misdiagnoses."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I have reason to believe Tara's diabetes wasn't caught _until_ her first trimester." Dr. Grayson closed the chart. "I'm well aware that she's been showing symptoms for a while now. The truth is Mr. Teller, she's stressed, overworked and exhausted. There are a great many things that could have went wrong. She was very lucky this time."

"Did you know?" Jax demanded of his mother after the doctor left them. Dr. Grayson informed them that Tara was refusing to be admitted, so they sent her for tests, and Jax would be able to see her when she was brought back. Now he was struggling with his temper, his fear, his regret.

"Jackson," Gemma's eyes narrowed on him as if she was trying to find him through the emotion playing on his face. "They told her it was gestational diabetes, that's what she told us. She took care of herself, it should have been fine."

But something could have gone wrong. Either Tara or Ben…just thinking of what could have happened to either of them was like a hammer to the chest. "I should have been told."

"She didn't want to worry you, brother. There-"

Jax's eyes were like flint when they landed on Chibs. He knew what the Scotsman was going to say, that there was nothing he'd have been able to do about it even if he had known. He didn't want to hear it, didn't need to hear it when the words wouldn't stop flitting through his brain.

"Honestly, bro, she chalked the whole thing up to being over worked." Kozik began. And hearing what Tara thought from Kozik may have been worse than hearing there was nothing he could have done about her being sick. "She was anxious about you getting out, there were nights she couldn't sleep cause she was afraid something would happen and you'd be gone another fourteen months. She didn't want anything twisting you up, taking your head out of the game, even her shit. All she wanted was you home with her."

"Hey," Clay caught Jax by the back of the neck, pulling him close, and pointing a finger of warning in his face. "I know you've been blowing off all my advice when it comes to the Doc. And maybe, because of things I've said before, I can understand that. But you listen to me, son. What they did, it was because Tara asked them to. And what Tara did, was because she didn't want your worrying causing you to do something really fucking stupid. She was just trying to take care of you, trying to get you home. Now you're home, stop thinking about what someone should have told you, and take care of your old lady."

Lyla had gone back home and Fiona had taken the boys back to his mother's. Miles and Phil had headed back to the clubhouse. And Opie and Kozik had practically pushed Aiden out of the hospital. No one else had even made comment about budging. That is until the nurse came out and told him he could go in and see Tara.

"I think," The nurse began hesitantly when they all moved forward. "It might be best if just one of you go in. For now."

She was still hooked up to an IV when Jax went in. The hospital bed was partially raised but Tara's eyes were closed. But once the door clicked closed at his back, her eyes slid open slowly and Jax thought he saw guilt flicker briefly over her face.

"Hey," His words were whisper soft as he stood beside the bed. Jax thought he should be careful, that she looked tired, and he didn't want to pull the needle from her arm. But her lips curved slightly and her fingers tangled with his. One hand cupped her cheek, holding her steady as his mouth took hers in an urgent kiss.

In all honesty, Jax had intended the kiss to be chaste. Just something to reassure himself that she was fine, whole. But her lips parted, her tongue flicking teasingly over his bottom lip, and something in him broke. His fingers found their way into her hair, tangling, tightening. She'd scared him, had his mind racing with all the things that could have been wrong with her, with all the things he'd do if he lost her.

"Jax…"

"Shh," His tongue slipped past her lips to tangle with hers. What would he have done if he'd never again be able to taste her this way? Never again felt her shuddering exhale when he teeth grazed her bottom lip or the soft little whimpers she made. What would he have done? The answer flashed through his mind, scaring him so his finger tightened almost painfully in her hair. Pulling back he rested his brow against hers. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think there was anything to tell." Tara's hands came up, fingers toying with the ends of his hair. "I didn't want to worry you."

"Kind of dropped the ball there." His eyes scanned her face. She was pale, making the dark circles under her eyes all the more prominent. "Tara…"

"I know."

Taking her hand, Jax brought it up to press a kiss to her palm. "You're going back on vacation. I talked to Dr. Grayson, scheduled you another appointment. We're going to get you healthy."

"I just got off vacation, I can't-"

"I can't lose you, Tara." Jax made sure his voice broke no argument. "The boys can't lose you. Shit, babe, the only way I can make all this work-my life, the club-is if you're with me. So just, for the next couple of days, just let me take care of you."

"Okay."


	12. Chapter 12

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**For ZuZu's Petals as promised.**

**Chapter 12**

Surprisingly they were left alone the day she went home from the hospital and the entire next day. There was food in the house and Jax was sure to shove a plate in front of Tara every few hours. He'd picked up her prescriptions and kept on her about using her glucometer. She slept, she ate, and Jax was beginning to breathe just a bit easier.

Unsurprisingly, they were bombarded with visitors the on the second full day. Gemma came by first thing in the morning, with the boys. She insisted on making Tara breakfast and going through their refrigerator and throwing out everything she thought Tara shouldn't be eating. It wasn't until she was getting ready to go that Gemma realized her mistake. Jax didn't know if they were dragging the boys away from Tara or Tara away from the boys. Either way it wasn't pretty and he didn't envy his mother having to calm them down.

Lyla and Opie came by next, that Piney was with them came as a shock. The old man had taken one long look at Tara, Jax would have sworn he saw something like relief wash over his face, before he shoved a bag into Jax's chest.

"That's from Bobby." Opie explained.

"And it's for Tara." Piney added with a warning look towards Jax.

Jax could only send Tara an incredulous look. Piney had always been a hardass, but he had the sneaking suspicion that the old man was going to be a fucking bear in regards to Tara now. "What is it?"

"Cinnamon bread." Lyla explained. "Apparently he read somewhere that cinnamon is good for people with type 2 diabetes."

"Nice house." Piney glanced around. "Why the hell isn't there anywhere to fucking sit."

It was about this time that Chibs, Fiona, and Kerrianne came in and Jax figured it was the best time to bring in the couches Tara had bought and stored in the garage.

"Can I ask why three couches have been in your garage all this time?" No sooner had they sat the last couch in place in the family room, had Chibs dropped down on it.

"Our times never really meshed to get them in." Tara folded herself into one corner of the couch, head resting against the back. "Besides the couches aren't nearly as embarrassing as all the boxes with Jax's name on them still out there."

"You know." Jax dropped down next to her, there was a teasing grin on his face. "Last time I moved, Gemma unpacked for me."

"Last time I checked, I wasn't Gemma."

Everyone left a little over an hour later. Feeling as if they would finally be left alone, Jax attempted to talk Tara into the shower. They were nearly there, he'd already tugged her sweats down over her hips and had slipped his hands down the back, when Kozik walked in.

"Hey, Tara." His voice proceeded him up the hall.

"They seriously don't fucking knock, do they."

"Told you." Tara tugged her sweats back into place, before stepping around Jax to walk back towards the family room. "Hey."

Kozik's gaze swept over both of them and his flinch seemed to indicate that he understood just what he interrupted. "Sorry, but Tara can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure."

They both turned to look at Jax and he was very much aware that the implication was that Kozik wanted to speak to Tara alone. But he merely crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall leading back towards the bedrooms. Over the pass few weeks he'd come to see their relationship for what it was. There was clearly a caring and understanding between them. He saw, as Opie said, that they were as close as siblings. Still, he didn't know what the hell they had to talk about that he couldn't hear.

"Jax." Tara's voice was more exasperated than annoyed.

But before she could say anything more the prepay went off and he knew without a doubt it was Clay. And he was more than ready to let it go when she gave him a pointed look that had him rolling his eyes and heading back to the bedroom where his phone was.

"Yeah, Clay." The words were clipped, his tone hard.

"Sorry to disturb your day, son."

"Why should you be left out?" Jax mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing." Lowering himself to the edge of the bed, he leaned forward on his knees. Trying not to watch as Tara lead Kozik to the laundry room. "What's up?"

"I know you wanted a few days with the Doc, but I'm going to need you to come by the clubhouse tomorrow."

Jax took the phone away from his ear a moment, just barely resisting the urge to throw it into the wall. "Clay-"

"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. The thing is, Hale is looking to put a waterpark out on the fairgrounds, boost tourism."

"And this can't wait?"

"No. Come by tomorrow, bring the Doc."

The line went dead and Jax realized that Clay was never really asking. There was a moment where he considered simply turning the phone off. As it was the past two days hadn't gone at all as he planned. Regretted not taking Tara out of town when he had the chance, even if it was just up to the cabin. Tossing the phone aside, he went straight back toward the laundry room. He wanted Kozik gone. He wanted Tara to himself, just to himself, for a while.

They were speaking in hushed, almost intimate, tones. Jax found himself leaning against the wall just out of their sight.

"I'm not mad. I did miss him, it wasn't exactly a secret."

Jax could hear the teasing in her voice, imagined her lips curling in a sardonic smile.

"As long as you didn't mention the nights I cried myself to sleep." There was a long pause. "Jesus Christ, Kozik."

"Sorry. I just…He had to understand why you didn't tell him. It was fucked up that you didn't tell him."

"So you've said."

There was another pause, Jax thought about making his presence known when Kozik spoke again.

"You need to talk to him, Tara. If you keep this in, you're just going to get sick again."

"I was hypoglycemic that-"

"The last time you wer hyperglycemic and that can be caused by stress. I looked it up. If he knew…if you told him-"

"I did tell him." Tara's voice was now a harsh whisper. "And I felt like...I can't...I won't...go through that again."

There was something so raw, so painful, in her voice that for a moment Jax wanted to slip away in shame.

"Shit, Tara, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't."

"Maybe I should take off before Jax comes back here, sees you upset, and kicks my ass."

"Alright. Thanks, Kozik, for coming by. I-"

"No problem, darlin."

It was at this moment Jax chose to step into the room. Figured nothing good could come from Tara or Kozik running into him lurking in the hall. "Hey."

Kozik gave a nod. "I'm gonna catch you later, bro."

Jax thought about offering him a beer, telling him he didn't have to rush off, but the thought of Kozik taking him up on his offer had him keeping his mouth shut. He was in no mood to tolerate another long visit from one of his brothers. "See you tomorrow?"

"Rather I like it or not." Kozik laughed as he started up the hall. "I'll let myself out."

Jax gave a nod but his eyes remained on Tara. He wanted to ask her what was wrong. Wanted to know what she could tell Kozik that hse couldn't tell him. But something held him back. When before he was pressing so hard to find out what was wrong with her, now he was afraid of he answer. Afraid that this time it had nothing to do with her health and everything to do with him. "You tired?"

"Not really." She crossed the room towards him, wrapping both arms around his waist. "Was that Clay on the phone?"

Bringing one arm up to wrap around her shoulders. "Yeah, he wants us at the clubhouse tomorrow. He's ready to move against Hale." He began to lead her up the hall to the bedroom, noticed the way her mouth opened as she started to say something only for her to quickly close it. "What?"

"It's just…it can't wait until Tuesday?"

"Not as far as Clay is concerned."

Her head dropped against his shoulder. "We should have just gone out of town."

Jax's lips were curled when he pressed them to her temple. "I was thinking the same thing, babe."

The thing was, Jax knew better than to laugh. He knew it was in his best interest, and the best interest of his balls, if he glared and threatened to kick Kozik's ass. But he lit her up with balloons filled with honey. In and of itself that shit was funny, add to it that for about ten whole seconds Tara couldn't even form words made it funnier. And Jax really did try not to laugh, really he did, but halfway through hosing her down by the garage he just lost it. Actually the only person who was able to hold it together was Opie. So Opie was the only one who didn't receive a very calculated glare from her.

"What the fuck, Doc?" The best way to describe the look on Clay's face was horrified confusion.

"Ask them." Tara snatched away from the arm Jax tried to wrap around her. "Opie, I'm using your shower."

"Okay." Opie waited for her to disappear in the back before a large grin broke out on his face. "I'd really hate to be you guys right now."

"What happened?" Clay asked again.

"Kozik pelted Tara with honey filled balloons." Opie explained, causing Clay and Tig to wince. "Jax and Juice laughed."

"Oh shit, brother." Chibs shook his head sadly. "She's gonna fucking gut ya."

"Please, Tara's a sweetheart." Tig shook his head. "She's probably gonna ask me to gut you."

"Before that happens, can we get started please." Clay snapped his fingers at Miles. "Have one of the girls make sure Tara has fresh towels. And when was the last time she ate?"

"Just before we left." Jax answered, this time he didn't bother to cover the grin.

"What? Gemma's on her way, she's gonna ask, and I don't want her jumping up my ass if she doesn't get the answer she wants. Now if you ladies are done, can we…" He gestured to the chapel, but turned his back to go in before anyone could respond.

Jax was actually surprised that he got everyone to agree to his plan. Was especially surprised the initial line of thought came from Clay. But he thought Clay's beef with Hale was a little personal. He understood that power and reputation were Hale's Achilles heel as it were. Clay didn't just want to remove Hale from power, he wanted to hurt him. And take him apart piece by piece.

"Wanna go talk to the Doc?"

"You know," Bobby shifted forward in his seat a bit. "I should go talk to her, seeing as how she's pissed at the lot of you."

Jax pressed a hand to Bobby's shoulder to shove him back into the chair. "I'd really hate to have to shoot you, Bobby."

"So would I," Clay brought his cigar to his lips. "That's my daughter in law you're trying to sneak a peek at. Besides, she couldn't possibly still be in the shower."

"You're only saying that because you don't know how hard it is to wash off honey."

Clay glanced at Tig a moment before he lowered the gavel. "I don't even wanna fucking know."

"Jackson," Aiden called when the chapel doors opened. He was settling into a stool at the bar. "Your mother just pulled up, you want for me to go get Tara for you?"

"One don't got shit to do with the other, bro." Jax wondered if the Irish did in fact have a death wish. He wanted to warn the son of a bitch to stay away from Tara, that if he caught the Irishman sniffing around his old lady he'd make him suffer for it. But there was a small part, that somehow cut through the violence pressing inside him, that said a lesson was needed here.

"You alright?"

Jax took a minute, it took more than a little effort, but he managed an easy grin before looking at Opie. "Yeah, I'm good."

He made his way back to Opie's room, remembering his and Tara's night at CaraCara. There had been something in her eyes that night. Anger when he first stepped into the bathroom. Then a determination and a possessiveness that honestly turned him on. Thought now he understood it a bit better. Couldn't stand the thought that there was some question floating around about his and Tara's relationship. If he knew nothing else, it was that he had to shut that kind of thinking down.

The bathroom door was closed, but he could hear the shower still running. The thought floated through his mind and he started to strip off his clothes to join her when the water turned off. He really didn't know what the fuck the world had against him getting Tara in the shower.

Because he didn't want to scare the shit out of her when she came out to find him standing there, Jax crossed the room to knock on the bathroom door. "Tara." He tried the knob, found it locked, and frowned. "Tara, you okay?"

"Jax? I'm fine. Why?"

"The door's locked. Why's the door locked?"

"Because the outer doors don't have locks on them. Baby, are there any towels out there?"

He glanced around the room, caught sight of the towels laying on the bed and grinned. "Yeah." He could practically hear the sigh and eye roll and his grin only widened.

The door cracked open, her arm peaked out. And held there for several long seconds. "Baby? Towel."

Casually Jax picked the towel up from the bed, shook it out to it's full length before holding it in front of himself. "Got it right, baby."

"Really, Jax." This time she gave a more audible sigh, but the door was pulled open fully.

Now it was Jax's turn to sigh, though his was full of appreciation. Rivulets of water still ran off of her. He watched, with apt attention, as one dripped from the ends of her hair, ran over her collarbone, down her chest to catch on the tip of her breast. "Hold up." Lust made his voice low, rough. He moved quickly, before she could argue or that bead of water got away from him. His mouth was on her breast and his hands were on her hips shoving her back against the wall.

"Jax." His name came out on a groan. Her fingers tangled in his hair, alternately bringing him closer and pulling him away. "Jax, not here. Please."

"Why not?" His hand traveled up from her hip to cup her breast, his mouth making the pleasurable journey from her breast to her mouth.

"Because…"

With a grin, Jax allowed the backs of his fingers to brush against her stomach. Tara gave a soft pleased sigh. His hand traveled a bit further down, brushing lightly over the sensitive skin on her hips. "Because why?" The words were whispered against her mouth seconds before his closed over it.

Completely satisfied with himself, Jax placed one hand besides her head to brace himself, while the other once again moved lightly down her stomach. His tongue ran up her neck to her ear where he caught her earlobe between his teeth, sucking gently and releasing it slowly.

"They…they don't knock, Jax."

"Trust me, they'll knock." Or they wouldn't, he didn't give a shit. Really the only person who'd be dumb enough to walk in was Aiden and all Jax needed was one good reason to knock the fuck out of that guy.

"Baby-"

"Tara." He placed a kiss to that sensitive spot just behind her ear, lips curving in a purely self-satisfied grin when she moaned. "It's okay, babe." He placed a kiss on one corner of her mouth, then the other. Tara's lips parted slightly, but Jax didn't deepen the kiss. Not yet. Simply rubbed his lips against hers as if imprinting his taste there before drawing her bottom lip into his mouth. He nibbled and sucked until she responded. The sound she made was somewhere between a whimper and a moan when his fingers finally slipped between her thighs. Her hips began to move, to urge him on, but Jax kept up his languid pace. Fingers brushing her folds, just the tips dipping inside her before withdrawing. His thumb toying with her clit, never applying the pressure he knew she wanted.

Tara opened her mouth to say something, he was sure it wasn't altogether pleasant, but all that escaped was a moan when he finally slid one finger slowly into her. "Jax."

"That's right, Tara." He spoke with his mouth still pressed to hers. "Ride my finger, babe." Her only response was to whisper his name again and Jax rewarded her by easing another finger into her. "Remember the first time I got you off like this. We were sixteen and you wanted me to teach you how to ride my bike. We were in my garage, I was going to show you what to do before I took you out on the road. I was sitting behind you and so fucking hard I could barely speak. Your ass was brushing back against my dick when you took my hand and brought it to the front of your jeans."

They had both been so turned on, they completely forgot about where they were. Hell, Jax had nearly ripped her jeans in his rush to get them open. His fingers had been rough, unsure, clumsy. Tara wasn't the first girl he'd been with, but she'd been the only one that mattered. He had actually convinced himself that if he couldn't get her off, she wouldn't want shit else to do with him. But she took hold of his wrist, her voice had been soft and full of nerves when she told him just what she liked.

"I wanted to fuck you right then, Tara. Right there on the back of my bike in my mom's garage."

"I know." Her voice was still soft, but there were no nerves now, only the pleasure she felt. "That's why I eventually let you."

His mouth closed over hers, fingers pressing more firmly. Deliberately he brushed her g-spot but never fully applied pressure. Tara's back had arched off the wall, thighs tightening around his hand, and her hips working in tandem with his fingers. "Feel good, Tara?"

Tara moaned her answer, but wanting-_needing_-the words, Jax pressed her again. "Tell me it feels good, Tara."

"Yes," The word were practically a sob. "So good, Jax."

He considered his words carefully, wasn't sure just how she would respond. But she bought the panties, wore them for him. Was it really so different. "Your pussy," At his use of the word, her walls tightened, and she flooded his fingers. "Is it mine, Tara?"

Tara's eyes flew open. But she looked at him with unseeing eyes. She was too far gone, too desperate to cum. Jax knew if he pressed he could get her to answer in the positive. When she was like this there was very little he couldn't get her to agree to. But he wanted her clear when she answered, wanted her to know just what it was she was saying.

"Jax-"

But he cut the words off with a kiss, swallowing whatever it was she was going to say, and using his fingers to drive her to climax.

By the time Tara had gathered any energy, Jax had already moved to her to the bed and had fallen back into a chair. Fingers moving up to his lips to draw her taste into his mouth.

"What would you say if I took a picture of you like this with my phone?" She was still laid out on the bed, skin flushed red and slick with sweat.

"I wouldn't say anything. But unless you want that phone somewhere unpleasant, I'd advise against it."

Jax grinned, but wondered just how long it would take to convince her to let him tape them together one day. She liked to watch, figured it wouldn't be too hard. Maybe. "You're not pissed."

"Pretty hard to be after that." She clasped her hands together before drawing them over her head and giving a full body stretch. Jax's hand went immediately to his jeans to grip hard at his cock. She sat up smoothly, shaking her hair out. "I should probably show a little gratitude."

"Yes you should."

"First," Tara crawled to the foot of the bed, then into his lap. "Wanna tell me what that whole 'whose pussy is this' thing was about?"

"I don't think the words 'whose pussy is this' ever left my mouth." There was something about having her completely naked on his lap, while he was fully dressed, that had him ready to completely erupt.

"Close enough." The words were whispered against his neck. Her kisses were feather light, her tongue a teasing caress. She worked the buttons of his shirt loose, but made no move to push it off his shoulders. "Tell me."

"I just…" He caught her face in his hands, tilted her head back, and fought the urge to grip tightly. "The Irish…" How could he tell her he thought the fucker was far to preoccupied with her after everything she went through with Kohn? How could he tell her that he wanted her to keep her distance from one of the brothers he entrusted her safety to while he'd been locked away? How could he say any on this without sounding like a jealous, possessive, ass?

"Aiden?" She frowned.

He could see her mind racing, like she was trying to remember what the guy could have done that caused this reaction in him. And Jax was getting the sneaky suspicion that Aiden hardly factored into Tara's life at all. Thought maybe this is what worried Opie. If Tara's inattention towards him was what made Aiden crave it all the more.

"What about him?"

The smile Jax tried to give her was a bit frayed at the edges. "I just don't think the two kids," His hand ran down her back, over her tattoo, to cup her ass. "The tat, or the house is getting through his head."

"So what," Her hands went to work on his jeans, mouth pressing against his ear. "You think coming back here and making me scream will?" One hand slid inside his boxers, gripping and stroking his cock in a way she knew made him crazy. "You want me to shout for all the club to hear how my pussy belongs to you."

Jax thought if she kept it up, he'd be the one screaming. Her breath was blowing hot against the sensitive shell of his ear, her breasts brushing teasingly against his chest, and her fist pumping him in painfully slow strokes. "Does it?" The words were barely choked out. Jax wasn't at all sure how he lost control of this situation, but one second he was hissing as the cool air hit his cock the next he was groaning as her heat engulfed him. "Fuck….me."

Tara leaned back, opened her mouth to make what Jax knew would be some type of smartass quip. But he gripped her hips tightly, restricting her movement, then drove himself hard and deep inside her so that the only sound that slipped past her swollen lips was a sort of high pitched moan/scream hybrid.

His movements were slow, methodical. He'd draw back while lifting her hips until only the tip of his cock remained inside of her. Then his hips would surge forward while he pulled her down, hitting a place buried so deep inside her sound could barely escape her throat at all. And suddenly it didn't matter to Jax if Aiden heard them. But then, when he was inside Tara, she was all that mattered to Jax.


	13. Chapter 13

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: So, I added a few extras for this story in my profile. Not even extras really, more like visual aides. Pictures of the boys, Tara's car, and the house. Though the link for the house my not be working, I'm still trying to fix it. But the others are, so if you're interested take a look.**

**Chapter 13**

"I-"

"What?"

It was hours later and Tara and Jax were sitting in the family room. The boys, baths already done and clad in their pajamas, were stretched out between them. Much to Jax's utter dismay they had to sit through two hours of something called _Sprout_ to get them both down. Up until that point they both seemed decidedly against not only going to sleep but settling down altogether. Tara thought it had something to do with being away from them for a few days as well as the excitement of being at the clubhouse.

Whether that was true or not, Jax didn't know. But they tried reading to them, rocking them, hell even walking them and nothing worked. In fact the boys actually seemed to be gearing up as the night wore on. Sitting through a show where a lion read a book seemed like a small price to pay to get them both down for the night. So now, with remote in hand, he was idly flipping through the channels.

Tara was tucked into one corner of the couch, arm resting against the back of the couch, and her head propped up on her hand. Her eyes seemed to be drifting close. But Jax didn't see that wicked exhaustion that had been shadowing her eyes since he'd been out. Instead she just seemed pleasantly tired.

"What were you going to say?" He pressed when it looked like she wasn't going to respond.

"Just that I still don't see why Clay couldn't wait a few days. Next town hall meeting isn't even scheduled yet."

"You know Clay." Because he couldn't find anything on the television, Jax clicked it off and set the remote aside. "When it comes to certain things, he's like a dog with a fucking bone."

"I guess."

"You're not…look, if you don't want to get in the middle of this, you don't have to." Actually he'd prefer it. Really he wished that his brothers could keep her out of club business all together. Calling her in for a patch up every now and again was one thing, but everything else…he didn't want her involved.

"It's not that. I mean, all Clay's asking me to do is go to a meeting and speak out against a waterpark. I'm actually surprised he's going that low key."

"Makes two of us."

Tara's lips curled in a hint of a smile. "The thought of having to go to a town hall meeting isn't at all appealing, but-"

"It's not the worse thing we've asked you to do. Or even the most dangerous." Leaning forward on the couch, Jax fought the wave of nausea that suddenly hit him. Thought of everything that could have gone wrong when they asked her to put Jimmy in the trunk of her car. Thought of the pain that clenched at his heart when he strapped that vest on her, a pain that hadn't eased until he walked into their home a few weeks ago to find her and their boys.

"Yeah." She was quiet for a long moment. "Jax, if you don't want me to do this, I won't."

This was his club and really all Clay was doing was fighting to ease Hale's noose around the clubs neck. And he was doing it in a way Jax himself would have thought to. It made sense to have Tara go to that meeting. Everyone knew her, she'd grown up with and among them. She was the hometown girl who'd done good. If she spoke, they would listen. All she had to do was go to a meeting.

But Jax knew it wouldn't just end there. Because Tara was smart, because she was clever, and she could keep her mouth closed when it mattered, Clay would want to use her again. He wouldn't be able to help himself. Jax didn't like how when they needed someone, another "body" as Clay would say, it was always Tara they called. Like she was fucking Unser, there to do the club's bidding. Was it his fault? Had his bringing her to the clubhouse to patch up Cameron given everyone the green light to call on her?

Old ladies did their part, they helped the club when it was needed, but it just seemed to him that more was asked of his old lady than any other. They didn't ask Tara to prepare food, didn't ask her to find pussy to please potential buyers. They asked her to remove bullets, push prescription drugs, and hide guys wanted by the feds in the trunk of her car. And she did it all with a cool head.

No way Clay, or even his mother, would be able to help themselves when it came to asking Tara for help. "You already said yes."

"You have to give me something here, baby. What about the next time he asks?"

"You'd tell him no?"

"I would."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not Lyla." Her voice went up a bit, Abel stirred, causing her to lower it again. "Or Gemma. I love them both, I do. But I don't…feel…like I have to contribute to the club to matter to you. And…I…I don't, want or need, to control every aspect of your life. I know that one day you're going to be at the head of that table. I understand that…that more is going to be expected of me. If there's something I can do, to help you, to help the family, I will. But not to the detriment of this." Her hand gestured back and forth between them. "You want to tell Clay not to…involve me, I'm not going to get upset or push my way in. I'm _your_ Old Lady, Jax. Just yours. And there's no point of me helping the club if it's hurting what we have. But you have to tell me what you want. Just tell me."

What she could do, what only she had the power to do, was humble him. "When Abel was missing you-"

"That was different." Tara cut him off sharply. "That was our son, Jax."

"Yeah." Reaching out he brushed Abel's hair off his brow.

"We should get them to bed." Lifting Ben from the couch, she settled him on her shoulder and started towards the nursery without waiting for Jax.

For his part, Jax lifted Abel who began to stir. "It's okay little man. Your dad's got you." Just as he got to the nursery, Tara was walking out. "Shit that was fast."

"You know, Ben. When he's down, he's down." She brushed Abel's hair back off his brow before pressing a kiss there. When she looked back up at him there was a teasing smile on her lips. "So, I'm not going to invite you because planning never works for us but, just so you know, I'll be in the shower."

Jax watched her turn to head towards the bedroom. "Kid, I swear if you stay sleep I'll buy you a Harley, a puppy, and all the ice cream you can eat. If you're lucky I'll even throw in another little brother."

"Best fucking shower ever." Shaking out one of the large towels, Jax threw it around Tara's back to pull her closer.

"Of course you'd think so." Her hands slid over his back, dipping momentarily to brush his ass before trailing up to his shoulders. "Getting to collect on your bet and all."

"Collecting on that bet sure as shit didn't hurt." He started out of the bathroom, because her arms were still around him, he practically dragged her along with him. When the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed she lost her balance and he gave her a shove to help her along.

"You're an ass."

"And you love it, baby." Lowering to the bed, he stretched out on top of her. One hand coming up to gently brush the wet strands of hair back off her face. "The day we got you back from Salazar, when we found his old lady and that woman on the side of the road," When he thought he'd never see her again. When all he saw was that woman's hair and everything inside him went cold when he thought it was her. "I could go the rest of my life without feeling that way again." He trailed his fingers down the side of her face, along her neck, over her shoulder and lower still until he had her hand wrapped in his. "I don't ever want to walk into a room and see you duct taped to a chair. I don't want you getting between the club and the feds. I don't want to go to bed at night afraid that I'm gonna get a call about you being hauled off to jail because of some crazy ass stunt my mom pulled. I don't ever wanna see you chained while some fucking animal holds a knife to your throat." Because he could even still feel that rage, that hatred, he had for Salazar pumping through his veins, he lowered his brow to hers. Lips lightly brushing hers with every word he spoke. "I hated strapping that vest on you , I don't ever wanna have to do that again. Tara-"

"Shh," Her hands were gentle as they moved soothingly over his back. "It's okay, baby. I'm right here."

"I'm gonna talk to Clay. You're my Old Lady, it's my job to protect you. Even from my own club. This meeting, I don't really give a shit about. I just don't want anyone to think they can ask you for something more. I don't want you involved with anything like with Jimmy or those drugs again." Jax drew back a bit more, eyes locking with her. "And if he doesn't like it, he can just go fuck himself."

"Hey, Ma."

Gemma looked up from the paper she'd just pulled from the printer. "Hi, sweetie. Where's Tara and the boys?"

"Tara and Lyla had a dress fitting today," He lowered himself onto the chair next to her desk. "She took the boys with her."

"Have you seen the dress?" Gemma returned to her own chair, leaning back to smile at her son.

"Naw." Jax shook his head before his lips curled in a grin of pure male appreciation. "Heard it's hot, though."

"It is." She returned his smile. "I wonder how smug you're going to be when you realize you're not the only one looking at her."

Now the smile did falter a bit. "What's it look like? The dress."

"It's short, tight, and hot." Gemma leaned forward. "Very, very hot."

He could see it, though he'd never had a problem seeing Tara in as little clothes as possible. It was a talent he was actually quite proud of. But because he could see it, he could see how other men would react to her as well. "Some asshole wants to step to her, I have no problem showing him just how bad an idea that is. But I'm not worried about Tara." Gemma flinched, tried to cover it up, but Jax saw it. "What?"

Gemma shook her heard, reached for her cigarettes. "Nothing."

"Ma, out with it."

"It's nothing." She tapped the cigarette to the table. "Just, Tara said something very similar about you and Ima once."

Jax ran his hand over his beard, giving the hair on his chin a tug, before reaching for the cigarette his mother was still toying with.

"But that's all behind you now. And why I'm glad you stopped by. I wanna throw a party for Tara."

"A party?" His brow drew together in a frown. It wasn't her birthday, he was sure of that. She hadn't been to work in nearly a week so he didn't think anything special was happening there. "Yeah, alright. Why?"

"Well, it's more a family thing. I figure the adoption should be going through soon and I want to have a little party celebrating you all becoming a family." She reached out to punch his shoulder. "Since the two of you aren't planning on getting married any time soon."

"Marriage." Jax took a deep drag from his cigarette, blew out smoke. "It hasn't even come up." And maybe he found that a bit odd. Tara had told him before she wanted their relationship to eventually head that way. But unless they were talking about Opie and Lyla, the word marriage hadn't even slipped pass her lips. Not that he was worried, really it only bothered him when he thought about it. "And how'd you know she wanted to adopt Abel?"

"She told me, practically had to beat it out of her. But I knew something was weighing on her, way she was acting toward me. I don't know why she thought her wanting to adopt Abel would upset me. Truth is I think it's long over due."

"Well, Tara and I talked about it. And she's already his mom-"

"Of course she's his mom, it's why she wants to adopt him." Her eyes narrowed on his face. "Jackson, tell me Tara's adopting Abel."

"I don't want Wendy to feel like we're cutting her out of his life."

"Who gives a shit about Wendy?"

"I do. Yeah, she fucked up. But she's still Abel's mother, she has a right to know her son."

"Un-fucking-believable." Gemma dropped back in her chair, the disbelief she expressed written plainly on her face. "That junkie whore you married has _no_ rights to Abel. She nearly fucking killed him. And we haven't seen her hide nor track mark of that bitch since two days after Donna's funeral. Tara was the one up with him worried about his sleep apnea, the one changing his formula, and putting him to bed. His first steps were towards Tara. When he said his first word, momma, he said it to Tara. You want to toss that away because Wendy might come back."

It was odd, but this was the reaction he'd been expecting from Tara. He'd been prepared to suffer her anger, her rage, maybe even her hate. But the cold freeze… that was somehow worse. "This is none of your business. Tara and I talked about this, she understands."

"Don't be fucking stupid, Tara's pissed. No wonder things are fucked up between you."

Jax felt his anger rise, did all he could not to unleash it on his mother. "Things between Tara and I are fine."

"No," Gemma shook her head, the anger in her voice giving way to something else. "They're not. You took that boy out of her arms and placed him in Wendy's. Did you tell her, did actually say to Tara, that she couldn't adopt him because you didn't want to upset Wendy." Jax didn't answer and Gemma seemed to read the answer on his face. "Jesus Christ, Jax. Are you even aware that a week before you went inside you did everything in your power to hurt Tara. Told her she was not your family. She has to shoulder that, Jackson, everyday. Now you tell her that Wendy's feelings, Wendy's needs are more important than hers."

"That's not what I said." Jax jumped to his feet, sent the chair careening into the wall behind him. "She was afraid someone would take Abel from her, that we would lose him again. I told her she didn't have to worry about that. That I wouldn't let Wendy or anyone else take our kid from us again."

"She wasn't talking about Wendy or anyone else taking Abel from her, Jax. She was talking about you."

Jax could hear his mother calling out to him as he marched across the lot towards the clubhouse. He didn't want to hear another fucking word she had to say and decided it was best all around to just ignore her. His brothers were all in the main area, most sitting at the bar, all turned towards Kozik and laughing.

"This is fucked up. My socks, my underwear, all of it. Who the fuck even let her in?"

Hesitantly Juice's hand inched into the air and Kozik shot him a disbelieving look. "Come on, man, it was Tara. She said she needed to get something out of your room."

"And you didn't think that was strange?"

Juice shrugged. "No."

"I gotta say," Tig began, face reflecting the pleasure he was getting from this. "Dying all your shit pink is one thing, funny but it's amateur shit. Soaking it all in syrup and vinegar, that's just fucking beautiful."

"Hey Jax," Bobby called out with a large grin on his face. "Come listen you this shit your old lady did."

"Not now." Jax snapped out. He pointed towards Kozik. "I need to talk to you. Alone." But he didn't stop moving, just continued on into the chapel.

"What's up?" Kozik asked as he stepped into the chapel, making sure to close the door at his back.

"The other night you came to my house, you told Tara she needed to tell me something. What?"

Kozik hesitated. "You should talk to Tara about this."

"I'm talking to you."

"Jax-"

"Don't fuck around with me!" Jax shouted, all the anger and frustration caused by his conversation with his mother bubbling out of him. "I am sick and fucking tired of everyone blocking me out of Tara's life. She's mine, god damn it. I have a right to know."

"Yeah, you do. And I told Tara to tell you."

"You also told her to tell me she was sick. And she had to fucking collapse before I found out shit. She told you she wanted to adopt Abel."

Kozik nodded. "Yeah."

"Did she tell you we decided it wasn't necessary."

"She told me _you_ didn't think it was necessary."

Jax gripped the back of Clay's chair, tried to contain his anger, but still found himself lifting it a few inches off the floor and slamming it back down. "Why is she even talking to you about this?"

"Because I'm her friend. Do you know what it took for her to talk to you about adopting Abel? Especially after what happened the last time she tried to claim him."

This time Jax took the chair and shoved it into the table. How many fucking people did she tell about that? And hadn't he explained that, told her how he hadn't meant it, and how much he regretted it. "When she said she didn't want anyone to take Abel from her again, who did she mean?"

Kozik rubbed his hands roughly over his face. "I'm not the person you should be having this conversation with."

"Did you tell Tara that? When _my_ old lady came to you, pouring her heart out to you, did you tell her she shouldn't be having that conversation with you."

"I did, but you know Tara. She spins shit around in her head until it makes her fucking crazy. She had to talk to somebody."

"Who did she mean?"

"Tara's-"

"For fucks sake just tell me!"

"She wanted to adopt Abel, because she was afraid that if things went bad between you, you could take Abel away from her and there wouldn't be anything she could do about it."

"I wouldn't do that. I don't understand where the fuck her head is."

"Probably still in Gemma's dads basement, where you told her she wasn't your family. Fuck man, you broke her heart."

The words seemed to knock the fight right out of him and he dropped into the chair he battered only moments ago. Why couldn't things, just for fucking once, go smoothly.


	14. Chapter 14

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**Chapter 14**

Jax had lost track of time. He didn't know when Kozik left. Didn't have the slightest idea of just how long he sat alone in the chapel. Didn't even know when Opie came in. The night Tara asked to adopt Abel kept playing through his mind. She told him that no one had ever loved her the way their boys had. That before Abel, she'd never loved anyone that way.

Looking back he realized, _he'd_ been the one to bring up Wendy taking Abel. All Tara had asked was for his son to be hers. Now he knew it was because she didn't trust him. Because she was afraid he'd cut out on her again, taking Abel with him. What was that she said: _Nothing worse than having your child ripped from you._ Had he done that? Ripped Abel out of her arms.

"You knew, didn't you?" Jax's voice was low as he addressed his best friend.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I shouldn't have had to. She's loves your boy, he's fucking crazy about her. She ask to adopt the kid, what's there to think about."

He went to his default answer. "Wendy."

"No offense brother, because I respect that fact that she's Abel's mother, but I don't give a shit about Wendy."

They fell into silence again. Jax knew just how much Tara and Abel loved each other. They kind of…lit up whenever they were together. And somehow, while he'd been away, they became a team.

"Can I ask you something?"

Jax nodded.

"You really think, Tara adopts Abel, she'd keep Wendy from seeing him?"

No, the answer flashed quickly through his mind. And he felt like shit for bringing up Wendy's rights towards Abel when he should have known Tara had no intention of stopping Wendy from seeing Abel. That just wasn't who she was. She loved Abel and would want what was best for him. If Wendy came back, with her shit together, Tara would not block her from Abel.

Hell, even more than that, Tara had to know that the odds of Wendy coming back now were fucking nil. Wendy never wanted the kid, she wanted Jax. And he told Tara as much when they first started living together. He could remember her disbelief. Having lost her mother so young, the only frame of reference Tara had was Gemma. And everyone knew nothing short of an act of God could tear Gemma away from her kids. So, perhaps foolishly, she believed the same was true of Wendy.

He realized now that fear she had of being a mother, of being Abel's mother, stemmed from that fear of abandonment she had. The issue she had with trusting people to stay. She was afraid to be Abel's mother, to admit that she considered him her own, for fear of Wendy coming back and taking him. But, in the end, it hadn't been Wendy who took him away.

"No. She wouldn't do that."

"Then what's the problem."

Leaning forward Jax scrubbed his hands roughly over his face.

There were parts of himself, secret insecurities and vulnerabilities, that he hid from Opie and Tara. Hell, he buried them so far deep they were hidden even from himself. But still, every now and again, they'd creep up on him. Moments. Small, fleeting, moment when he would be convinced he lost Tara. Like when he'd come home and Tara's car wouldn't be there and his heart would start pounding in fear and panic before he reminded himself she was just at work. Or when she'd be taking care of the boys, her movements quick and sure, without any help from him and he'd wonder if she even needed him for anything at all. But then she'd call out to him, tell him to get off his ass and help her.

"I just find it kind of fucked up that she'd bring up adopting Abel but she hasn't said shit about marriage." If she adopted Abel, what was to keep her from leaving him. To keep her from realizing she was better off without him. She said she needed something more, what if she realized she just wanted something else.

"Are you jealous of your own kid?"

"What?" The thought had never even occurred to him. "No. Where'd you get some shit like that from?"

Opie shrugged. "Just trying to figure out what the problem is. You know Tara wouldn't keep Abel from Wendy. You're not jealous of the kid. What's the problem?"

Jax kept his jaw clenched shut. He couldn't say it. Couldn't admit how weak she made him. "Let it go, Ope."

"Whatever. But you need to figure your shit out." Opie's fingers drilled loudly on the table, the only sound in the room for several long moments.

"Hey, Jackie-boy, our Dear Heart is here and asking for ya."

"You gonna talk to her about this?" Opie asked.

Rising to his feet slowly, Jax shook his head. "I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do about this."

"Listen, I know you feel like we've been keeping shit about Tara from you. And this might be the last thing you need, but you need to know. Mainly because it looks like you and Tara are about to hit a bump and I think the fucker might take that as an opportunity to swoop in."

Jax frowned, confusion clear in his eyes when he looked at Opie. "What's going on?"

"The night we fucked Aiden up, he was getting blown by this croweater at the bar, chick was pale, had long dark hair."

Jax thought he knew where this was going. And his anger didn't rise, but shot immediately into the danger zone. "Yeah."

Opie's jaw clenched. "He called her Tara."

They made their way out to the lot, a very full lot. Kenny, Ellie, and Piper were in the midst of demolishing the swing set. Clay had Ben on the back of his bike, while Gemma paced nervously with Abel. And Tara was with Aiden, holding his shirt up so her fingers could move up and down his bare skin.

"What. The. Fuck." If, in his current mindset, there was something he abso-fucking-lutely did not need to deal with, it was this shit. "Tara!" Jax's tone was harsh, causing everyone to turn to look at him with concern.

Everyone except Tara who merely glanced over, before turning her attention back to Aiden. "Yeah? Hold on."

Was she fucking serious? Opie must have recognized the look on his face because he tried to stop his forward movement, but Jax just shook him off. "Tara!"

"One second." She straightened up, tugged Aiden's shirt down. "Well, they're not broken or dislocated. There might be some bruising. Just take it easy for a few days, it'll work itself out."

"Thanks, Tara luv, I really-"

"No, problem." Tara gave him an absent smile as she walked to meet Jax half-way across the lot. "Hey,"

"What was that?" Jax cut her off, staring daggers over her shoulder at Aiden.

"That was me being a doctor." Tara took a step away from him. "What do you think that was?"

"I'm sorry to keep your woman, Jackson." Aiden's hand was rubbing his side. "I was having a bit of pain and needed her tender mercies."

"You come near my Old Lady again, I'll rip your fucking head off."

"Jax." Tara gave him a shove, trying to draw his attention to her. "What's wrong with you?"

Gemma handed Abel to Lyla. "You and Kerrianne, get the kids, take them home." She ordered, snapping her fingers at Opie and Lyla's kids to get them moving.

Both women moved, casting worried questioning glances at Opie and Chibs, but they did as Gemma asked.

"He's not to come near you, do you understand." Jax hands came up to frame Tara's face, but he was too angry, dancing too closely on the brink of rage that he couldn't touch her. So he focused on Aiden again. "You don't get to talk to her, you don't get to touch her. I don't want you to fucking think about her."

"Jax," Tara cupped his chin, tried to draw his eyes to hers, but Jax jerked away. "Would you look at me? Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. I don't want you near him, it's done."

"No," Tara finally snapped. "It's not done, you don't order me around, Jax. Tell me what's going on."

"Why should I? You haven't told me shit that has been going on with you since I've got out." He started to walk away, but turned back. "And I did tell you, I told you what my problem was with this guy. Still I come out here to find you with your hands all over him."

"Are you serious right now?" Tara demanded. "He thought he'd broken a rib, I was checking him out. _Clay_ asked me to check him out."

"Since when do you do every fucking thing Clay asks you to do?"

"Don't give me that. You have no reason not to trust me. I'm not the one who fucks indiscriminately, remember."

For a moment it was like the world itself stopped. And when it started again, so slowly it seemed to still not be moving at all, things only got worse. Gemma stepped forward again, tried to pull Tara aside, tried to calm her down even as Opie began to pull at Jax's arm. Even Clay started forward to intervene. Then Aiden spoke. And Jax's world spun right off it's axis.

"Oh, so you know about Trinity, then?"

Tara's eyes went to Gemma first, who dropped her hands from Tara's shoulders and took one step in retreat. Clay brought a hand up to cover his face and stepped back as well. "Trinity? Your sister?"

"Sister?" Aiden shot a wide pleased grin at Jax from over Tara's shoulder. Jax wanted to kill him. Wanted to rub his face across the lot until what was left of that grin was smeared across the fucking cement. "No wonder Trini got shit faced. Fucking your brother…don't think there's enough booze in the world to wash that one away."

Tara's eyes stayed on Jax even as she addressed Aiden. "What are you talking about? Who told you about this?"

"Trini did. She gave me a call after the boys left Ireland, told me she had some shit she needed to drink away. After a few pints it all came spilling out of her. How she and Jax hit it right off. The flirting and whatnot. Till one night that flirting finally lead to the back room at her mother's store."

He was dying, the only way Jax could describe the way he felt was dying. Tara's eyes were filled with a disgust and anger so real, he thought he could choke on it. "I-I didn't…Tara-"

"No, you did."

"Sweetie, he didn't." Gemma spoke calmly, though there was a storm brewing in her eyes. "I promise, he didn't."

"How do you know?" Tara turned on Gemma, eyes narrowing. Even from where he stood, Jax could see the wheels turning in her head. Could practically see the lines she drew to connect the dots. "Because you stopped them by telling them they were brother and sister before it could get too far."

Gemma's eyes lowered and Jax wondered just where the fuck his fierce lioness of a mother went. Where was the woman who vowed to look out for him, to protect him until the day they put her in the ground. Why wasn't she speaking up for him?

Moving quickly, Jax tried to close the distance between himself and Tara. Tried to take her in his arms, hold her close while he explained himself. But she jerked back, putting twice as much distance between them as what was there before.

"No! You stay the hell away from me. Our son was missing! You didn't know where he was or if you were ever going to get him back. I was tied to a fucking post, a gun held to my head, being slapped and kicked. Scared to lose my baby, scared that I'd never see you or Abel ever again. And what were you doing Jax?"

"I was missing you. You and Abel. I was-"

"Fucking! You were fucking your sister." Her eyes were dry. It always worried him more when her eyes were dry. The wall was being built up around her again, going up brick by brick. "So, don't you dare say you were missing me. Doesn't even matter if you were. I'm not doing this anymore, I can't."

"Tara, baby. Don't do this." If she left him, he wasn't sure just what he would do. Knew only that there was nothing, absolutely nothing, good that could come from them being apart.

"I didn't do this, Jax. You did." Her hands came up only to drop restlessly to her side again. "And I'm done. I'm just…done."

"Jax," Gemma rushed to his side. "Don't you let her walk out of here. You let her leave, you'll regret it."

But Jax was already rushing after her, grabbing her around the waist before she could reach her car and bodily dragging her into the Teller-Morrow office. She wasn't going to leave him. He'd tie her to their bed before he allowed her to walk out on him. She struggled, cursed and kicked but Jax held tight. Said nothing as he dropped her to her feet and moved quickly to shut and lock both doors.

"Tara, please, don't do this."

"Fuck you."

"You wanna be mad, I don't give a shit. Be mad, scream, kick call me all the names you like. But I'm not letting you out of here. And I'm sure as fuck not letting you walk away from me, from our family."

Her eyes narrowed, something almost like hatred shining through. "I'd never walk away from our boys."

"And me?" He took a step toward her, she took two in retreat.

"I can't…you _hurt_ me. And I just can't stand to be hurt by you anymore. I can't do it, can't take it. Don't you understand?"

"I understand because you're fucking killing me." Jax took another step, the backs of her thighs hit the desk, and she quickly skirted around it. "From the day I went in and every day since I got out, I've been scared shitless that I would come home one day and you'd be gone. I was so scared that you'd leave me, I wouldn't even let you adopt Abel because I thought if you had him you wouldn't need me anymore."

"No, no, no." Tara's hands came down on his shoulders roughly, trying to shove him away and though he stumbled back a step he gave her no room to maneuver around him. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to hurt me, then make some grand speech to sweep it under the rug. Ima, I rationalized, I forgave, I try to forget. But Trinity?"

"I wasn't….I wasn't in a good place." And really it was all he had. "Ireland was fucking bad-"

"Charming was fucking bad, Jax. I was alone here. Kozik and Tig and Piney tried, but I had no one. I was pregnant and alone and afraid I'd never see Abel again. Afraid that even when you got him back you wouldn't let me near him again."

"I didn't blame you."

"But you forgot me."

And she stopped shoving him away, stopped fighting, stopped moving away. She closed off on him. "I never forgot about you."

"No? When were you thinking about me Jax? Were you thinking about me when you were scoping out which pretty little Irish girl you were going to fuck? Were you thinking about me when you laid eyes on Trinity and gave her the Jax Teller once over. Oh, I know, maybe you were thinking about me when you had your hand up your sister's skirt. Was I on your mind then? Because silly me, I thought you were over there trying to get Abel back. Not adding another notch to your fucking belt."

"God damn it!" Frustrated, afraid, and angrier than he felt in a long time, Jax's foot connected with his mother's desk and sent sliding. "I'm sorry, alright. I'm fucking sorry. I was alone, I was all fucked up. I'd lost my son, I'd lost you, and it was all my fault. Because of what I am, Abel was taken. And I didn't know where or how or even if he still was. And I was over there and scared and missing my son and needing you. I just wanted to forget. I wanted, just for a little while, for it to stop hurting so fucking much. So yes, I was thinking about you while my hand was up my sister's skirt. I'm always thinking about you and sometimes thinking about you hurts. And I just didn't want to hurt anymore."

Framing her face in his hands, he tilted her head back so he could see her eyes. She heard him, he could see the way the words got through. Relief wanted to rush through him, but he knew they weren't out of the woods yet. "Tara, say something."

"Let me go." Jax immediately began to shake his head, but Tara's hands came up to rest on his wrist, pulling his hands away from her face. "I need to think about this. And I need you to let me go so I can."

Jax knew what she said made sense. But the last time they had a fight this big and she asked him to let her go to think she stayed gone for ten years. And suddenly he was nineteen again, standing on her front porch, heartbreaking as her father told him she'd gone. Anger spiked through him, as fresh and real as it had when he went into her room to find it empty of all her things.

Afraid he might put his fist through the wall above her head, he stepped away from her. "It was more than fourteen months ago. Why can't you just let it go?" The words were just barely out of his mouth, but already he knew it was exactly the wrong thing to say. Her mouth dropped open in shock, the look on her face completely incredulous. But then it was gone, suddenly replaced by a look he'd never seen before. And it chilled him to the bone.

"You're right, I don't have the right to be angry over something that happened fourteen months ago. Just like _you_ don't have the right to be angry over something _I_ did fourteen months ago."

He should leave, tell her he didn't mean anything he just said then walk away to give her the time she asked for. But he didn't. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about being in a bad place myself. Being alone and fucked up and looking for some way to forget just how much I was hurting. At least for a little while."

There was a small part of his brain that whispered the truth, that told him she was lying. That she was just trying to prove a point and he should walk away. But the sound of the blood rushing through his head drowned that small voice right out.

"If it wasn't for that…I never would have let Aiden touch me. But it was months ago, let's just move pass it."

"What are you saying?" The words came out slow and painful between clenched teeth.

"What do you think I'm saying? I fucked Aiden. I was in a bad place." The words were flat, emotionless. "I'm sorry."

He shoved her back against the wall, knew the hands on her shoulders left bruises. "Careful, babe. Think long and hard about what you're saying or else someone's going to end up dead."

"Why? It happened months ago, move on. It couldn't possibly bother you just thinking about it. It couldn't turn your stomach to think of another man kissing me, touching me."

Jax tried to block the words out. Tried to stop the images her words created. It was a lie, he knew it was lie. But still the words cut deep enough to draw blood. "Shut up."

"Am I upsetting the Prince? Would it make you feel better if I said I was thinking about you? That even though it was another man's hips my legs were locked around, another's man's back my fingers were digging into, I was thinking about you. Didn't matter that it was another man inside-"

"Alright fine! I get it." She proved her point. And even if he knew she was lying, even if he knew none of what she said was true, it ripped him apart. Made him sick to his stomach to think about another man's hands on her. Of someone else's fingers running over her crow, of some other man knowing the taste and feel of her. He'd go crazy if it was true. Somewhere deep inside he knew that if he ever found out she was with another man he'd go on a spree so bloody and violent it would make Happy and Tig proud. "There's nothing I can do to make this right." It wasn't a question.

"No, there's not." Tara agreed.

"But Tara, Tara look at me." Framing her face in his hands, he forced her eyes to his. "I promise, all that shit is behind me. Us. Every word I wrote in that letter was the utter truth. You are all I want Tara. All I ever wanted."

"You have a really horrible way of showing it."

"Yeah." He rested his brow against hers, a sigh of relief rushing through him when she didn't shove him away. "I'm not running anymore Tara. I'm here, right here with you and our boys. I promise."

Her tears came now and Jax did his best to wipe them away as they fell. "I'm sorry. I can't. It's just not that easy, I'm sorry."

"Nothing happened. I didn't have sex with her."

"But not for lack of trying. If she was someone else, if Gemma didn't stop you, if she weren't your sister. What then?"

He didn't have an answer for her. "Tara. I'm sorry." Burying his face in her hair, Jax arms tightened around her. And he held his breathe for several long moments until finally, her arms wrapped around him as well. But only for a second, she struggled, and eventually broke his hold on her.

"I have to think about this." Was all she said before she shoved him away.


	15. Chapter 15

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**Chapter**** 15**

He was going to kill the Irish. It was as simple as that. He was going to use his fist, beat the ever living shit out of him, and then ventilate the fucker. Throwing Trinity in Tara's face, in some punk ass attempt to steal her away was bad enough. But he hurt her, didn't matter whatever the fuck else he was trying to do, he hurt Tara.

Coming out of the office, Jax nearly ripped the door of it's hinges. His eyes scanned the lot. "Where the fuck is he?"

"Jax." Clay stepped forward, hands on Jax's chest to keep him in place. "Listen, you forget about him."

"Naw," Tig objected. "Fuck that. This is a brotherhood and that Irish prick just pissed all over that. You shouldn't have sent him away."

"You what?" Jax shoved Clay away from him.

"I don't want you to worry about him right now."

"Clay's right, Jax." Gemma stood besides her husband. "You have to find a way to make this right with Tara."

Like he fucking needed her to tell him that. Of course he had to make this right with Tara. Didn't mean he couldn't deal with Aiden. There was no doubt in Jax's mind the son of a bitch had been after Tara since he set foot in Charming. He needed to be dealt with. "I'm not worrying about him. I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"You shouldn't have sent him out of here, Clay." Bobby began. "Fucking with family the way he did. That shit was not cool."

"That's right." Tig was quick to agree. "First he disrespects Tara with that blow job, then bringing that porn bitch to a family picnic, and now this shit."

"He's gotta answer for this, Clay." Opie added. "We should have gotten rid of his ass after that shit with the croweater."

"Wait," Clay glanced around at all of them with a frown. "Croweater? Blowjob? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Yeah," Jax's eyes narrowed to a glare that swept over every face in the lot. "Why don't you tell Clay everything that fucker did. He hurt Tara, tried to take her from me. And you sent him outta here. If he knows what's best for him, he better stay long fucking gone."

* * *

Tara left him. Packed her things and the boys and left. After their fight, he stayed at the clubhouse thinking he'd give her a little space, a little time to think things over. His mother told him that was a bad idea, told him he needed to get his ass home and work things out with his Old Lady. But Jax thought he knew Tara better than anyone and that giving her space was for the best.

The next day he returned to an empty house.

She'd gone back to her old man's place. The fact that she kept it really fucking pissed him off. He thought maybe she always knew he'd do this, that it was only a matter of time before he'd fuck up so badly she couldn't forgive him. Why else would she keep a house she didn't even live in? A house that held nothing but bad memories for her.

It was bullshit was what it was. And when he got her back, whether she came willingly or he ended up dragging her back, he was getting rid of that fucking house. Burn it to the fucking ground if he had to. Wanted to see her leave him when she didn't have somewhere to run to.

At first he thought he should just be grateful she was still in Charming, shit California. But when he went home to a quiet house and an empty bed, there wasn't much to be grateful about. He hated being in the house by himself, but he didn't want to stay in the clubhouse. Nothing there smelled like her. His boys had never even been back in that room. He just wasn't that guy anymore, didn't want to be that guy. He wanted his family back.

She came back to the garage that very next day. When he saw the Cutlass, he thought she came back to him. Come to find out she was only there because of the boys. It crushed him, scared him, but what followed was one of the best moments of his life.

She kept Ben perched on her hip even as she set Abel on his feet. She pointed across the lot, drawing Abel's attention to him. Jax watched as Abel's face lit up in a grin.

"Da!" He let out on a high pitched scream, before moving as fast as his little legs could carry him across the lot to Jax. "Da! Da!"

Jax moved quickly to scoop his son up in his arms, hugging him tightly to his chest. It had been what he needed, exactly what he fucking needed after the night he had.

"They woke up this morning looking for you." Tara spoke softly as she passed Ben into his arms as well. "Neeta will pick them up in about an hour." She opened her mouth to say something else, but quickly changed her mind. "I need to go talk to Gemma."

Jax moved to follow her, but Opie stopped him. "Let me go, brother."

That had been a hard one to swallow. Jax had wanted to comment that the last time Opie was around an upset Tara they made out. But he had more sense than that. He just wanted to start a fight. Wanted to drive his fist into something. And Aiden, the fucker who deserved to feel his fists, was nowhere to be found.

The voices in the office became raised, or Tara's voice became raised. Jax couldn't make out what she was saying. But he could see her through the window. She was gesturing wildly, something akin to pain registering on her face. When she collapsed in Opie's arms, something akin to pain tightened in Jax's chest. He started forward just as his mother came out of the office.

"Mom?"

Gemma gave him a sad smile, ran her hand over his face. "She's gonna need some time, baby. Just give her time."

"You should hear the way he talks about you two."

It actually took Jax a moment to connect the angry voice to the usually quiet Lyla. Hell, she barely spoke to him when Opie wasn't around. Now here she was, standing in front of him, trying very hard to appear intimidating. "What?"

"Opie, he talks about you and Tara like…" She began to move her hands as if she could pluck the words she was looking for out of thin air. "Like the two of you being together is God's law. I've heard all about how Tara went away for ten years and he didn't get his best friend back until she came home. Clay and Gemma isn't what he aspires to, it's you and Tara. Last night he came home so sure that you and Tara would work through this."

"We will."

"I'm not…" Her words faltered, but she glanced towards the office and seemed to regain her courage. "I'm not sure you should. She could have had other men." Lyla continued on quickly. "Aiden was making it painfully clear that he wanted her, went out of his way to inform her of the 'prison clause'. But Tara barely paid him any attention."

Didn't matter, Jax thought. Aiden was already living on borrowed time.

"The deputy mayor, Toby Martin. He wasn't really subtle with his interest in her." Lyla continued.

If Toby Martin was looking to get his ass kicked, Jax would be more than happy to oblige.

"She could have had either of them, probably more than a few others. But she stayed faithful. Because she loves you. But she deserves so much better." Her lips curled in disgust and disbelief before she turned and walked away in a huff.

* * *

A week later and Tara still wasn't home. And she still wasn't talking to him. She continued to bring the boys by the clubhouse every morning. It became a routine. She'd drop the boys off before she went to work. An hour or so later Neeta would come and pick them up. End of the day Neeta would bring them back, an hour later Tara would be back to get them. That time with his boys, those moments he got to spend with her, it was the only thing keeping him sane.

Still, she wouldn't let him touch her. Always backed away quickly whenever he tried to reach for her. She was making it painfully obvious she was only there for the boys.

There were a few days he didn't think she was talking to his mother and Clay either. And his step-father was quick to let him know just how much he didn't appreciate that.

"I didn't even do shit." Clay finally snapped one day as he was standing at the bar. "Sure as fuck didn't know anything about you trying to sneak one in with your sister."

Instead of raising to the bait, Jax stood up to go out to the parking lot. Clay was making no secret that he did not like this situation at all. He wanted Jax and Tara under one roof with their boys. Initially Jax was just bitter enough to think it was an image thing. Clay's way to show the town that the Sons were all about family. Then he realized Clay had grown use to Tara, grown to like the idea of having a daughter in law. And was only trying to push him into going and getting her back.

Everyone seemed to have their own idea on just what he needed to do to make things right with Tara.

"I think she just needs to be pissed at you for a little while." Kozik told him one day as they both watched Tara pull off. "She never got the chance after everything that happened with Abel, at least not really. Just give her time, let her work through it."

Jax wanted to dismiss him. What the fuck did Kozik know anyway? He didn't know Tara. Sure as shit didn't know what their relationship was like. But it seemed Opie's thoughts had run along the same line.

"You just wait it out, man." Opie told him as they replaced the steering pads on Lyla's car. "Tara loves you. When she comes back, you let her know you've fucked up for the last time."

But Jax was tired of waiting. The longer she stayed away, the more he became convinced she was never coming back.

"You take your ass over to that hospital, snatch her up, and you drag her ass back home." Tig told him as he stood at the bar in the clubhouse. "Lock her in the bedroom, shit tie her to the bed. But you let her know there's no way in fuck you're letting her leave you."

Jax had nodded, considering he'd been thinking along the same lines himself, Tig's idea sounded pretty fucking perfect to him. But then Bobby, ever the voice of reason, spoke up to point out just how bad an idea that really was.

"Tigger," Bobby shook his head sadly. "The Doc was kidnapped and held in a fucking attic. Jax kidnaps her the only thing it's going to do is remind her of the last time she was tied up and the fact that he was fucking another woman while she was."

"Did you try telling her you were sorry, like really fucking sorry?" Juice asked one day as they made their way into the chapel.

Piney gave an exasperated sigh as he shoved pass both of them. "You're a fucking idiot."

But Jax wasn't entirely sure who Piney was talking about, though he had a feeling it wasn't Juice.

"You go over there and you take Abel." Clay told him, his anger and irritation being taken out on the steak Gemma sat in front of him. "She has no legal rights to him. You take Abel, I'd bet she bring her ass right home then."

Gemma rubbed Clay's hand affectionately before turning to look at Jax from across the table. "Don't do that."

But he didn't need her to tell him that.

* * *

"What the hell is this?"

Under most circumstances, Tara walking in on his shower would have brought a self-satisfied smirk to his lips. But if her tone or the fire in her eyes was anything to go by, he would not be getting her to join him. Turning off the water, he reached around her to grab his towel. Not bothering to dry himself, simply wrapping it around his waist.

"What?"

"This? Do you think this makes everything okay?"

Jax looked down at the papers in her hands, but not before allowing his eyes to travel over _her_. She was in green, he really fucking loved her in green. The dress was one of those wrap around deals where all he had to do was give a tug at the knot on her hip to have it open. It plunged low, showcasing an expanse of soft pale skin. Before he knew what he was doing, before he could even stop himself, his hand reached out to trail his fingers over the swell of her breast.

"Jax." Tara slapped his hand away, shoved the papers in his face. "Explain."

"They're adoption papers." Jax stated simply. Her hair was pinned up so that her neck and shoulders were bare. He wanted to start at her ear, use his teeth to give her earlobe a tug, and not stop until he reached her toes. "It's still what you want, right. To adopt Abel?"

"Of course it's what I want. But I want to know why now."

"I should have done it a long time ago, before you even asked." He was willing to bet she wasn't wearing panties or if she was it was a thong. Black. Definitely black. "You're his mom."

Tara's eyes narrowed a bit. "You mean that."

Jax nodded. "I shouldn't have tried to keep you from adopting him, just so I could keep you." The heels put her at eye level with him. They were those ones with a lot of straps and looked complicated. He couldn't help but wonder just how those pointy little heels would feel digging into his ass. How they'd look thrown over his shoulders. "It's not just about you and me, it's about Abel. You're his second chance just like you're mine."

"This doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything." Jax corrected. "But I didn't do it to get you back. I did it because it was the right thing to do. Because Abel deserves to have a mother. He deserves you."

Tara was quiet for a long while, just staring down at the papers she held. "I…Thank you. You don't know…this means everything to me. I'll sign these and get 'em back to Rosen."

"Alright." She tried to step around him, but Jax merely shifted so that she nearly collided with him. "You look really fucking amazing." He crowded her back against the sink, invading her space. "Smell good, too."

"Jax." He could see the flush from her neck down to her chest. He knew it could go further, knew just what to do to make her flushed all over. "I have to go."

He shook his head. "No you don't. Stay with me." His hand came up to cup the back of her neck. He tried to pull her close, but she shoved him away. When he stumbled back a few steps, she moved quickly to get out of the small bathroom.

"Really, I have to go."

Due to the distance now between them and the cooler air of the bedroom, Jax was able to think clearly. His eyes moved over her once again, taking in her appearance. "Where are you going?"

"Benefit for the hospital. I'm going to be late."

She started out of the room and not caring about his current state of undress, Jax started out after her. "Wait. Are you going alone? You should have said something, I'll come with you."

"I don't think that's a good idea." She glanced over her shoulder at him then at the people milling around the clubhouse. "Go put some clothes on, Jax."

She continued walking and he continued to follow her. "Why isn't it a good idea? You embarrassed to be seen with the biker, that it." He grabbed her arm, pulling her around to face him.

"What? Don't be ridiculous. You're the father of my children."

"Then what? Why don't you want me to go with you?"

Tara glanced around the lot. She pressed closer to him, whether it was because she wanted to shield his body from the women in the lot or she didn't want to be overheard, he couldn't say for sure. But he couldn't really argue with having her so close. "Because we're not together."

"No, we're fighting." And as far as Jax was concerned that was a big fucking difference from not being together. "You shouldn't go alone." Where other men can see her, think she was available. That idea didn't sit well with him at all.

"I'm not. Fiona's going with me."

For some reason that didn't make him feel better. "Are you…are you seeing other people. Letting Lyla and Fiona talk you into-"

Tara cut him off. "And if I said I was?"

He'd find out who it was and kill him. "I wouldn't be able to stand it." Jax told her honestly.

Tara stared at him for a moment. Her hand came up as if to cup his cheek, but she let it fall back to her side. "Yeah. I know exactly how that feels." Was all she said before she walked away from him.

* * *

The picture hit the local paper the next day and Jax hit the fucking roof. The guys had tried to hide it from him, it was only because they were so obvious about it that he paid any attention at all. He walked over to the bar, Piney tried to close the paper but Jax stopped him. He saw immediately what they were trying to hide.

There was a story on the benefit at the hospital. There were several pictures, absently he noted the ons of Margaret and Hale, Unser and Oswald. But none of those concerned him. The picture that had his full attention was Tara wrapped in the arms of that fucker Toby Martin, the caption under it read: Deputy Mayor Toby Martin, pictured above with date Dr. Tara Knowles, spoke of-

That was actually as far as Jax got before his eyes shot back up to the picture. Martin's hand was low on her back, the other holding her hand against his chest, and grinning like a fucking idiot. Jax saw red, probation or not, deputy mayor or not, he was going to rip that fuckers hands off. Just barely resisting the urge to pick up one of the bar stools and heave it across the room, he backed away from the bar and headed out of the clubhouse.

"Jackson." Fiona's voice was curt, as was the nod she gave him on his way by her.

Great, Jax thought, another woman who was fucking pissed at him. "I'm trying to make this right."

Fiona stopped, said nothing, just raised one curious eyebrow.

"And it might go a little better if you and Lyla weren't encouraging Tara to see other men."

"I've done no such thing."

"You were suppose to be with her last night. I saw the fucking paper. If you were with her how'd she end up as Martin's fucking date."

"Misinformation." Fiona answered simply. "Tara and I were together, pretty much stayed together the entire night because she didn't want to be bothered with too many people there. The young man, I guess it was the deputy mayor, kept on her to dance until she agreed. After it was over we left."

Though her words went a long way to curb his jealousy, it did nothing for his anger.

"I knew Aiden coming here was a bad idea." Fiona continued, not bothering to wait for Jax's reply. "When I met Tara, I thought immediately of him."

Jax's jaw clenched. What the fuck did that even mean?

"Tara's very cool, detached. She's not cold, but she's good at staying just a hair removed from people. You've to earn her smiles and her warmth. Her loyalty." Her head tilted to the side. "But I'm not telling you anything you don't know about her. Some men, they find aloofness such as that attractive. Especially men like Aiden that's had everything come very easy to him. She barely even knew when he was in a room and he lost his mind over her."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Aiden isn't the only man who's going to look at Tara and see her for the beautiful, smart, challenging woman that she is. You can't lock her away, Jackson. Keep men away from her until she forgives you. So you better work a little harder at making this right. Or some other man is going to come along and appreciate her a lot more than you did."


	16. Chapter 16

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: Once again a big thanks to Eve Levine for reading this over for me. And to everyone for all the reviews and alerts.**

**Chapter 16**

He started hanging out around the house. Pulling his bike into the drive and sitting out on the front porch until she realized he was't going anywhere. The first night he was completely fucking wasted. Had to be wasted to work up the courage to knock. He was afraid she wouldn't answer. Afraid she would. But with his system swimming with bud and Cuervo, he stumbled his way onto the porch.

"Tara." He mumbled softly as he knocked on the door. "Come on, babe, open up. Tara." He spoke a little louder, knocked a lot harder. "Tara! Tara! Open the fucking door!" He began to pound on the door, not giving a shit about the time of night or the noise he was making. "I'll break it down. I swear to God, I'll break down this fucking door and drag you and the boys home. Tara!" His hand was getting ready to come down hard on the door again when it opened.

A stupidly drunken smile eases across his lips as his vision clears to reveal Tara. No doubt she was pissed, heat was radiating out of her gorgeous green eyes so intensely he was surprised it didn't burn right through his head. Her hair was tousled, sexy, and he loved that she didn't run a self-conscious hand through it. She was wearing his blue plaid shirt, he'd been wondering where the fuck that thing was, and nothing else. Jax was instantly hard, instantly needy.

"Are you out of your goddamn mind?"

Jax frowned, What the fuck kind of question was that. She'd left him hadn't she, of course he was out of his mind. "Get your shit, I'm taking you home."

"No," Tara gave a tired sigh. "You're not."

"Babe," Jax leaned heavily against the door, afraid it might get slammed in his face. "I can't…I fucking hate…" His hands ran roughly over his face. The frustration he felt at not being able to find the right words causing him to slam his fist into the door. "Tara, come home. Please. I need you."

"Give me your keys, Jax."

Jax looked down at his empty hands as if he could make his keys magically appear. Then glanced over his shoulder at his bike. "You can't get all your shit on there."

The corners of Tara's lips tugged a bit. "I'm not…I'm calling Opie or someone, to come get you. You have no business on the back of a bike like this."

Shaking his head, Jax stood up straight. He may have been drunk, but his voice was firm when he spoke. "I'm not leaving here without my family."

And to prove his point he lowered himself to the step, where he must have fallen to sleep. Because the next thing he clearly remembered was Tara shaking him awake. Or she may have kicked him, he wasn't really sure. Though the pain in his back hinted at a kick. She mumbled something about not letting her sons' father sleep on the porch like a vagrant before marching back inside. He started to stumble into the her bedroom, but she stopped that with one sharp look. So he found himself in the boys' room, Tara's old bedroom. And despite sleeping on the floor, he slept better than he had since she left him.

Every night following, after he finished up at the clubhouse, he found himself out in front of Tara's dad's house. After the first few nights, where she let him sit out there for a while, she started letting him in almost immediately. If the boys were still up, she'd leave them alone together. If they were already sleep, she'd leave him alone altogether.

It was progress. And he was with her, with them. After two and a half, nearly three weeks of tossing and turning in bed without them it was nice to be able to sleep under the same roof as his family.

* * *

"Hey," He was perched on his bike. He'd gone back to their home to shower and change. He should have been at the clubhouse, he wanted to go inside with Tara and the boys. In the end he decided to split the difference and call her from the drive way.

"Hi."

"I'm gonna head over to the clubhouse. It's Juice's birthday. There's going to be a party." Maybe he was hoping to get a reaction out of her. Probably wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done, telling her he was going to an SOA party. But he wanted…_something_ from her. Even just the smallest flicker that she still gave a fuck. But there was nothing.

"Alright. Why are you telling me this Jax?"

"Because," He couldn't tell her the truth, though he knew she probably figured it out. "I'll probably be getting in late. I just…I don't want to sleep at the clubhouse tonight. I don't want to go home alone." It was the first time since he started coming around that he asked.

There was a long pause on the end. She knew what he was saying. What he was asking. And now Jax thought if she didn't answer him soon he'd go crazy. "We'll be here, Jax."

He let out an inaudible sigh of relief. "Tara."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Yeah?" Tara repeated before hanging up on him.

* * *

By the time he arrived at the clubhouse the lot was packed. He heard the music before he even pulled in, the bonfire was going, and a lot of women had already lost their clothes. Climbing off his bike he headed straight into the clubhouse. He wanted to get drunk, really fucking drunk.

No, the first thing he was going to do was find the Irish and beat the living shit out of him. After what happened with Tara, Aiden was pretty scarce around the clubhouse. Jax thought the fucker had enough sense to find his way the hell out of Charming. Come to find out Clay sent him to Utah, business out that way needed a few bodies. It was smart on Clay's part. But it wasn't enough.

Jax wanted him gone, wanted him back the fuck in Ireland. But first he wanted to hurt him

"Hey, Jax." Tig was behind the bar, bottle of whiskey in hand, shot glasses lined up. He poured one for Jax, then set a beer out for him as well. "So the Irish? We're going to kill him for hurting the Doc, right."

"No talk of killing anything tonight." Clay warned as he came up to the bar. "It's Juice's night. There's too much pussy and too much booze to think about spilling a little Irish blood. We deal with that fucker later." And the way Clay said it made 'deal with' sound like 'kill painfully'.

"_We_ aren't dealing with shit." Jax snapped out. "Aiden is my problem, I'll handle him."

"I'm loving that look in your eye, brother." Tig toasted him with a smile.

Jax tried to get into the party, have fun for Juice's sake. But he just wasn't feeling it and eventually just kept to his seat at the bar. Found that with a joint in one hand and a bottle of jack in the other, things usually started to look up after a while. At the start of the night his mood seemed to translate and most of the croweaters and porn stars got the hint and gave him a wide birth. But the bud finally kicked in, the jack did it's job, and his posture on the bar stool became relaxed.

The women gravitated to him, most women usually did. Fuck, all the women he came across. Well, all except one. Tara. There were times when she could be downright possessive of him. Others when it was like she could take or leave his ass. Hell, she'd been back in Charming three days before he even knew. He had to hear from Opie, who found out from Donna after Ellie's doctor's appointment. At which point he, unknowingly dipped into Kohn territory, and practically stalked her so he could 'accidentally' run into her at the gas station. She smiled, said how it was good to see him, but hadn't even come close to falling at his feet like he imagined she would.

Now here he was at a party with women throwing pussy at him. Tara hadn't let him touch her in a weeks. He didn't need that shit. And as some panty and pasty wearing blonde climbed into his lap, he didn't know why he even fucking bothered. Hadn't Clay told him she was just some chick.

The mother of your children, a voice in his head whispered. But he took another chug from the bottle to drown it out.

For all he knew what he felt for her could just be residual shit from when they were kids. Maybe the only reason he hadn't gotten over her was because he hadn't allowed himself to get over her. There were so many women, all different kinds of women out there, fuck he'd had his fair share. She wasn't so different from the rest.

Except that Tara was nothing like the rest. Jax brought the joint to his lips, inhaling deeply, tried to give the blonde in his lap an appreciative smile. Was only partially aware that it came off more like a grimace.

Maybe it was true that he hadn't found a woman who's hair felt so thick and heavy in his hands as Tara's had. But her lips weren't _that_ full. The only reason they even appeared that way was because they were so easy to bruise. All he had to do was graze his teeth over her bottom lip and it would plump right up. And they always felt so fucking perfect against him, wrapped around him, all swollen and hot and red. But that wasn't so special. Her skin bruised easily, too.

Tara's skin. It was like…fucking porcelain or some shit. He didn't even understand how her skin could stay so pale and soft…like silk soft, all the time. All the women he came across were tan; suntanned, spray tanned, or tanning bed tanned. Most of the women who hung around the club seemed obsessed with it. But not Tara, never Tara. Even when they were younger she didn't seem the least bit bothered by her pale complexion. But that was Tara.

My Tara, he thought as he downed the last of the bottle. Nowhere near drunk enough to tune out the voice in his head. His Tara, who could slice to pieces with just a look. Who worked her ass off in high school when everyone said her drunk daddy didn't afford her many options. The same Tara who applied and got accepted into college with no support from anyone she loved, including him. Who graduated college, finished med school, and became a pediatric surgeon on her own.

Tara who always seemed to know, without his having to tell her, when he needed to feel her arms around him. Who always sat and listened when he needed to talk. Who understood him, saw through him, and loved him flaws and all. She saved his kid, was the first person to hold him. She was it for him.

The reason there hadn't been another woman who mattered was because there couldn't be another woman who mattered. There was only Tara.

* * *

"You look like a new man." Opie spoke softly as he took a seat next to Jax at the bar, the blonde that had been on his lap long gone.

"I'm going home, Op." The despondent, desperately trying to get drunk Jax from earlier was gone. Well, at least the despondent Jax was gone. He was still working his way towards drunk. There was a large, boyish grin on his face. "And I'm taking my family with me."

"Seem sure of that."

Jax nodded. He was sure. And he realized that they were all right. He needed to go get Tara and the boys, take them home, and make it clear to her that neither of them were going anywhere until they hashed all their shit out. "It's like you said, man. Some shit you just gotta work for. I'm gonna work for my family."

"Alright, brother." Opie tilted his beer bottle in a toast. "If you need any help, you know with tying Tara up and getting her in the van, let me know."

"Fuck you." But he was grinning and tilted his bottle as well.

With his new perspective, he began to enjoy the party. Toasting his brother and wishing him a happy birthday, buying him a lap dance or two, beating Opie in pool. It was a good time. And it was good to see everyone happy again.

"Alright, bro." Jax threw his arms around Juice. "I'm gonna head out."

"Me, too, brother." Opie told him as he finished his beer.

"Wait," Tig stumbled over. "You guys can't be leaving, the party's just starting. Opie, man, no way Lyla's giving you shit about being home."

"She's not, but I gotta get home man."

"Aw," Tig waved him off before turning to Jax. "Your Old Lady ain't even home. What the fuck are you rushing for?"

"The plan is to kidnap his Old Lady." Opie informed everyone.

Jax laughed. "I'm not kidnapping her. I'm just taking her home. Whether she likes it or not."

A round of catcalls went up. His brothers shouting out their encouragement for his new resolve.

"Night boys." Jax's smile stayed in place all the way out to the lot. His plans for getting drunk had fallen to the wayside. But he was feeling pretty fucking good, lighter than he has in weeks.

"Hey, Jax."

His smile stayed in place, because nothing, not even Ima could ruin his mood. He gave her a nod, continued on to his bike. But not seeming to take the hint that he didn't want to be bothered with her, Ima reached out to grab his sleeve.

"Leaving already? I thought we could, you know, hang out."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen." Jax locked his fingers around her wrist to remove her hand from him. "Ever."

"Come on, Jax. I know she left you, everyone knows. Why don't you realize that Miss Tara-"

Now Jax's easy mood was gone as he advanced on her. "You think I was joking when I told you never to say her name. Understand you were nothing to me, a dick move I made to protect Tara. That night, it wasn't about you, it was never about you. It was about her."

"No," Tears welled in her eyes, she reached out a hand to run it along Jax's arm, but he flinched away. Had no response to her tears. "I was there. You were so-"

"You could have been anyone." Jax made an indifferent movement with his shoulders. "Just pussy. Don't come near me again. Better yet, stay the fuck away from this clubhouse." With that he climbed on his bike, gave Opie a nod as he strapped on his helmet. By the time he pulled out on the main road towards Tara's dad's house, Ima was completely out of his mind.

* * *

She opened the door for him when he stepped onto the porch. When she tried to fall into their usual routine where she walked back to her bedroom without so much as a word to him, he stopped her. Catching her by the wrist before she could get too far. Her eyes narrowed at his easy grin, but not to be deterred he pulled her close.

"I'm sorry. I fucked up, I know I fucked up real bad."

"Jax, I don't think-"

"No, hear me out. I'm sorry, I know it's weak, it doesn't make up for how bad I hurt you." His arms locked around her waist, he buried his face in her neck. "But I'm so fucking sorry. You come home, we can talk this out. Just give me a chance." His lips moved against her neck, he couldn't keep from drawing her skin into his mouth. "You feel so fucking good."

"Jax," Tara braced a hand against his chest. "Don't do this."

But she wasn't putting up much of a fight and he was very much aware of how relaxed she was. "Do what?"

"This. I went out with the other Old Ladies tonight." Her body, for lack of a better word, melted into his. "I'm a little drunk."

And he knew what she was saying was that she didn't have the strength to fight him. He could have pressed, just a little, and had her falling into bed with him. But she'd hate him for it in the morning. "You shouldn't be drinking like that."

Tara rolled her eyes, but a hint of a smile tugged at her lips. "Gemma, and everyone else, said the same thing. Which is why I'm only a little drunk. Still, I need you not to push."

"Alright. But I'm sleeping in the same bed as my Old Lady tonight. And in the morning I'm taking her and our boys home."

"Jax-"

"Too late to argue, babe. I've already decided."

Now Tara struggled with a smile. And though she managed to keep her lips from fully curling, he could see the smile in her eyes. "You decided? Exactly what have you decided?"

That he wasn't letting her go. That he was going to work for their relationship. That it was time for them to finally lay all their cards on the table. And after that, they were going to be a family in every way that mattered. "I'll tell you tomorrow. Now, I don't know about you but I'm fucking exhausted. Let's go to bed."

Tara slapped a hand against his chest when he started to step forward. "You're still riding the couch. Night, Jax."

Placing his hand on the one against his chest, Jax brought her palm to his lips. "Alright, babe. But I'm still taking you home tomorrow."


	17. Chapter 17

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: New link for the house is up, it should be working now. Again, big thanks to Eve for the imput on this chapter. **

**Chapter 17**

The next morning they went out to breakfast. It wasn't until they were sitting in the diner, a kid in a booster seat beside each of them, that he realized they'd never gone out as a family, just the four of them. He couldn't even remember the last time he took Tara out. It was normal, sitting in a booth across from Tara, the boys babbling away next to them. He didn't feel the weight of the Reaper on his back or the patch on his chest.

"Can I get you anything to drink, Dr. Knowles?" The young waitress, one of Floyd's granddaughters, Lucy if he was remembering correctly, smiled happily at them.

"Glass of orange juice."

"Wait" Jax interrupted. "What was your reading this morning?"

Tara made an absent movement with her shoulders. "It was normal."

"Means you didn't take it. No orange juice. Water's fine, sweetheart." Jax told Lucy. He waited until the girl walked away from the table. "Have you been taking care of yourself?"

"Yeah. You were rushing me this morning, I didn't have time to check."

Jax realized that may have been true. He was the first one up and had their stuff packed and in the Cutlass before Tara even rolled over. Had both boys dressed by the time she got out of the shower.

"No point wasting time."

"I'm surprised I just didn't wake up at home."

Jax grinned. "Thought about it. Opie offered to help."

"Opie would."

When their food was brought out they ate, keeping the conversation to mundane things. There was some awkwardness, a bit of tension, but that was to be expected and it didn't matter. What did matter to him was that his heart still raced when he looked at her. When he laid his hand over hers, her fingers still tangled with his. She used her spoon to scoop the ice cubes out of his glass and drop them into hers. Barely even batted an eyelash when he stole her toast. They fell right back into their rhythm.

By the time they got back home the boys were sleep and Jax was more than a little relieved at that. He had no doubt that the conversation he and Tara needed to have would get heated. With any luck the boys would sleep straight through it. They went to their bedroom, closed the door partially, but he didn't know why. Both he and Tara could get pretty loud, if they got loud enough the boys would definitely hear.

"I don't know where to start, Tara."

For a moment Tara only stared at him, a look of total disbelief registering on her face. "Fine, I'll start." She paced away from him, not stopping until the bed sat between them. "I have loved you for so long…that loving you is as much a part of who I am as…" She made a frustrated movement with her hands. "The color of my eyes. But…it's not everyday, it's not boring. When I wake up in the morning, whenever I look at you, it hits me. I love you, I've only ever loved you. But there's all this…shit that comes with loving you, the club, your mother, the violence. I accepted that because you asked me to stay, because you promised it wouldn't always be this way. Because I loved you so much I couldn't think of leaving. I accepted a lot." She took a deep breathe, Jax knew that when her voice hitched that way she was fighting back tears. The knowledge of which had him fighting back tears of his own. "What I can't accept, what I told you I could not accept, was you sleeping with other women. I already share you with the club. I won't share you with other women"

"Tara-"

"I'm not finished." She cut him off harshly. "I can't accept that every time we have a fight or shit gets bad that chances are good that you're going to have sex with the first thing that smiles at you. I can't live with the fear that whenever things get a little too much to handle you're going to deal with it by taking some other woman to bed. I won't live like that, Jax. I deserve better."

Jax nodded. "You're right, you do. I thought it then, I know it now. You deserve better than this life. You didn't deserve the things I did to you. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to give you what you really deserve, if I'll ever be the kind of man that'll be good enough for you. But what I do know, what I'm sure of, is that I love you. I've loved you since I was fucking sixteen and that's never going to change."

"But it's not enough. Do you understand what seeing you with that porn slut did to me? What it was like to have every fear, every insecurity, I have when it comes to you hit me right in the face. I can't lose you, Jax."

"When I was locked up…" Jax paused. He felt vulnerable, like always he felt so vulnerable with her, and he fucking hated it. Didn't know if he had the strength to give her any more of himself than he already had. But then he looked at her, saw the resolution, the determination in her eyes, and realized he had to do this. "I was afraid of losing you. I was so fucking scared that you'd realize how much better you could do, how much you didn't need me, and leave. These past couple of weeks, Lyla and Fiona…they had no problem telling me all the other options you had. I saw that picture of you and Martin, the way he touched you, I wanted to kill him. I can't stand the thought of another man…touching you…being…fuck." Jax bit the word off, because he couldn't even say it. Couldn't even get his mouth around the words.

"The day I found you in Opie's room, I realized why you weren't in mine." Jax could feel the rage building, the helplessness. He just wanted to take her in his arms and have this conversation be over. "I hate your old man's place. I hate thinking about it, I hate riding by it. I fucking hate it. I hate it because I know that son of bitch Kohn touched you there. I did what I did because he hurt you, fucking terrorized you. But that day I put him through Floyd's window I wasn't thinking about that. Only thing I could think about was that he'd been with you. I wanted him dead, I wanted him dead because he knew what it was like to be inside you. And I wanted to rip his fucking head off for it."

"Why do it, then? Why Ima and Trinity? If you know how it makes me feel, why do it."

"Because I wanted you to hate me! I wanted you to hate me as much as I fucking hated myself." Running his hands over his face, Jax dropped onto the bed. "Raping Gemma, taking my kid…that shit's not in the rulebook, Tara. When I asked you to stay…I didn't know…that shit's just not in the fucking rulebook."

Tara walked to the bed as well, slowly lowered herself down on the edge, but maintained the distance between them.

"I kept seeing Sack's body. I had these nightmares that instead of him we found, it was you and Abel. I couldn't stand the thought of finding your body or hearing you telling me the things Gemma did. I wanted you gone. And I needed you to hate me because I knew I wasn't strong enough to stay away from you."

"Jax," Tara sighed his name softly.

"It won't happen again, Tara. You and the boys, you mean more to me than anything. I don't even fucking recognize the guy I am without you. I sure as shit don't like the guy I am without you. Come home, come back to me, and I swear you'll never have to worry about me with another woman again."

"It's not-" Tara moved closer, but still not close enough for him to touch her. "It's not just the other women. You told me I wasn't your family and I got that letter, I believed you when you said you didn't mean it. I believed it when you said I was your home. Then you turn around and put Wendy's feelings before mine. Again."

"Again? I never-"

"The night Abel came home, the night Donna died. We became 'whatever this is' because of Wendy. It's like…I'm suppose to be aware of what we are, I'm suppose to be secure in that when you never make it known to anyone else."

"That's bullshit, everyone knows you're mine." When she shot him a look over her shoulder he was quick to correct himself. "My Old Lady." But now having said it the other way, Jax realized he meant it. Tara was his, as far as he was concerned she always had been.

"The guys know, all the guys know it enough that I can see them concentrating on my forehead to keep from looking at my chest."

The corners of Jax's lips tugged, but he managed to keep the smug grin off his face.

"But did you ever tell Wendy that we were 'whatever' we were. Did you let Ima know we were together? Or better yet, tell Luann you didn't give a shit about making Ima feel better if it meant hurting me. At any point while you were in Ireland did you let Trinity know that there was someone back home that you loved?" When he didn't speak, Tara nodded. "That's what I thought. Do you know how that makes me feel? You kept telling me to ignore Ima, but you never said she knew you were in love and living with someone else. You told me to consider Wendy's feeling and I have to wonder if you'd have ever told her to consider mine. And you do it because you like their attention. You don't think I see the look in your eyes when a woman comes on to you. You fucking love it and you have no idea how it makes me feel."

"Maybe it makes you feel exactly how I felt when you left me. Like you don't fucking matter. Like everything you thought was real, like everything you fucking lived for was a goddamn lie!" The words exploded out of him. Ten years of anger and resentment erupting out of him without his permission. "I was nineteen years old and you were all I fucking wanted. You were all I wanted and you wanted something else, something more. It made me feel like nothing. So I went to other women. I like that they want me, that they would do anything for my attention. Even when they don't matter, even when they barely register to me. Because when you left, it fucking broke something in me."

"I never…leaving you was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, Jax. There were so many times, so many fucking times, I wanted to come back. That I wanted to just toss aside everything I worked for and come back. Come back to you. I tried to forget about you, tried to move on, tell myself what we had was teenage first love bullshit. But I knew it was a lie. When I went out with other men-"

"Why didn't you come back?" Jax demanded, not needing to hear about her dating other guys. "Why didn't you just come back? We could have figured something out."

"I couldn't…you had the club, your mother, Clay. All I had was you. And I couldn't let you be my whole world. It wouldn't have been fair to either of us." She moved closer still. "And because when I gave you a choice, me or the club, you chose the club. That broke something in _me_, Jax."

"I was scared, Tara. I knew how to hang on to you in Charming. I didn't know if I could if we were away from here. I could see it then. How you were becoming someone else, growing away from me. It scared the shit out of me."

"I was growing up, Jax. I never grew away from you."

He could feel her beside him now, her shoulder brushing his. "This feels like a conversation we should have had a long time ago."

"Several conversations."

"From here on out, Tara, we have to be honest with each other. Completely and totally honest. That way we're prepared, for whatever shit someone tries to throw at us again."

Tara nodded. "You're right. Wait, just wait right here." She walked into the closet, he could hear her rummaging around before she came back out a few moments later, holding a stack of letters. "I want to tell you something, and I want you to try not to interrupt me while I tell you."

Immediately Jax started to rethink the total honesty thing. Afraid of what she might say, afraid of how he'd react, afraid to be back where they were yesterday. "Okay."

"The day Cameron took Abel…I keep replaying it in my head. Imagining different things I could have done, different ways I could have saved him. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for letting him be taken. I froze, Jax. Sack was laying there, bleeding out, Cameron picked Abel up…and I just froze. I try to tell myself it was because I knew…I knew I was pregnant…but that doesn't make it better."

Despite her asking him not to, Jax took her hand to bring her attention to him. "It wasn't your fault."

"I failed him, Jax. I failed our son. What your mother said-" She broke off, shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

"No, what? What did Gemma say?"

"It doesn't matter." Tara repeated.

"Honesty, Tara. Tell me what she said."

"She asked…wondered that if Abel had been my flesh and blood, would I have done more."

"What the fuck-"

"Jax, please, I need to get this out. Let me finish?" When he nodded, she took a deep breath and continued. "I felt like he was mine, more mine than he ever was Wendy's, and that made it worse. If I had the excuse…but I didn't, because he was mine and I didn't save him. You said you didn't hate me, that you didn't blame me…It didn't matter because I hated myself, I blamed myself. I didn't think I deserved to be a mother, I didn't deserve Abel or a new baby." Her hand tightened in his and Jax moved closer, drawing his arm around her shoulders. "I told myself it was because you weren't ready…we weren't ready for another baby. Truth is I couldn't stand the thought of letting down another child. I made an appointment at a clinic…I made an appointment to have an abortion."

It was pure reflex that caused him to flinch and jerk away from her. "You what?"

"I was running away, just like you accused me of after Donna died. I felt that as long as I didn't have another child, I couldn't let him down. Abel is mine, but I didn't save him. I couldn't go through it again. So I made the appointment…Salazar…that's where Margaret and I were heading when he took us."

Needing to put some distance between them, Jax stood from the bed and walked to the far corner of the room. "You were going to abort Ben." She shot him a hard look, but he barely flinched back from it. "What? It's the fucking truth."

"It wasn't-"

"Don't give me that bullshit about how it wasn't a baby. It was our fucking son and you were going to get rid of him." He started to advance on her, arm pointing towards the bedroom door. "You go down there and look at him and tell me what the fuck he wasn't when you made an appointment to get rid of him."

Tara was on her feet now as well. "You have no right-"

"I have every fucking right!" Jax shouted. "_Our_ kid, that was our kid you were planning on aborting. And why? Because you were mad at me."

"Because I was scared! I had one child ripped out of my fucking arms and I had to deal with that pain by myself. I was suffering. And got treated like I didn't even have the right to feel the way I did. I was alone and I was hurting, on top of being the fucking Teller family punching bag."

Jax shook his head. "No, this isn't my fault. This isn't about me. This is about you being a fucking coward." He really didn't know what it was she picked up and threw at him, only had a split second before he had to duck out of the way and whatever it was shattered against the wall behind him. "What the fuck?"

"Fuck you! I'm a coward? You fucking ran, too, Jax. You bailed and once again I had to make all the hard decisions. Risk my life, Abel's life, and the life of my unborn child by fighting Cameron. Bring another child into _this,_" She made a wide motion with her arms. "This violent, confusing mess we call a life. You didn't have to make that choice-"

"I did have to make that choice." Jax interrupted. He'd sworn he'd never tell her this, that he'd never admit to just how close he came to giving Abel up. But the words escaped him, came spilling out before he could stop himself. "I saw a chance for Abel. I knew he didn't belong here, didn't belong in my life, so I let him go. I made the choice and I let him go. So don't fucking tell me I don't know how to make the hard choices." By the time the rage and anger had cleared from his eyes, he saw the way all the color had drained from her face. Watched as she realized just how close they came to losing their boys.

"You let him go." Tara's hand went to her stomach. "You let Abel go. And I…I nearly-" Before she could finish, she was covering her mouth with her hand and rushing past him towards the bathroom.

From where he stood, Jax could hear her emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet, and just like that the fight had gone out of him. He was angry, of course he was still angry, at her but also at himself. Hated how much he felt like his father in that moment. Hated that he never considered her pain. That by losing himself in his own grief, he left Tara alone long before he got on a plane for Ireland. And Tara responded by doing what she did best, she tried to run away.

Walking into the bathroom, Jax took a clean face rag from the drawer. Running it under the tap before wringing it out and carrying it to Tara. She was sitting against the wall opposite the toilet, face clammy and pale. Handing her the rag, he lowered himself to the floor besides her.

"I remember," Tara began after a few moments of quiet, her words soft, barely above a whisper. "I remember being tied up in that attic and thinking I didn't care what happened to me. I knew the club didn't have the money and that if Salazar didn't get it he'd kill us both. And I didn't care."

Hearing her disregard her life that way, of how close he came to losing her and Ben had his stomach twisting into knots. He didn't want to hear this, didn't want to go back to that time or place. But he knew she had to get it out, knew she had to finish telling him.

"Margaret was freaking out. Talking about her kids and her husband…she was there because of me. I tried to get free, at least get her out. Salazar kicked me, it was in that moment, that split second…I wasn't ready to die. I didn't want to give up our baby. Either of them. Realized how much I wanted him, how much I wanted to get back to you and Abel. So I decided to fight, for myself and for the baby."

At this point she stood up and went to the sink, but Jax remained where he was. Remained quiet as he watched her brush her teeth, rinse her mouth, and wash her face. When she finished she lowered herself to the tub, her eyes meeting his for the first time since he came into the bathroom.

"I wouldn't have done it. I'm not just saying that now. I know in my heart, I'd have never been able to go through with the abortion."

"I let Abel go." The words burning in his throat. "It wasn't something I planned. When I left the clubhouse, I had every intention of getting Abel and bringing him home. I followed them to this place, like an open market or something. They were normal, happy people. They loved him, I could see that already they loved him. And Abel…he looked…he looked so beautiful, Tara. Perfect. He was clean of the dirt and the filth and the blood of my life. He had a chance…I saw his chance for something better, something more. So I let him go."

He wasn't even aware of his tears, didn't know when hers started. All he knew was that she'd crawled into his lap. Her arms locking tight around his neck. And they held each other close as they both cried for the mistakes that they made.

"That's when Gemma told me you were pregnant, that I was going to have another son. In that moment…everything became so fucking clear to me. That's when the priest came, Clay came back, and I realized Jimmy was going after Abel." He had already told her about finding that couple dead. Told her fourteen months ago when he left out the part about giving up their son. "When I got him back, I promised him I'd never let anyone take him from me again."

"After Salazar tied me back up, I swore to do everything I could to make sure our baby stayed safe." She gave a strained laugh. "We make quite a pair don't we."

"Yeah." Cupping her face in his hand, Jax tilted Tara's head back so that he could brush his lips across hers. "We do." His lips brushed over her brow before he rested his against it. "Those letters," He felt her tense, but didn't understand it. "Was that how you were planning on telling me?"

"No." Much to Jax's disappointment, Tara moved out of his lap and back out into the bedroom. With a sigh, and a silent prayer that the fighting was over, he stood up to follow her. "The day you were taken away, that last day we were together. I went back to the house…I needed some time to get myself together. I didn't want to be a crying mess around Abel. I just wanted to be around your things. I started…cleaning. I found your backpack, the one you took to Ireland. These were wrapped in your hat. They're letters your dad wrote to Maureen. I read them. They were addressed to you, but I read them. I'm sorry."

As it was lately when his father was mention, Jax began to feel uncomfortable, and began to impatiently try to pace off the feeling. "You should have fucking burned them. I don't want them."

"You should read them. Jax," Standing as well, Tara slapped her hands against his chest to halt his pacing. "I didn't want to give them to you or say anything while you were on the inside because, selfishly, I didn't want anything to keep you from coming back to me. Fourteen months go by and I didn't know how to tell you I kept something like this from you."

It was the concern, the uncertainty in her eyes, that got to him. Made him realize that those letters from his father to Maureen were more than just love letters. More than whatever she read in his manuscript. "What did they say?"

"You should read them." Tara repeated. "You read them, tell me what you think. I'll tell you what I think. And then we'll figure out what to do about them."

Jax glanced over at the letters on the bed. Somehow he understood that whatever was in them, once he read it, everything would change. He was afraid, part of him wanted to run from whatever his father had written. To burn those letters and pretend they never existed. But as his hands absently came up to frame Tara's hips so that he could pull her closer, the full impact of what she said hit him. "_We_?"

Tara nodded. "As in you and me. Together. We are a team right."

Whatever was in those letters, whatever came their way, he knew they'd get through it. Just like they always did. "Yes we are."


	18. Chapter 18

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: Sorry for the delay on this. Just had to work through a few things and wanted to make sure the next one was done so that nothing changed. But it's all worked so I should be back on schedule now.**

**Chapter 18**

They spent the rest of the day at home with the boys. Despite Tara's urging, Jax put the letters aside, he wasn't ready to deal with them. Not today. Today he just wanted his family. Both his cut and his phone remained off. Tara had made herself pretty scarce, spending most of the day converting one of the spare rooms into a mini-medical library. Leaving Jax pretty much alone with the boys. Although every once in awhile Abel would run off, going straight to the room Tara was in. Once or twice he didn't even go in, just ran to the door and stood there a few moments. Almost as if he were checking to make sure she was still there.

It still got to him, the bond between them. There was no denying it was special. Jax knew his son loved him, knew what it was like to have his kid's face light up whenever he walked into a room. But even that didn't compare to what happened to that kid when he saw Tara. Like she was his whole world and it lit him up from the inside out. And it was why he loved to see the two of them together.

Still he loved having his time with them. They played and wrecked the cars. Ran through the house in a game of 'gotcha'. Even went outside for a bit to roll around in the grass. They came in for dinner after which he gave them their baths. Once they were both in their pajamas he had carried them out to the family room where they abandoned him the minute their eyes started to droop.

"Why don't you go hop in the shower?" Tara suggested as both boys cuddled up on the couch with her. "I got them."

Because they had effectively worn him the fuck out, Jax took her up on the offer. He still didn't know how she did it alone. The times he was hardest on himself, he believed it was easier for her because she'd established the routines with them. That she'd been with them and knew them and therefore was better able to handle them. It wasn't a line of thought he enjoyed, but he knew it was the truth. He missed out on so much with them both.

But not any more. He was going to be a part of his boys' life. He swore they'd never know long stretches of time without him. And that the next time he and Tara had a child he was going to be with her every step of the way.

* * *

Tara was just stepping out of the bathroom when Jax walked back into the bedroom. There was a towel wrapped around her, she had another in her hands to dry her hair. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, Abel just threw his blanket out of the crib."

"Ben?"

"Slept through it, he's like you. He could probably sleep through an air raid." She tossed the towel she was using to dry her hair at him, but he caught it easily enough. "You know Abel's getting too big for that crib now, right. He's going to need one of those toddler beds."

"He's not big enough for one of those. He's still my baby-a baby."

Jax couldn't help but to grin at her slip up. He never would have figured Tara would have such a hard time with the boys getting bigger. She was always so practical, always reasonable. But it would seem she was having a difficult time even putting their oldest boy in a toddler bed.

Crossing the room, he locked one arm around her waist. He used his other hand to tug his boxers off, kicking them absently across the room. "Our boy's getting bigger, babe. It's time for him to come out of that crib." In one swift movement he had her towel on the floor. "He can't stay a baby forever."

"Doesn't mean he has to grow up so fast. Ben will be right on his heels."

"Gotta do something, babe, or he's gonna be climbing out of that crib soon."

"You think?"

Jax flashed a proud grin. "He's my kid, isn't he."

Tara seemed to be considering this, her eyes flicking towards the door. "Maybe we should bring him in here, so he doesn't hurt himself."

Making a subtle movement with his hips, Jax allowed her to feel his already hardening dick. They had a lot of time to make up for and Jax was set on starting immediately. "Not unless you want to scar the kid for life."

"Jax," But the hint of warning in her sigh was negated by the way she pressed against him.

"Relax, I didn't say he was gonna climb out tonight. But it's sure as shit gonna happen, sooner rather than later."

"Why can't it be later?"

He smothered his laugh in her neck, but he knew she could feel the vibrations where their chests were pressed together. "How about I give you another one? A little SOA princess to ease the sting of your princes growing up on you."

Tara sighed as his mouth moved along her shoulder, down her chest, to press feather light kisses over her breasts. "Three babies, three and under? We'd be crazy."

With a smile touching his lips Jax began to nibble at hers. "Have we ever established that we weren't?" He lifted her only to lay her across the bed before he lowered himself over her. "Come on, a baby girl. Little blonde hair, green-eyed, dimpled princess."

Drawing back from his kiss, her eyes narrowed on him. Searching his face, cutting straight through to him in a way only she could. "You're serious. You want another baby?"

Shifting so that he was resting on his elbow, Jax allowed his hand to lazily slide along her body. Fingers brushing lightly over the sensitive skin of her hips causing her to shudder. He wondered if he could talk her into getting another tattoo, he wanted to see his name just there, on her hip. It made him hard just thinking about seeing his name inked into her skin. Leaning over he sank his teeth into the soft skin, drawing as much of her taste as he could into his mouth.

"Jax." Tara sighed, her fingers tangling in his hair. She gave it a tug, trying to pull him away. "Look at me."

Jax bit down just a little more firmly, sucked just a little harder until he was sure a deep purpling mark appeared. When he drew back and saw it, a pleased smile appeared on his lips. He ran his tongue over the mark before resting his chin on her hipbone. "What?"

"Do you want another baby?"

His shoulders moved in a shrug. "Don't you? Thought you said you'd want another one or two."

A smile curled her lips as her fingers ran along his cheeks. "I do." Her fingers lightly traced the shell of his ear than back to his cheeks. "Is this about wanting another baby or do you just want to get me pregnant again?"

Jax merely shrugged, he ran a hand down her thigh. When he reached her knee, he bent her leg, exposing more of her sex to him. His fingers danced from her knee up the inside of her thigh. Thought if he could find a blind tattoo artist he'd get his name inked on the inside of her thigh, just below her pussy. His stomach tighten as he imagined just how it would look when she was so wet her juices would run down her thighs, over his name. With a growl Jax leaned forward to bite her again, sinking his teeth into the spot he wanted his name. "Hey," Tara gave his hair a tug even as her back arched in pleasure. "Come here, you're getting way too distracted down there."

"It's so much fun down here." Jax murmured as he nuzzled her thigh.

With a laugh Tara hooked her leg around his chest and because he was distracted she was able to flip him onto his back until she was straddling his chest.

"Come up a little bit higher, baby." Jax suggested. "Or a little lower. Either way it works for me."

"We were talking about your biological clock going off." She started to laugh, but when his hand came down on her ass she gave a yelp in surprise.

"Careful, babe." Jax warned. "Or else you won't get fucked."

"I doubt that."

She was right. There was no way he was going to keep himself from being inside her again and again before the night was over. "You still want another baby with me, right?"

"I said I did."

"Then why not now."

"Because I'd like more than a year between Ben and the next one. If it happens sooner, it happens sooner. But if we're planning to have another baby, I want to wait a few years."

Jax nodded, that made sense. Thinking it a good thing that when his brain was running in primal 'make her mine mode', Tara could be practical. Their boys strengthened them in way they hadn't been before he went inside. But there were times when he was with them, when Abel walked away from him to lock his tiny arms around Tara or when Ben fussed and whined until she picked him up, that he felt like he was on the outside. It wasn't often, but it was enough. And it's not like Tara did try to keep him from feeling left out. Hell, from the first day of his release she made him part of their routine. Needing him to be involved with their family as much as he needed to be involved.

He just wanted every moment with them. Even the ones he knew he could never get back.

"I wanted to be with you when Ben was born." He still hated that half of fucking Charming-including the goddamn Irish-had been there. He hated that Opie had been the one to comfort her, Chibs the one to make her laugh, and his mother the one to coach her through it. "I want to at least hold one of my kids when they're born." It was really starting to bother him that he hadn't held either Abel or Ben when they were first born, that he hadn't been there for either of them.

"You'll be there for the next one." Placing one hand above his head she leaned over him. "If I have to drag your pretty ass out of trouble myself to make sure of it."

Reaching out, Jax twirled a lock of her hair around his finger. "That a promise, baby." Giving her hair a tug, he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Mmm," Was all Tara managed by way of response as she lost herself in the kiss.

Jax had to admit one of his favorite things was Tara surrendering her mouth to his. It was just this subtle shift, her head would tilt back into his hands allowing him to guide her into whatever position he wanted. And then she'd just open up for him. Whimpering when his teeth sank into her lips, moaning when his tongue drove deep for her taste, and sighing when he soothed with gentle pecks. It was in those moments that he knew, without a doubt, that every part of her was his. And as he realized days ago, months really, he wanted every part of her to be his for as long as there was breath in his body.

"Hey," Framing her hips in his hands, he shifted her back onto his thighs so that he could move into a sitting position. Things, as they tended to between them, were going heat up quickly. But there was something he needed to say to her first. "You're serious about dragging my ass out of trouble, aren't you?"

Tara's legs locked around his waist. "I am." Shifting forward, she nipped gently at his lips. "The boys and I, we need you here."

Those were the words he'd been wanting to hear since he got out. Shit, since she returned to Charming. Fisting his hands in her hair, he tilted her head back so that he could look in her eyes. "You know I love you."

"I know, baby."

"No...I really love you." The depth of it surprised even him. He loved her in a way he didn't fully understand himself. "I just…I love the fuck out of you Tara. I've never loved anyone else."

"I know." Tara repeated, her fingers trailing lightly through his beard. "I love you, too. In exactly the same way."

"Yeah." Jax nodded, seeing the truth of it in her eyes. "The way I figure it, we've loved each other since we were sixteen, probably before. And nothing's been able to change that. Kohn, Wendy, my mother-"

"Us."

"I guess we did do our fair share of damage. But none of that shit matters." His eyes became serious as they studied her face. Lips swollen, cheeks flushed, and eyes dark. The only face he saw, the only one that ever mattered. "Shit, the way I see it, you and me, babe…we're pretty much it for each other."

Tara took a shuddering breath, fingers tangling in his hair. "What are you saying, Jax?"

"I'm saying I want you to marry me. I want-" But whatever he was going to say next was cut off by Tara's mouth on his. And he felt more than heard her reply.

* * *

The next morning Jax followed Tara into town but when she pulled into the garage he continued on. He thought about the way he felt when Abel was taken, how he felt bad in a way he never knew was possible. The only way he could describe the way he felt now was the exact opposite of that. He was happy, happier than he'd ever been before, happier than he'd known he could be.

It was ridiculous how much easier he'd been able to breathe now. How light he felt watching Tara with the boys now that there were no secrets between them. There was no churning in his gut, no nagging thought that it could all be taken from him. Fuck, he didn't know it was possible to feel this way.

He only had few stops to make and made quick work of those before he was back on his bike and heading towards the garage. He hadn't been able to talk her into taking a personal day, but with all the vacation time she had in the little time he'd been home, he couldn't really blame her. But she didn't have to go in for a couple hours and it gave him more than enough time to do what he needed.

All the bikes were lined up, his mother and Tara's SUV were parked, but the lot was empty. Which meant everyone was in the clubhouse. More importantly, parked at the end of the line of bikes was one he'd come to recognize. It took him a moment to work through the anger, his initial reaction to march into the clubhouse, snatch up the Irish and raise all holy hell. But he knew that wasn't the way to play it. The Irish would be dealt with soon, but right now he wasn't important.

Smirk firmly in place, Jax continued into the clubhouse.

"Da! Da!"

"There's my boy." Before Abel could collide with his legs, Jax lifted him up in his arms. "You wanna help your old man, huh? Wanna surprise Momma?" As usual 'Momma' was the magic word. With an ear to ear grin, Abel nodded eagerly. "Alright, you hold this. And don't put it in your mouth." And his son grinned like that was exactly what he was planning on doing. "We're gonna give that to Momma."

"What are you two plotting over there?" Gemma demanded.

"You'll see." Jax shot his mother a grin as he crossed the room to where Tara was standing with Opie and Juice, Ben happily twisting her hair in his hands. "Boys, I need a minute alone with my Old Lady."

"Any more alone time and she'll be pregnant again." Opie mumbled, but left them alone. At least as alone as they could be in the clubhouse.

"Let me take him." Bending his knees a bit, Jax lifted Ben from her arms easily. "Still got time?"

"A little, why?" Because his arms were full, Tara gripped at his shirt.

"My Momma." Abel interrupted before Jax could answer. "Here Momma." He held out one tiny fist to her.

"Thank you, baby." Tara absently held her hand out, clearly thinking Abel was playing a game. But when the object Abel held was dropped into her hand Jax watched as confusion, shock, then understanding registered on her face. "Jax?"

"Hey, kid." Jax juggled Abel in his arms a bit. "Wanna be the best man in your mom and dad's wedding? What'dya say, gonna stand up for your old man?" Grin still firmly in place he glanced over at Tara. She was still holding the ring. It was a simple ring, the lady at the jewelry store said something about a princess cut and he still didn't know what the fuck that meant, and once he told her price didn't matter she tried to talk him into something bigger. Or something with a shit ton of diamonds. But that wasn't Tara, so he went with the single diamond on a white gold band. It was perfect. It was Tara. "What? Don't tell me you don't like it."

"No," Tara shook her head, confusion gone and smile blooming beautifully across her face. "No. I love it. I really love it."

"Then put it on."

"I told you I didn't need a ring."

"Maybe I do. Let everyone know my Old Lady is way off the fucking market."

Tara moved until she was pressed in close to his chest, both boys reaching out for her. Abel's arms locked around her neck, Ben's hands once again tangling in her hair. "As far as a lot of people around here are concerned, I've been off the market since I was sixteen."

"Now it's official." He whispered the words against her mouth, but with his arms full she was the one who deepened the kiss or at least pretended to. Her tongue flicked out to tease his, only to draw back quickly. Teeth nipping at his bottom lip, sucking it gently between hers. When he tried to return the favor she changed directions to the corner of his mouth. "Put the ring on."

"You really wanna see me with this ring on."

"That ring, pair of little black panties with my name on them, and nothing else."

"Maybe tonight I can arrange that for you." Pulling away slightly, Tara slid the ring on. Bringing her hand up between them she wiggled her fingers a bit. "Happy?"

To show just how much, Jax leaned in to kiss her again. Only he was beat there by Abel.

"The kid's timing is killing me."

"He's been taught by the best. I should get going." With a quick kiss to all three of her boys, Tara started back out of the clubhouse. "Neeta will be here in about an hour." She held up a hand to wave to everyone.

"Hold it right there, Doc." Gemma's tone was commanding as she practically jumped off her stool at the bar. "What's that on your finger?" But she was already across the room and holding up Tara's hands. "Jackson, something you wanna tell us?"

"Other than Tara deciding to make an honest man outta me last night." And that was all he had to say as everyone was on their feet. Because he had the boys he was subject to a few hardy pats on the back. Tara however had been lifted off her feet and into a hug by Opie. Several moments and bear hugs later, she was set on her feet again by Clay.

"As fun as that was, boys, I have to get to work."

"Work? Tara you just got engaged, there's a lot of planning we have to do." Gemma was practically beaming and Jax started to feel sorry for Tara. Also a little for himself. Gemma was going to drive Tara absolutely fucking crazy before it was all said and done.

"Fuck that," Clay waved it off. "Plan later. When are you off next, Doc?"

There was a flicker of confusion on Tara's face and maybe just a hint of fear. "I'm off Thursday and Friday. Why?"

"Well Wednesday night, you have Neeta work late." Clay grinned wide. "SAMCRO is throwing their first engagement party."


	19. Chapter 19

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**Again a big thanks to Eve for being my second set of eyes on this.**

**Chapter 19**

That night Gemma decided to have a family dinner, a quiet counter balance to the party Clay was throwing at the clubhouse, under the umbrella of celebrating the engagement as well as Tara adopting Abel. Gemma and Bobby were in the kitchen, while the rest of the club sat around the living room.

"I can't believe she agreed to marry the likes of you." Chibs was on the floor playing, or better yet getting his ass kicked in, Monopoly. "It's a waste."

Kerrianne gave a dreamy smile as she raked in more money from her father. "Tara told me that she and Jax have been together since they were teenagers. Now they have two beautiful boys and are getting married. I think it's romantic."

Chibs shook his head as he directed his boot towards boardwalk and forked over more money to Ellie. "She could do so much better. Like a nice young doctor."

"Or deputy mayor." Opie put in smoothly, earning a scathing look from his best friend.

"Oh, no not that twat. But there has to be somebody else good enough for our dear heart."

"Doesn't matter that she can do better." Clay put in as he bounced Ben on his knee. "She's ours now and we're not giving her back."

"Besides," Juice spoke up in Jax's defense. "Obviously the Doc didn't want better. She wanted Jax."

Jax frowned, recognizing the insult even if Juice didn't. "Thanks a fucking lot."

"Come on, kid." Piney sat back on the couch, clearly enjoying everyone throwing shit at Jax. "I think it goes without saying that she can do better."

"A lot fucking better." Kozik agreed.

"Fuck every last one of you." He stood up from the chair as Abel ran crying out of the kitchen. The toddler flung himself at Jax's legs, clinging tightly with one arm while pointing accusingly back toward the kitchen with the other. "What's going on kid?"

"Nan's mean to me."

Jax lifted Abel into his arms. "Ma, what the fuck did you do to my kid?"

Gemma stood in the entry way, hands resting defensively on her hips. "I didn't do anything. That boy is spoiled as shit and that's Tara's fault."

"What's my fault?"

At the sound of Tara's voice, Abel let out a loud excited squeal. "Momma!" Scrambling down out of Jax's arms, tears gone as though they never existed, he shot across the room. "My Momma! My Momma!"

With a large grin Tara lifted him into her arms. "Hi, baby."

Knowing exactly where her next stop would be, Jax went and lifted Ben out of Clay's arms. Already, Ben was reaching out his arms towards Tara giving a squeal of happiness when she started their way.

"There's my other baby." Leaning forward Tara kissed Ben's cheek, only to receive a wet open mouth kiss in return. "Thank you." Laughing she leaned in for another.

"Hey," Jax wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close for a kiss of his own.

"Jesus, do the three of you even let her fucking breathe." Clay demanded. But Jax figured he was just pissy about having his grandson taken from him. Clay seemed to be relishing his role as granddad more now than he did before.

Still didn't stop Jax from keeping Tara close and ignoring his step-father altogether. "Running late."

"I know. Got here as fast as I could." Stepping back, Tara sat Abel on his feet. "Didn't even have time to shower. So, Clay can I-"

"Go ahead, Doc."

With a wide grin Jax started hand Ben back to Clay. "Let's go shower."

"_I'm_ going to shower. You're staying here." When she tried to walk away, Abel began to tug on the hem of her scrub top.

"Up, Momma. I wanna go."

"You wanna take a shower with me?" Tara lifted Abel up again. "Come on."

As they started away, Jax recognized the smug, self-satisfied smirk on his son's face.

With a wide grin Clay brought a bottle of beer to his lips. "Blocked by your own kid. It's fucking poetic."

Thirty minutes later, bare foot and dressed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, Tara came from the back of the house with Abel on her hip and her cell at her ear. "Well, I really don't think there's much I can do by coming over. If you're really concerned you can always go to the ER. There shouldn't be much of a wait, but I could still call ahead for you, make sure someone sees you right away. Alright. Okay. Bye, Aiden."

Jax shook his head. He didn't know what the fuck Irish's issue was. If the guy really had some kind of death wish or was just this fucking stupid. But Jax was done playing games with him, done holding back.

"Everything okay." Gemma asked cautiously.

Tara shrugged as she sat Abel in Jax's lap. At the head of the table, Ben began to reach out for her. "Yeah. Aiden's not feeling well." Lifting Ben out of Clay's arms, she finally took the seat next to Jax's.

"What's wrong with him." And Jax felt he did a good job not biting words out.

"Um, from the symptoms he described, the Plague." Tara rolled her eyes.

"So if you knew he was faking why'd you send him to the ER?" Juice asked.

"For the psych eval they'll give him if he repeats those symptoms to someone else. Aiden over reacts to a hang nail, he needs to get over that."

"Aiden needs to get over you." Opie mumbled but Tara only shook her head.

"It has nothing to do with me. He's in a pissing contest with Jax."

And suddenly her behavior with Aiden made sense. She'd been dismissive, because she'd been sure that his behavior had nothing to do with her.

"Tara," Kozik began as if Tara was a slightly dimwitted child. "Him fucking the one croweater that looks like you and calling her by your name during a blowjob has fuck all to do with Jax. That Irish prick has a thing for you."

At this Chibs reached over and slapped Kozik in the back of the head while Tara's expression wavered somewhere between shock and disgust before finally landing on disgust.

"Christ," Bobby gave an exasperated sigh. "I thought it went without saying that we wouldn't let the Doc know about that."

"There's a croweater that looks like me." The disgust was still in her eyes as she glanced at the faces of everyone at the table.

"She doesn't look like you." Jax explained, not sure how she missed the part about Aiden fucking a woman as a stand in for her. "She just has dark hair."

"Uh, Jackie." Chibs gave an almost sheepish shrug. "She does actually kind of look like our dear heart."

Jax started to argue but he noticed the way more than a few people at the table nodded in agreement. But he only shook his head, figuring of all of them he'd be the best judge of some croweater looking like his Old Lady. He couldn't think of one woman at the club who looked like Tara. And could only figure they were talking about some woman he'd never seen. "Who are you all talking about?"

"Missy or Minnie, I don't know." Opie gave an indifferent shrug. "The Irish is always with her."

Knowing exactly who he was talking about, Jax nodded. "She has dark hair, but she doesn't look like Tara."

"You've blinders on, Jackie-boy."

"Gotta admit." Tig rubbed a hand over his chin in thought. "I don't see the resemblance either. Dark hair, pale skin but that's it. She don't look a thing like our Doc."

"Have any of you been with her?" Tara asked cautiously.

"I haven't."

"Me either."

Tara gave Opie and Clay a bland look. "I already knew that." She turned to Kozik, Tig, and Bobby who all shook their head no.

Juice however was suspiciously quiet, head down as if that would keep everyone from seeing him. But he must of felt the weight of their stares as he lifted his head, looked everywhere but at Tara and Jax.

"It was just the one time." Juice began quickly. "The first night we got out, I was kinda fucked up that night. I didn't realize until the next morning."

"I want her gone."

Jax had been thinking along the same lines, even if he still didn't see the resemblance between this woman and Tara as everyone else had. But he was shocked that the demand came from Tara. It wasn't like her to make demands of him when it came to the club, she had even less to say about the women who hung around. That she would now went a long way to just how bothered she was by this.

"Don't worry, babe." Jax gave her a reassuring smile. "It'll be taken care of." He watched as she toyed with the food on her plate, her mind was working over time. "What?"

"Aiden?"

Reaching out Jax took her hand and brought it to his lips. "We're taking care of him, too."

* * *

The morning of the party, Tara had been up and gone by the time Jax rolled over, something he didn't particularly appreciate considering how late she'd gotten in the night before. She'd been distracted, a little scattered, and completely exhausted. He handled the boys, giving them both a bath while Tara showered. The hope had been to finish the boys quickly so that he could join her. But by the time he had Abel and Ben lotioned, powered, and dressed in their pajamas, Tara was face down across the bed with a towel still wrapped around her.

He planned on talking to her before she left for work this morning. Wanting to make sure she wasn't overworking herself again. But he had a feeling work was only part of it. Even with Lyla and Opie's wedding barring down on them, Gemma was already hounding Tara about planning theirs. He knew his mother was just excited, but he needed her to back off. Tara had already tossed out the idea of just going off with the boys and having a quiet ceremony somewhere away from Charming. If Gemma pressed any harder, she'd be dead set on eloping. And Jax did not want to face the shit storm his mother would conjure if they did that.

By the time he got to the clubhouse Vegas and Joliette had already rolled in. Tacoma, Indian Hills, and the Nomads were expected throughout the day. The van was parked close to the door and Jax could see the cases of liquor stacked inside. Old Ladies and croweaters were rushing about, his mother standing in the middle of the chaos giving orders like a seasoned general. It was clear she was in her element.

"Hey, Ma." Throwing an arm around her shoulders, he leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek. "It's pretty busy."

"You and Tara getting married is a big deal. This is nothing compared to what the wedding will be like."

"Yeah," Jax stretched the word out as he gave his beard a tug. "About that. I'm going to need you to lay off Tara."

"Lay off Tara?" Gemma turned to him with a confused frown. "About what?"

"The wedding. She agreed to marry me a few days ago, we haven't talked about anything-date, place, shit like that-she doesn't need you crawling up her ass about flowers or whatever else already."

"It's never too soon to start planning, Jax. And with Tara's schedule I have to get her when I can."

Seeing that she was getting worked up and not wanting to deal with a fight, Jax held up his hands in surrender. "I know, alright. But you know, let Opie and Lyla get married first. Give me and Tara time to decide when we want to do this." And Jax surprised even himself at realizing he wanted to make the decision with Tara. Wanted to be a part of deciding when they got married. "Just give us a minute to get use to this."

"Alright." But Gemma didn't seem too happy about it. "I'll back off."

* * *

Clay kept things cool for the rest of the day. Though he couldn't help but to gloat about Hale's plans for the fairgrounds falling through. Going into a long drawn out tale with the visiting members about how "his daughter in law, the surgeon"- a phrase he said a thousand times if he said it once-convinced the town and the council not to develop the land. Jax tried not to let it bother him, but he couldn't help but see the way Clay's mind worked. See that his step-father would want to use Tara more and more. He wouldn't say anything today, but eventually he was going to tell Clay that that shit wasn't an option.

It had been that look in Clay's eye that had Jax spending his day looking for and researching more ways for the club to earn straight, while everyone else had gone up to Caracara. He didn't want the club pulling Tara in deeper, didn't want anyone thinking of her as an option to get things done. He'd taken Opie with him, they spoke to Unser and Oswald. Took the leads they gave them and went to look at a few ventures they could run easily enough. By the time they got back to the garage he had a few ideas, nothing that would earn as much as guns. He knew breaking off with the Irish would not be easy. But he was ready to dig in for a slow and steady process.

By the time Jax got back to the garage Neeta had already dropped the boys off. He had wanted to spend a few hours with them and it gave Neeta a few hours to herself before keeping them again tonight. He was barely off his bike when his cell rang.

"Hello."

"Hey," Tara's voice was a bit breathless, he could tell she was rushing through the hospital. "I need a favor. I tried calling your mother, Lyla, Fiona, and Kerrianne."

"Couldn't get them so you called me. Good to know I at least fall in the top five on your emergency contact list."

"Hey, bro." Opie called even though his attention was focused on his cell. "Is that Tara? Tell her I just saw that she called. Wasn't ducking her or anything."

Jax stopped all forward movement. "Are you shitting me? You called Opie before you called me."

"I thought maybe he was at the store with Lyla. You're my first call baby, always."

"Better be." He continued into the clubhouse, the women were starting the food prep. And he realized none of them had heard Tara's calls because she likely called while they were transporting the food from his mother's house to the clubhouse. "Now what do you need?"

"Um, is Gemma, Lyla, Fiona, or Kerrianne anywhere near you."

As if she heard her name, Gemma glanced over, Abel was on her hip. Ben was across the room clearly enjoying the attention heaped on him by Kerrianne and Lyla. "That your Old Lady."

"Yeah." But he ignored the hand she held out for his phone. "What do you need with them that you can't ask me for?"

"I'm going to take over a surgery for Dr. Nameed, so I'll probably be late for the party. Instead of going home I figure it'd be better if I shower at the clubhouse. Hold on." She began talking to someone with her at the hospital. To him it was like she was speaking in code as every other word was some type of medical jargon that flew right over his head. "Okay. Anyway, I need someone to go by the house and pick up my things. I love you, baby, but I don't trust you to pick out my clothes."

"Why not?"

"Left to you I wouldn't be in anything but a pair of panties and one of your shirts."

Jax grinned because it was nothing less than the truth. "I wouldn't let you walk around like that with all the guys here."

"Just means you'd keep me in the back all night."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. Here's my mom." Handing his mother his phone he took Abel into his arms

"Hey," Gemma began, Jax doubted Tara even had a chance to speak. "I want you to come straight back here after work. The boys see you and you'll never get here." There was a pause. "Good. I'll send Lyla and Kerrianne. Okay, I'll see you later, baby."

Jax reached for the phone, but Gemma clicked it shut. "She had to go. Lyla, Kerrianne. I need you to go by Jax's and get Tara's clothes."

"Okay," Kerrianne passed Ben into her arms. "Did she say what she wanted?"

"No." Gemma tapped her fingers gently against Ben's arm. "Grab that sundress she bought a few weeks ago, a pair of sandals, jewelry."

"Hey," Jax caught Lyla's arm, started to pull her aside but she merely shook her head.

"Don't worry, Jax. I know exactly what it is you want me to grab."

* * *

"So, I don't know what time Tara and I will be home."

"Don't worry about it." Neeta assured Jax as she finished strapping the boys into their car seats and walking around to the driver's side door. "I was wondering when the two of you were finally going to make it official. Two beautiful boys, beautiful house, you should be married."

"She just took some convincing."

"Mmhm. Well, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Neeta." Jax closed the door for her. "Tara's suppose to be coming straight here from work. If she stops by the house first, boot her out."

"Sure thing, sweetie."

"Thanks. Bye, boys." Jax watched as Neeta pulled out of the lot, but when he turned to start back towards the garage his good mood dimmed considerably.

"Jackson." Aiden was going for contrition, but Jax could already see that whatever half-ass apology he was about to give he wouldn't mean a fucking word of it. "What I said about Trini…I'm sorry if I caused any trouble between you and Tara. I just thought she knew."

Like fuck you did, Jax thought. But he managed to keep the easy grin on his face despite the strong urge he had to knock the grin right off the Irishman's fucking face. "No trouble. She's marrying me, right?"

"Aye. If you don't mind me saying, Jackson."

"Not like it's stopped you before."

"That's true enough. She's too good for the likes of you, too good for me to, I guess. But you leave a woman like that alone for fourteen months, can't be surprised when another fella get's ideas."

"You done." But Jax didn't wait for him to answer. Just wanted to say his peace and be done with Aiden. "You're going to apologize to _my_ Old Lady. You hurt her and you disrespected her, that shit's not gonna happen again." Tara had been down right pissed about the croweater. She didn't like Aiden using some woman as a stand in for her. Didn't like him parading that woman around the clubhouse so that others clearly knew that when he was with her, he was thinking of Tara. She thought it was bad enough that any of the boys could be with a woman that looked like her. It made her sick that Aiden was taking it just that one step further. "We clear."

The corner's of Aiden's mouth curled in a smirk. "It's good we've had this talk, Jackson."

"Are you fucking serious?" Kozik demanded as he came up behind Jax, the rest of the boys right behind him. "You just going to let that fuck walk away."

"Jax, come on, man." Tig was practically vibrating with repressed violence. "We can drag his ass in the garage, leave him chained up there to deal with after the party."

"Naw," Jax turned so he could face his club, he could hear Aiden's bike start up behind him. "He thinks he got away with something. Thinks he got me fucking beat."

"Which means it's only gonna hurt all the more when we knock the shit out of him." Bobby concluded.

"In the chapel," Clay glanced casually around the lot. "We need to discuss the best way to deal with the Irish."

* * *

It turned out that he had to get to Caracara anyway. Ima, probably still smarting from his dismissal, had decided today was a good day to act like an asshole. When he got to the warehouse, Chibs let him know that she probably knew about the party and therefore the engagement. But Jax didn't give a shit about what she knew or how hurt her feelings may have been.

Instead he made it painfully, maybe even brutally clear, that he wasn't going to tolerate her shit. Let her know that she could show her ass all she wanted but he wasn't going to rush up there every time she acted like a fucking idiot. And if she or anyone else had a problem with the way things were ran they could find employment somewhere else.

The ride back to the clubhouse went a long way to cool him off. And by the time he arrived back and saw the Cutlass, he'd forgotten all about Ima.

"Jax!"

He was just barely off his bike before he was swept up in an almost painful hug. "Uncle Jury! Glad you could make it."

"Please. After you filed with Wendy, you swore you'd never get married again. I had to come meet the woman who made you change your mind. The high school sweetheart, right?"

"Tara." Jax gave a proud grin. "She should be around here somewhere, come on, I'll introduce you." He moved through the crowded lot, getting stopped and congratulated every few steps. And every time he stopped he was asked where Tara was. His standard answer was 'somewhere around here' when the truth was he had no fucking clue. Granted there was a lot of people but he didn't know why he couldn't find her anywhere. It wasn't until he finally pushed his way through to the clubhouse and came across Happy that he was able to locate Tara.

"She got here awhile ago. Ran right back to the shower."

"Thanks man." Jax turned to Jury. "Hang around I'll go get her for you." Starting forward and directly towards the back, he was stopped by Clay, who caught him around the shoulders.

"Hey, why don't you let her shower alone for once."

"I'm not going to join her." And he wasn't, at least he didn't think he could talk her into it. But he did want a few minutes alone with her. "A lot of people here haven't met her yet."

"Right." Clay gave his shoulder a pat to get him moving in the opposite direction. "And you wonder where your boys get it from. Be careful when he introduces you." He angled his head as he addressed Jury. "Teller's are a little possessive."

"Not possessive. Just can't be too careful." Jax's gaze hardened as it settled on Aiden who was at the pool table with a couple of the guys from Vegas.

"Yeah," Jury patted his back. "About your little problem. My guys voted, we're ready whenever you want to bring it to the table.

"Thanks, Jury." He was ready to get rid of Aiden tonight, wanted him gone yesterday, but a lesson had to be learned first. He turned towards the bar when he noticed Juice, Bobby, Tig, and Kozik coming out of the back. Curious as to what the four of them could have been doing Jax headed that way when Tara came out behind them.

He couldn't recall ever seeing her quite like this. The dress-sundress-she wore was a dark blue hinting towards purple and fell loosely to her ankles. Her hair was kind of a mess of tussled waves that he couldn't wait to bury his fingers in. She looked almost out of place, more suited to be barefoot on a beach not in bar full of drunken bikers. She looked exactly like the life he wanted for their boys.

Moving away from Jury and Clay, he pushed through the crowd, not allowing himself to be stopped until he could take her in his arms.

"Hey, I-"

Whatever else she was going to say was lost against his lips. Fingers tangled in her hair, he swallowed her soft surprised moan. Tongue teasing as it slid along hers, lips gentle when he changed the angle of the kiss, and his teeth unforgiving as they sank into her bottom lip. His hands left her hair, only to race down her back to cup her ass, pulling her close so she could feel how hard he was for her. Already he could imagine bunching the dress up around her waist as he drove himself into her.

Desperate he began to push her back. He just needed to get up the hall, up the short hall and around the corner. Once he was around the corner, where he was sure no one could see them, he could have her. All he had to do was get her away from everyone else, push her dress up, pull his zipper down, and bury himself to the hilt inside of her.

Jax didn't know how close or far away from the hall they were, his legs were just barely doing what he wanted when Tara drew slowly away from the kiss. He saw her now through a thick haze of lust. Her hair was a little wilder from his fingers, her lips swollen, eyes dark, and her cheeks flushed. He wanted her so bad he thought he'd actually explode. And suddenly her hands were on his face, fingers brushing softly through his beard.

"As nice as that was, we have an audience."

"Which is why I was trying to get you to the back." He closed the distance between them again, so that his lips brushed hers as they spoke.

"That's enough." Clay pulled Jax away and wrapped an arm around Tara's shoulders to pull her closer. "Jury, meet my daughter in law, Dr. Tara Knowles."

Jury's eyes widened in surprise. "Doctor?" He turned to Jax, disbelief clear on his face. "How in the hell did you manage to land a doctor?"

Tig had made his way over, handed Tara a beer before giving Jury a one armed hug. "He knocked her up."

"Fuck you." Jax tossed out to both of them.

"Dr. Knowles." Jury took her hand, pulling her in for a hug and kiss. "I'm sorry, Dr. Teller."

"Knowles." Tara corrected and drew the attention of everyone around her, including Gemma who rushed over like she had just called off the engagement.

As everyone was looking at him, Jax did his best not to let his annoyance show. "You're going to keep your name. Have a different last name than me and the boys?"

"When the hell did you decide this?" Gemma demanded.

"When I was sixteen, scribbled Tara Teller on my notebook, and realized how it sounded."

"Why don't you, uh, you know hyphenate? Like Gemma." Clay suggested.

"Dr. Tara Knowles-Teller?" She turned her head slightly as Opie came up behind her, whispered something in her ear. "It's a bit much." Opie's hand was on her waist, gave her an encouraging nudge. "I'll be right back."

Jax's eyes went to the hand his best friend still had on Tara. The way his fingers drummed impatiently on her hip to get her moving. Maybe it was the lust still coursing through his system, his anger at not being able to have her when he wanted her, but he really needed Opie to take his hand the fuck off his Old Lady. "Where are you going?"

Reaching out she gave him an absent pat on the chest. "It's a surprise." Jax didn't let her get away, placing a hand over the one on his chest he pulled her close. But Tara merely grinned, leaned in to kiss him on the mouth. "Be back in a minute."

But two hours later, Jax was only catching glimpses of Tara. It seemed she was making her way through the party, always accompanied by a member of SAMCRO. Many members from the visiting charters approached him, congratulating him, and voicing their approval of his choice. At one point he saw her with Aiden and immediately grew suspicious.

"Hey," Jax caught Bobby. "What's going on?"

Bobby was the picture of innocence, which was all the proof Jax needed to know he was anything but. "What do you mean?"

"Don't fuck with me. Tara's up to something and she's got everyone helping her."

"Listen, this is the Doc's deal. You gotta trust her, brother."

"I don't want her dealing with Aiden."

Placing a hand on Jax's chest, Bobby stopped him before he could get really worked up. "Normally she wouldn't. But you gotta realize, brother, the Irish didn't just disrespect you and Tara. He humiliated her, she has to be a part of this."

"Fuck." As much as he didn't like it, Jax understood. He wanted her out of all club activity, definitely didn't want her plotting with his brothers. But she had to do this. "Alright."

Bobby clearly realize how much he didn't like it. "This is nothing that'll hurt her. We wouldn't let that happen."

Jax nodded, reminded himself that his brothers did love Tara and they wouldn't let anything hapen to her. Still, he didn't like not knowing what was going on. "Do me a favor, clear out the clubhouse. I need a little time alone with Tara."

Bobby nodded. "Sure thing, brother."


	20. Chapter 20

**I disclaim. I own nothing**

**Chapter 20**

"Hey,"

Jax grinned when Tara stepped into the chapel. "If it isn't the belle of the ball."

Tara leaned back against the door. "Belle of the biker ball."

Pushing the chair back from the head of the table, Jax patted his lap. "Come 'ere."

There was a tug at the corners of her mouth, the look in her eyes more knowing then the innocent smile on her lips would suggest. She moved towards him slowly, taking the long way around the table so that she came up from behind him, fingers trailing over his shoulders as she moved to stand in front of him. When she started to lower herself so that she sat across her lap, Jax grabbed her hips maneuvering her until she straddled his thighs.

Tara seemed a bit weary, not fully relaxing. "I don't trust this."

Planting his feet, he sank down in the chair. "I got you, babe. Trust me." When she relaxed, he rested his head on the back of the chair to smile up at her. "Did I tell you how fucking hot you look tonight?"

She began to tug the hem of her dress up so that she could press closer to him. Her hips beginning a slow, torturous rocking motion. "Kinda didn't have to."

His hands went to her knees, moving slowly up her legs. "Never seen this before. Is it new?"

"Not really. Bought it awhile ago, never had any place to wear it." Her fingers absently toyed with the patches on his cut. "I'm willing to bet your mother had something to do with me wearing it now."

"You'd be right." His knuckles brushed lightly over the insides of her thighs, he started to move higher but Tara pushed his hands back to her knees. "But what's under here-if Lyla got the right ones-were my idea." His finger danced back up her thighs, causing her to shudder. "Are they the right ones?"

"Don't know. Which ones did you ask her for?"

Instead of answering Jax leaned in close to take her mouth in a kiss, but was only met with air as Tara pulled back. "What?"

"You didn't answer the question. Which ones did you ask her for?"

"Let me think." Jax leaned back in the chair again, loving the playful light in her eyes and the subtle way she continued to move her hips, going out of her way to make it difficult for him to think. "Which ones haven't I ripped off, yet? The black pair with my name?"

"Gone first."

"That's right." He grinned slowly. "That was a good night. What about the red pair with my name? Those gone?"

"To pieces. Along with the pair with the crow and the pair with the reaper."

"What about the little black pair you promised me you had, but never got around to showing me." As he watched she gave a shrug of confusion. "You know, just like the other pair." Now he started to pushed her dress higher, exposing more of her thighs to him. "Only this pair has 'property of' on them."

Tara took his hands, laced her fingers through his. "I told you I had a pair like that?"

"You did."

"But that would imply that this," She lowered their hands, not stopping until they were under her dress and pressed against her. "Belongs to you."

Jax nodded, absently thrusting his hips up into their joined hands. "Yes it would. Now show me."

She slipped her hands from his to gather up the hem of her dress. Her lips curved slowly, seductively as she lifted the dress higher. And Jax couldn't stop the lustful moan from escaping when her panties were revealed.

"Property of Jax Teller." He read, voice low and thick. Gripping her hips he pulled her closer, encouraging her to grind against his rapidly hardening dick. "That implies that this," He moved his hand so that his thumb barely brushed over her. "Belongs to me.

Tara lowered her mouth to his. Kissing him hard, frantically, moaning into his mouth. Jax hands went to his belt, struggling to free himself, when she started to move off his lap.

"Uh-uh." One had went back to her hip to keep her in place. "Where are you going?"

"Let's go in the back."

Jax shook his head, giving his belt a rough tug breaking the buckle in his desperation. "I'm not going to make it to the back. I'm not going to make it to the fucking wall."

"Can we do this here?"

Grabbing her hands, he placed them at the button of his jeans, encouraging her to free his cock so that he could drive his hands into her hair. "We're going to."

That seemed to be all she needed as her hands-always so sure and steady-made quick work of his fly before her hand was inside his boxers, taking him in a firm grip. She began to pump him slowly, twisting her wrist, just the way he liked.

"Take me out." He murmured against her lips. One hand dipping between her thighs to tug her panties to the side. "Put me inside you, baby. Come on."

Though she did free him from his boxers, she seemed in no rush to follow the rest of his instructions. Instead taking just the head of his dick and running it along her opening and clit. She was working herself up to a damn near frenzy, her hips moving faster, more erratically. Jax knew she was close to coming, knew she was going to get there long before him, but he wanted to be inside her when she did. Wanted to feel the clenching of her walls around him. Tightening his hold on her, he shifted her hips forward, driving himself inside her with a desperate force. And she was coming almost immediately.

Jax locked his arms around her waist, holding her close as he drove himself into her. Tara's hips continued to work, her mouth stayed frantic on his. But it wasn't enough. He felt he wasn't close enough, deep enough. He needed more of her, all of her. Breaking off the kiss, he buried his face in her neck hunching his body in a way that he thought would bring him closer. Tara's arms locked around his neck, her thighs tightening on his waist, and still it wasn't enough.

"Fuck," Jax lunged to his feet. Moving so quickly he sent the chair flying back into the wall. He placed her on the table, sighing in relief when her arms and legs locked tight around him properly. "Tara…you feel so good. So fucking good." His mouth moved over her shoulders to the top of her breasts. His hands went to the back of her dress, to pull the zipper down. And he didn't know how she did it, but she had his shirt completely unbuttoned by the time he had her dress loose enough to take more of her breast in his mouth.

Tara's back arched, almost as if she were offering herself up to him. She was just so fucking perfect. Her breasts spilling over the top of the dress, her neck arched so that her hair was spread out on the table behind her. And her eyes impossibly green and unfocused. "I love you, Tara. I love you."

"I love you." Her hands slid up his back to hook around his shoulders, pulling him close until their bare chests were pressed together.

With her pressed so close, Jax couldn't help but to burrow into her. One arm wrapping around her back the other going to her ass to bring her closer still. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, working the skin there with his lips and teeth and tongue. She was going to have a mark and she was going to be pissed when she saw it. But at the moment Jax really didn't care. Her mouth was at his ear, softly breathing his name so that his hips snapped with every thrust into her.

"Is it mine, Tara?" His words were soft, so soft he wondered if she even heard him. He wanted her answer to be just for him. Not about the club or Aiden or any other asshole who thought he could take her from him. This wasn't about proving a point. This was about knowing that every part of her was his. As he swore to give every part of himself to her. "Tell me."

Tara pulled back, gaze locking with his. And for a few moments she said nothing, simply watched him. Until finally her lips curled slightly and she rested her brow against his. "Yours, baby. All yours."

* * *

"God your face is a dead giveaway."

Jax knew there was an obnoxiously pleased grin on his face, odds were nothing short of an act of God would remove it. And watching as she attempted to straighten her dress and comb her fingers through her hair, the grin only became more prominent.

Tara gave her hair one more pass with her fingers. "Okay, how do I look."

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Jax pulled her in to his chest. "Beautifully fucked."

"Such a sweet talker." Tara gave him a quick kiss on the lips before moving out of his arms and grabbing his cut.

"You know it, baby." He nipped lightly at her bottom lip. "Come on." Taking her hand, he lead her out of the chapel, through the clubhouse, and out to the lot.

It looked to Jax as though the lot was fuller now than it had been when he first arrived. There was a fight taking place in the ring, Jax thought he recognized one of the guys from Indian Hills but he was drawing a blank on the other.

"It may shock you to learn that this is exactly how I imagined my engagement party when I was a little girl."

Throwing his arm around her shoulders and placing a kiss on her temple, Jax accepted her sarcasm for what it was.

Bobby was the first to see them, a knowing grin spreading across his face as he approached. "Garage door's open, brother."

Jax glanced down. "Shit." Tara turned in his arms, burying her face in his neck as she lowered her hands between them. Just over her shoulder Jax caught sight of Aiden and his pleased grin became cocky as Tara lifted his zipper. He kept his eyes on Aiden as he swept Tara's hair off her neck, exposing large mark he made. "Thanks, babe." He murmured the words softly against his ear.

"Your welcome." She kissed his cheek. "Now, I need to talk to Bobby. Go watch the fight."

When they walked away, Jax considered his options and only gave the ring a passing glance before heading in the opposite direction.

"You got that look in your eye, brother."

Jax glanced over as Opie fell into step beside him. "Just going to have a bit of fun."

"Yeah that's the look." Opie held out a beer for him. "Also look like you just had a bit of fun."

Instead of answering, Jax reached out and punched Opie on the arm.

"Jackson," Aiden's jaw was clenching and unclenching. "SAMCRO engagement party. Never thought I'd see it."

"Prince is getting married." Opie offered with a shrug as he and Jax flanked the Irish.

Aiden cut Jax a look out of the corner of his eyes. "Again."

"You don't sound happy, Aiden." Jax lazily lifted his bottle of beer to his lips.

"Could be doing better."

Jax followed Aiden's gaze to where Tara was now talking with Lyla. And he wondered exactly when the hell she lost Bobby.

"You boys haven't seen Megan around have you?"

"Megan." Opie snapped his fingers as he finally connected the name to the croweater. "That's her fucking name."

"Sorry, bro. But your girl, Megan." Jax turned to Aiden daring him to say the wrong thing. "She's gone." All he needed was one reason, one good reason, to knock the fuck out of the Irish.

"Too bad." Was all Aiden said, leading Jax to believe that he may have learned a bit of sense in his time away.

"It sucks that you can't have a good time without her." Opie just barely smothered his laughter, but Jax continued on as if he hadn't heard it. "I'm having a fucking fantastic time myself." In his pocket he cell buzzed, pulling it out he saw he had a text from Tara. The message was simple, three words: I love you. He thought it odd, girly shit like that wasn't really Tara, but he figured it was a special occasion. With a grin he started to text her back.

"Hey, bro." Opie reached around and tapped him on the shoulder. "What's that about?"

Jax barely even glanced up. "What?" He waited to complete his text before turning his attention to where Opie pointed. Looking across the lot he could see Tara and Lyla in what looked to be a very intense conversation. Tara seemed to be growing more upset by the moment. "Shit." He started their way, but Tara took one look at him and headed quickly towards the clubhouse.

"Well, that doesn't look good." And Aiden's mood seemed to perk up considerably as he followed Opie and Jax towards the clubhouse

"Jax," Lyla cut him off. "Just give her a minute."

"Give her a minute?" Jax frowned, brain working overtime to figure out what someone could have possibly done to upset her. "What the fuck happened?"

"She found out about Ima." Lyla explained.

"What about Ima?' He tried to push her away, growing more confused by the moment. "What the fuck did you say to her? What's going on?"

Opie wrapped one large arm around Jax, keeping him in place. "Come on, brother, you knew she was going to find out sooner or later. It's not Lyla's fault."

Had everybody lost their fucking mind? He hadn't had shit to do with Ima since before he went to Ireland. What the fuck was there for Tara to find out about. "Get the fuck off me, Op."

"Jax, I'm sorry." Lyla continued. "I just thought she should hear it from me before Ima could make things worse."

"I don't know what Ima told you, but it's a fucking lie." And he'd kill her. Make that bitch sorry she was ever fucking born. "Goddamn it, Opie, I said let me go." Jax started to jerk away but found himself free of Opie's hold. "Now tell me what the fuck Ima said."

"Nothing." Lyla gave a casual shrug.

Jax fought the urge to grab the woman by her shoulders and shake the shit out of her. "Shit, just fucking move."

"Jax." Opie stopped him again. "There's nothing going on. We had to get the Irish to believe Tara was pissed at you and to go after her."

"By letting me think Tara was leaving me." As far as he was concerned that shit was not cool at all. For a moment it was like his heart had literally fucking stopped. Because he knew that if Tara thought he so much as considered cheating on her again, she'd be gone. "And what do you mean to get Aiden to go after her. Where is she?"

"Back in your old room." Opie caught Jax by the scruff of his neck, keeping him in place. "He needs to think she's vulnerable."

It didn't take him long to realize what that meant. Aiden would view Tara's vulnerability as the opening he'd need. And Jax didn't give a shit what the plan was, he was not having it. His Old Lady alone with some prick who'd been working over time to get in her pants. "No. No, I don't like it."

"Look, Juice wired your room and is watching from the chapel. Tig, Chibs, and Kozik will be by the door. Bobby's inside, too. Nothing's going to happen to her."

He knew they wouldn't let anything happen to her, knew that his brother's loved Tara and would do anything to protect her. But there was an uneasy feeling in his gut. "I need to be back there."

"We all figured as much." Opie studied him a moment. "But you gotta be calm brother."

Jax gave what could pass for a nod. He really couldn't make any promises.

* * *

"I think we've broken our dear heart."

Jax, Tig, Kozik, and Chibs were sitting just a ways up the hall from Jax's room. They were speaking in low tones so as not to alert Aiden of their presence.

"What do you mean?" Jax's gaze kept going to the door. He was growing increasingly aware of exactly what Tara had felt the morning she made her way towards his room to find him with Ima. His stomach was churning, his heart racing. Part of his mind was urging him to his feet, to get to the room to see for himself what they were doing. He tried telling himself nothing was going on, that Tara would never let Aiden touch her. Another part of him was afraid. Nervous as shit that he'd open that door and see Aiden with his hands all over Tara.

He thought about the night they killed Kohn. Seeing her half dressed, imagining what happened before she was able to get away. He honest to God, could not stand the thought of another man touching her. Logically he knew that Kohn wasn't the only man she dated in the ten years they were apart. But he'd done a hell of a job convincing himself otherwise. So now, as he sat with his brothers, he began re-thinking his plan for Aiden. If the Irish touched her, he'd have to kill him. Just as he killed the other man who touched her.

"This plan of hers," Chibs continued. "It's a little fucked up."

"She gave me the shits." Kozik argued. "It's not as fucked up as that."

"I swear." Tig had a dreamy smile on his face. "I fucking love her, I really do. This shit isn't just funny, it's slightly sadistic."

"Anybody going to tell me what this plan of hers is." Jax wondered, but all three men simply shook there head. "Why?"

"Tara wanted it to be a surprise." Tig told him.

"Like…" Chibs began to search for the word. "Think of it as an engagement present, Jackie."

A few minutes later, the apartment door opened, and Tara stepped out, a near empty bottle of Jack in her hands. Jax was the first on his feet and to reach her. Taking her face in his hands he tilted her head back, studying her as if he could see everything that happened on her face.

"Hey," She gave him an easy smile. "What are you doing back here?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Her eyes narrowed a bit, like she saw straight through the lie, but she didn't say anything. Just turned her attention to the guys. "He's out. Have at it."

When the door opened, Jax glanced inside. Saw Aiden passed out across the bed. His eyes went to the bottle in her hands. "You out drank him?"

"No, we drugged him." She paused. "I drugged him. Oh God, I drugged someone."

"Don't worry, Tara." Kozik gave her a reassuring grin. "We won't tell anyone."

"Having the shit already in the glass." Tig shook his head, a wide proud grin on his face. "It's fucking genius. I love ya, doll. I really fucking do."

"Love you, too, Tig." She tilted the bottle towards him before bringing it to her lips.

The guys stepped into his room, closing the door tightly behind them. There was a part of him that wanted in on whatever they were doing. Another part that was afraid to fucking know. "Come here." Easing an arm around her waist, Jax pulled Tara in close. Placing a finger under her chin, he tilted her face up to his. There was an absent smile curling her lips, her eyes were just a bit glassy. "You're a little tipsy." Actually she was full on drunk.

"Had a few beers. Had to actually drink a glass or two of whiskey." She placed a lingering kiss on his chin. "So yeah, I'm a bit tipsy." Her nose brushed over his jaw.

"Did you forget you're not suppose to be drinking like this?"

"Knew it was only a matter of time before you or Gemma reminded me." She tipped her head back a bit, drunken smile on her lips. "But it's a little late for the lecture. So why don't we just enjoy this."

Jax grinned as he took the bottle from her. It had been a long time since he had the pleasure of enjoying a drunken Tara. Sober Tara had sex in the bathroom of a porn studio or in the clubhouse chapel during their engagement party. Drunken Tara…drunken Tara did shit that surprised even him.

"What do you say we grab a bottle, duck outta here, and go for a ride?"

"Would love to." She used the tip of her tongue to trace the seam of his lips, but pulled back when he tried to deepen the kiss. "Unfortunately there's no way we're getting out of here before everyone is passed out or too drunk to stop us."

He knew what she said was no less than the truth. But as she started to suck absently on his bottom lip, Jax knew he had to get her out of the fucking hall. "Tara."

"Hmm," Taking hold of his cut, she walked backwards to the wall pulling him with her.

"Tara, come on." Any effort he made to stop her was slightly more than half-assed. Hell, when she began to nibble lightly at his neck he angled his head to the side to give her better access. "Fuck, babe, we gotta get out of here." He had to get her somewhere he could strip her naked and keep her that way for at least a day or two without interruption.

"Okay." Her mouth continued to his collarbone. Her hands coming up between them to start loosening the buttons on his shirt.

With a groan, Jax pressed his hips into hers, hands reaching around to cup her ass and lift her tight against him. He could hear the guys shuffling around and laughing in his old room. Bobby was out at the bar singing to himself. And Tara's mouth was on his, tongue delving into his mouth and tangling with his own. The taste of her, mixed with the whiskey on her tongue, shooting straight through him to his increasingly hardening cock.

"We gotta get out of the hall. Continue this somewhere…" She sank her teeth into his top lip, soothing the bite with the tip of her tongue. "Any fucking where else."

"Or we can fuck...anywhere."

And damn if he didn't want to. Wished to God the clubhouse was empty so that he could fuck her from one end to the other.

"I can still feel you inside me." The words were spoken softly against his ear before she caught the lobe between her teeth. Nibbling and sucking until Jax thought his eyes would cross. "Your cock and your cum."

And that did it. It was like she flipped some kind of switch in him. His mind emptied of all thought and reason, to be replaced only with thoughts of filling her. He didn't even understand how she could do this to him. The sheer multitude of women he'd had over the years should have cured him this. Yet Tara could turn him into a horny idiot. Turn him on so that the only thing he was aware of was her and how fucking good it felt to be inside her.

Pulling frantically at her dress, Jax lifted her until she could wrap her legs around his waist. All he had to do was get them the few feet down the hall, to Opie's room. Shit not even all the way inside. At this point he didn't care if his ass was hanging out as long as no one caught a glimpse of Tara.

"Where in the fuck is the happy couple?" Clay's voice proceeded the noise everyone made as they reentered the clubhouse.

"Shit." It took all the self-restraint he had to set her back on her feet and grab her hand. The plan had been to get her to Opie's room as fast as he could drag her. But the distance between the front of the clubhouse and the back rooms wasn't all that great and Clay was rounding the corner towards them before they could even take two steps.

"There you are. Didn't hear me fucking calling you? Come on, Doc, there's someone I want you to meet."

Jax knew good and hell well Clay was aware of what he'd walked in on. Shit, his shirt was undone and he was holding his jeans up. But his step-father clearly didn't give a damn as he grabbed Tara by the elbow, pulling her away from Jax, and out into the main room of the clubhouse.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." Moving slowly, as to give himself a few moments to calm down, Jax began to redress. The way he figured it, seeing the way Clay was having a ball showing Tara off, the rest of the night would be the longest of his fucking life.

* * *

"I wanna make a toast." Clay had climbed up on a chair, gave a shrill whistle to call everyone's attention to himself. With the president of the mother charter speaking, the clubhouse went dead quiet. "You live this life long enough, you see a lot of people pass in and out if it. We've all lost brothers, because they couldn't handle the life or because of some fucking tragedy. We learn the hard way that some shit just wasn't meant to be." He raised his tumbler of whiskey, pointed it at where Jax and Tara stood at the front of the crowd. "At sixteen those were two of the biggest assholes you'd ever meet. Had to be together all the fucking time. If they spent more than an hour apart it was like the end of the world. I gotta admit, at the time I chalked it up to teenage bullshit, even if they went on that way for three years. My queen saw things differently, just like I see things differently now. Some shit isn't meant to be. And some things," He nodded towards the happy couple. " Aren't meant to be any other way. To Jax and Tara."

"Jax and Tara." Bobby echoed lifting his bottle of beer in the air and getting everyone else in the clubhouse to follow suit.

Just as the noise was starting to pick back up, there was a large crash from the back. Everyone turned to the hall as a few minutes later Aiden came stumbling out. His shirt was off, jeans falling down around his thighs and revealing a pair of lacy, pink, women's panties. There was lipstick smeared across his mouth. But the best part was the life-sized doll handcuffed to his arm and an obnoxiously large lipstick stained dildo strapped to it's waist.

Caught somewhere between awe and fear, Jax turned to Tara who he could see was struggling with a grin. She must of felt his gaze on her because she turned towards him. He pointed towards Aiden and she merely shrugged.

"Holy fuck." Clay dropped down off the chair, pushed through the crowd. "Jesus Christ, Irish. You wanna be a freak do it on your own time. This is an engagement party."

"Hey, Irish." One of the Vegas brothers called out. "Isn't it a little greedy to be pitching and catching?"

"Did the doll come with the dick or did you have to buy the dick?" Needles barely got out over his laughter

"She did this to me." Aiden spun a circle, searching the room, and revealing another dildo shoved down the back of the panties.

Throwing his arm around Tara's shoulder, Jax grinned. "Well, we can see that."

"You think this is fucking funny."

"Irish," Bobby shook his head. "Everyone _knows_ this is fucking funny."

"It'll be even funnier when I take this doll and Jackson's Old Lady-"

Opie stepped forward, his face calm but his eyes full of rage. "You need to be real fucking careful."

"Fuck you."

Jax let go of his hold on Tara, giving her a look that told her he needed her to stay back. Because Opie was standing in front of him, Aiden didn't notice Jax's movement through the crowd.

"I'll say whatever I goddamn well please. To you, to the prince, and to that fucking bitch."

Opie started reach for the Irish, just as the rest of SAMCRO moved forward, but faster than anyone realized he was moving Jax had stepped forward and wrapped his hand around the Irish's throat.

"He told you to be careful." Jax's voice was low, dangerous. "Now say that shit again, say it again so I can shove that plastic dick so far up your ass it'll take a brain surgeon to remove it." His hand tightened, tightened until he saw real fear come into Aiden's eyes. And it had a cruel smile curling the corners of Jax's mouth. "My Old Lady is off fucking limits, you got it. I have to have this conversation with you again we're going to have a real fucking problem."

There was a part of him that wanted to take this farther. That wanted to drive his fist into the Irish's face repeatedly. If for no other reason than to send the message that he wasn't going to tolerate anyone or anything trying to break up his family ever again. And maybe before he would have. But as the desire to cause real harm to Aiden faded, Jax realized just how much he'd grown since the Irish dropped that Trinity bomb on his relationship. And just how far the talk he and Tara had went to easing every fear he had about their relationship.

He didn't have to send a message. Because there was nothing or no one he'd ever allow to harm his family.

"Get your clothes on, get your shit, and get the fuck out of my clubhouse."

"I'm a brother-"

"Naw," Jax shook his head. "Not in this charter. We took a vote. Nomads took you, the only charter that would. Maybe a few lonely years on the road will teach you the meaning of brotherhood." With one last squeeze to his neck, he shoved Aiden aside. "Phil, Miles, get him outta here."

"Tara, love." Chibs' was the picture of contrition as he placed a hand on Tara's shoulder. "I'm sorry he thought you were mixed up in all of this." He pulled her into a hug. And Jax could see the smile he smothered in her hair.

"I'm sorry, too, Doc." Tig apologized.

"If we'd have known he'd come after you for this..." Kozik was saying as he pulled Tara out of Chibs' arms and into his own. "You know we wouldn't let anything happen to you."

It took Jax a moment, but he realized what they were doing. Because of the other charters being present, they had to keep Tara out of everything. Couldn't let it be known that an Old Lady was in on a plot to degrade and humiliate a brother. It's why they had gotten Bobby involved, this whole part here was probably his idea.

"It's okay, guys." Tara gave them all a hesitant smile. "I'll know next time one of you say you need a bottle of my perfume to ask questions."

"Shit, sweetie." Gemma called. "No one could blame for not asking questions."


	21. Chapter 21

**I disclaim. I own nothing**

**AN: So this is it, the last chapter. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, alerted, and stuck with this story all the way through. And a great big special thanks to Eve, not just for your imput on this chapter but for letting me bounce ideas off you and getting me through when I struggled towards the end.**

**Chapter 21**

Jax realized he should have been prepared for things to go sideways. Ever since his and Tara's engagement party, things could not have been going better for him. He'd gotten the guys to agree to two new business ventures: a tattoo parlor and a collision shop. Neither would bring in gun money, but it would bring in clean money.

Tara had been incredible. He knew Gemma, who pretty much ignored his plea for her to let up, was driving her good and fucking crazy. But his Old Lady had yet to snap, had barely complained. Jax had a feeling that had a lot to do with her deciding against a SAMCRO wedding. The wedding would be just the two of them and the boys, he was almost certain of it. And he couldn't say he was really bothered by that.

So he'd gone to Opie's party in a celebratory mood. And he planned on getting good and fucked up. And he was well on his way. His system was basically washed in beer, whiskey, and bud. Another few hours and he was going to go home and crawl between Tara's thighs. At least that had been his plan before his cell phone rang. Before his mother demanded he get his ass to the bar where they were throwing Lyla's party. Opie and Chibs decided to ride with him, as they both had Old Ladies at the party. Gemma hadn't given Clay a choice. He wasn't entirely sure why Tig came, but didn't bother questioning it either.

When they pulled up in front of the bar Jax figured the lack of police cruisers were a good thing, as he was aware with his mother and Tara just about anything could have jumped off. Stepping into the bar the first thing he noticed was the complete lack of a party atmosphere. There were plenty of women milling around, most he recognized from around the clubhouse and Caracara. There was a blonde sitting at the bar holding a bloody rag to her nose that he assumed was responsible for the party coming to a hault.

"Goddamn it."

"This is not Tara's fault."

Jax frowned, confused not only by Margaret Murphy's presence but also by her being so upset with him. "Huh?"

"That…._woman_." And clearly Margaret was using the term loosely. "Came in here and provoked Dr. Knowles. Now if-"

"Hey! Hey," Clay held his hands up, clearly annoyed. "We look like the fucking cops to you lady. Just tell us what the hell happened."

"I can tell you what happened." Tig was standing at the bar, Jax wasn't sure when he walked away from the group. There was a large ridiculous grin on his face and his cell at his ear. "Doc beat the shit out of the cum queen here."

Jax's vision cleared slightly, unceremoniously shoving Margaret out of his way, he headed towards the bar. And sure enough it was Ima, her face a bruised and bloody mess. "Ah shit. Is she okay?"

"Do I look okay?" Ima began, her voice muffled by the towel. "She-"

There was a moment where he could only give Ima a baffled look. "I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about Tara. Where is she? She didn't fuck up her hands or anything did she?"

"Jackson," Gemma came out of the back, heading straight towards him but she quickly became distracted by Ima. "Didn't we tell you to get out of here. You have a goddamn death wish."

"Mom," Jax snapped, drawing her attention back to the matter at hand. "Where's Tara?"

"She's fine, Jax. We had to pull her off this bitch and drag her into the back."

"That fucking doctor," Ima began. "Is crazy. I was only here to see Lyla and that bitch just attacked me."

"I told you to stay the hell away from my Old Lady." Jax began calmly. "Now seeing as you can't take direction, you're fucking fired."

"But Jax, she attacked me."

"Tara was simply defending herself." Margaret stepped in quickly. "This was a private party, you came in provoked and lunged for Tara. She responded as anyone would have."

For a moment Jax could only stare at Margaret. He knew she wasn't doing this for him, knew she was once again trying to protect Tara and her career. But he was still grateful to her. "You're out, Ima. And don't you ever set foot in Charming."

"Better do what he says, honey. The only reason you're not dead is because I don't want my grandsons growing up without a mother." A pleased smirk curled at the corners of Gemma's mouth. "Go away whore and don't come back."

There was a sudden commotion at the door, Jax turned to see the rest of the club rush in.

"Tiggy called, he said-" Kozik was the first one through the door and was slightly out of breath. His eyes scanned the bar, lighting up with a horrible glee when they landed on Ima. "Oh, fuck, she did clock her. That's my girl."

"Ho-holy shit." Juice was grinning widely as he walked to Ima and pulled the towel away and practically laughed in her face.

Bobby all but stumbled towards the bar. Pulling out his cell he held it up as if to take pictures. "Piney's going to be sorry he missed this."

"Bobby, come on." Clay's tone was censoring. "Juice, take her home, make sure she doesn't get any sudden urges to stop into any police stations on her way." He stepped forward, large body blocking Ima from leaving. "You cause trouble for my daughter in law again and I'll make sure you regret it for the rest of your goddamn life."

Juice was still laughing when he took Ima's arm and all but pulled her out of the bar.

"I've a question." Bobby was standing next to Margaret, looking at the woman as if she'd grown a second head. "What's she doing here?"

"Tara invited her. I think it was her way of letting us know that anything we decided to do for her wedding, she wanted the redhead there." Gemma rolled her eyes, obviously not at all happy with Tara's relationship with Margaret.

"Op!" Lyla came out of the back, eyes full of unshed tears, and flung herself into Opie's arms.

"Baby, hey, what's wrong?" There was a bit of confusion on Opie's face. "Tara didn't hit you, too, did she?"

Jax would have laughed if he didn't know that was a strong possibility depending on her mood.

"No," Lyla shook her head. "She…I just can't believe…no one has ever stood up for me that way."

"Will someone please explain what the hell happened." Chibs demanded.

"Ima came. I didn't invite her." Lyla turned to the club. "I wouldn't have disrespected Tara that way, I don't even know how Ima found out about the party. But as soon as I saw her I asked her to leave. I tried to make her leave."

"But the stupid bitch wouldn't listen." Gemma picked up the story. "She started insulting Lyla."

"She told me that it didn't matter if I quit porn or who I started hanging out with that I…that I would always be a coked out used pussy."

"That fucking bitch." Opie all but growled the words out.

"That's when Tara stepped in. But Ima, being the brain trust that she is, didn't seem to realize that was the time to shut her mouth." There was a proud smirk on Gemma's lips. "She mentioned something about the bathroom at Caracara, said Tara was just as much of a whore as Lyla was."

"Obviously she wasn't aware that whore seems to be Tara's trigger word." Margaret said with just a little too much knowledge.

Reaching up, Jax ran his hand over his beard. Thought Ima should consider herself lucky, as he put a bullet in the head of the last person who called Tara a whore.

"She's aware now." Lyla couldn't help but to laugh. "I mean, I could see on Tara's face she was about to lose it. But Ima didn't, she started to say something about Abel...Tara stopped her."

"Hey, Doc." Tig had somehow made his way behind the bar. He had shot glasses lined up and a bottle of whiskey in his hand. And the second he saw Tara come out of the back with Fiona and Kerrianne, a grin broke out a cross his face. "I gotta good one for you. A doctor and a porn star walk into a bar…"

"Cut it out, bro." Jax tossed over his shoulder as he made his way to Tara. He wasn't sure if she would accept him. Was a little nervous that seeing Ima would remind her of just how he treated her when Abel went missing. Nervous that it would set them back ten paces. "You okay?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yeah." She lifted her hands, let them fall helplessly back to her side. "I just…I'm upset I let her get to me. I shouldn't have lost it that way."

Taking her hands, Jax brought them up between them. He examined her knuckles, ran his fingers over her palms. Checking for bruises, broken skin, or swelling.

Tara, aware of what he was doing, shook her head. "I didn't hit her. My hands are fine. I…used the bar."

"She slammed the trollops head into the bar." Fiona announced.

"Repeatedly." Kerrianne added.

"Okay," Tara held up her hands when it looked like Lyla was going to add more. "It happened, I'd like to forget it. Everyone didn't have to come, it's fine. It's Opie and Lyla's night, we should get back to it. I'm sure you all have strippers and beer being deprived of your presence back at the clubhouse."

That she was smiling as she said it and gave him a playful shove set Jax's mind at ease as to where her head was. His hand went to her hip, planning to pull her close for a kiss, but he was surprised when he was met with metal. Looking down he couldn't help but grin at the handcuffs hooked to the belt loop of her jeans. "What's this?"

"My prize."

More like my prize, Jax thought as he continued to grin. "For what?"

"We played a game, I won." She held up another pair hooked behind her back. "Twice."

Gemma was frowning at the two of them. "Two of you ever heard of a little thing called a bed. God only knows where my grandson was conceived."

Jax only turned to Tara with a blank look.

"It was a sex game." Tara gave a nervous nod, dropping her voice so as not to be overheard by anyone else. "Place and position thing. I won both times."

"Fuck yeah we did." Because there was no doubt in his mind that he was part of Tara's win. And already his mind was spinning with ways they could put those handcuffs to use. Their headboard wasn't really conducive to handcuffs but he was willing to bet he could find a way to make it work. "We should go test these things out."

"Go back to your party." Her lips curled and there was more than a hint of mischief in her eyes. "I'll stay here and maybe win a couple more pair."

Jax could only grin. "That's my girl."

* * *

By the time the prospects all but dragged him to his door several hours later Jax was good and fucked up. But even with his head swimming, he hadn't forgotten about Tara's party favors. They were going to have a hell of a time with those things. As his plan formulated in his booze soaked mind, a shit eating grin spread across his lips and he began to absently pat down his pockets looking for his keys. "Shit, we gotta go back to the clubhouse." He tried to turn, step off the porch, but Phil caught him. "I need keys, can't get in."

The porch light flipped on and Jax had to shut his eyes at the suddenly bright light, when he opened them he was looking into the face of his extremely annoyed Old Lady. He broke away from Phil and stumbled into the house, practically falling into Tara's arms. "Hey, babe." His hands instantly began to move over her, his mouth busying itself at the crook of her neck.

"Someone had a good time."

"Oh, yeah." Jax growled into her neck. His hands went to the hem of the T-shirt she wore as he pushed her against the door.

"You need any help getting him to bed, Tara?"

Having actually forgot Phil was standing there, Jax lifted his head slightly. His confused frown quickly turning into a glare at being interrupted. "No, she doesn't need any help. Now get the fuck outta here so I can knock her up again." He pulled Tara away from the door so that he could slam it shut. "Now where were we." He started to shove her back against the wall but she danced out of his arms.

"Wait, just wait." The look in her eye could only be described as amused. "Come on." She was very clearly laughing at him. "Lyla's going to kill Opie."

Pushing himself off the wall, Jax followed her back to the kitchen. His eyes on the hem of the T-shirt and the way it gave him teasing glimpses of her ass as she walked. "Why? What'd Op do?"

"Besides get completely fucked up the night before her wedding?" Reaching into a cabinet she pulled out a bottle of aspirin then grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge. "Here," She dumped a few pills into his hand. "Take these."

"I don't think Op is fucked up." He tossed the pills into his mouth before taking the bottle of water she offered. After he swallowed the pills, he tried to put the water down but she forced it back up to his mouth until he finished the whole thing.

"When was the last time you saw Opie tonight?"

Jax could only stare at her blankly.

"Did he leave with you?"

"Naw, he was still there." He was grinning again when he reached out to pull her into his arms. "I came home cause I wanted you."

With a smile, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "You are so fucked up, Mr. Teller."

"I am." He nodded proudly.

"And you stink." Because he was drunk she was able to shove him back a step. "You are not getting in my bed smelling like this."

When she grabbed his cut and lead him to the bathroom, visions of taking her against the shower wall dancing in his head, Jax happily followed. Although his eagerness wavered a bit when she went to the tub instead of the shower. "Shower's over here, babe."

She bent over the tub to start the water and the jets going. "I know where the shower is, baby."

"I'm not taking a fucking bath with a bunch of bubbles and shit."

"Well," She picked up a clip off the counter, quickly twisting her hair up into a loose knot. "I'm taking a bath. So if you want to shower you can, but you'll be showering alone."

Jax scoffed. She wasn't getting him in that fucking tub. He hated baths, hated feeling pinned down and trapped. Hated it even more now than he did before he went inside. He knew she thought he'd cave, but this time he wasn't giving in.

Lately Tara had been on this kick where she thought she could get him to do whatever she wanted by doing something really fucking cute or taking off all her clothes. Jax didn't know where she got that shit from. Anymore than he knew why he let her fucking get away with it. He'd been meaning to put a stop to it. Clay was always giving him shit about being pussy whipped and he was getting a little sick of hearing it. So whatever Tara thought she was doing, he was going to put a stop to it.

* * *

"See, this is no different than the time we snuck into the Hales' yard and used their hot tube."

Sitting comfortable between her thighs, Jax laid his head back on her shoulder with a contented sigh. He wasn't exactly clear on how she got him into the tub. He'd gone to the shower, had every intention on stepping inside, but then Tara lifted the T-shirt over her head and he was pretty much gone.

He didn't want to be happy about it, had every intention of sulking through it, but none of that mattered once she started to wash his hair. Having her sure confident fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp, had been fantastic. Any complaint he could have made or wanted to make was lost in those moments. Now her fingers were playing lightly over his chest and stomach, her lips at his temple and Jax very seriously considered curling up and going to sleep right where he was.

"I want to get married soon." Tara spoke the words softly, breaking the silence that hung over them.

Lazily, Jax lifted one of her hands up to his lips. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Jax, I don't see the point of waiting. I don't _want_ to wait."

"Then we won't." With a sigh, because he could hear in her voice that she was getting worked up over something, Jax shifted forward. He sobered up some, he wasn't even sure how she managed that, so he was steady on his feet when he stepped out of the tub and reached for a towel. "Come on."

When she stood up, he wrapped the towel around her. Using the edges to pull her close. "What's going on with you?"

Tara's hands came up to his face, her eyes held his a moment before she pulled his mouth down to hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too." But he knew her and he knew something was bothering her. And he wasn't going to let her get around telling him. They were done dancing around each other on things like this.

The smile touched her lips but didn't quite reach her eyes, she kissed the boys' names before stepping around him and into the bedroom.

"Tara. I can't fix this unless you tell me what's wrong."

But for long moments she didn't say anything. Jax ran the towel roughly over his body even as he kept his eyes on her. All her movements were slow, deliberate. He thought she was working through whatever it was that had her so twisted up. "Tara."

At the sound of his voice she startled, almost as if she'd forgotten he was there. "I…I had fun tonight. Didn't you have fun?"

No, that hadn't been what he was expecting at all. But he was in and figured he'd just go along with her on this train. "Yeah."

"I mean, not even that porn slut showing up and trying to ruin Lyla's night could ruin things. I was there with your mother and Margaret and Fiona and Lyla and…all these different parts of my life, you know. And I felt…not like I do when I'm here with you and the boys, but...I felt part of it. Like that was the way it should be."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No. No," She crawled onto the bed, moving close until her hip was pressed against his. "These past couple days have been great. But our history-"

"Things don't stay great for long." Jax finished as he brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

"They go shit side up. When they do, this time, I want us to be married."

He couldn't describe just what that meant to him. He knew that for Tara having that promise, that security from him, meant a lot. She needed to know that when things went bad he was with her a hundred percent. But it meant something to him as well. He liked knowing that she was going to stick. She tried after Abel was taken, staying with him through all his shit until he gave her no other choice but to go. He didn't deserve another chance, but she was giving him one. Letting him know that no matter what comes their way she wasn't going anywhere. Giving it back to her was the least he could do.

Laying back in the bed, Jax pulled her down with him, holding her tight against his side. "Alright. Get next weekend off. We'll get married and then we'll take the boys, go somewhere. Just the four of us."

Tara pressed her lips to his chest again. "Thank you. One more thing."

Jax couldn't help but to laugh. He should have known, with Tara there was always more. "Shit. Of course."

"I want you to decide what to do about your father's letters, Jax."

And just like that, he was no longer laughing. He'd done a very good job with not giving those letters another thought since she gave them to him. But with just a mention he felt the weight of them. "I don't know, Tara. I gotta feeling they're going to change shit. I mean really change shit."

"I'm not going to lie to you, baby, but they are going to change things. A lot of things. But it won't change us, our family. And whatever you decide to do about those letters, Abel, Ben, and I will always be here."

And it surprised him to realize that's all that mattered.

* * *

He woke up a few hours later with the most uncomfortable feeling in his ribs. Turning his head he found Abel wedged between him and Tara. He didn't know how the kid managed to climb into the bed, though he had a sneaking suspicion Tara woke up and helped him. Either way he was beginning to regret winning the argument about Abel's toddler bed. He had a feeling the kid was going to be crawling in their bed a lot of nights.

Abel was on his back, his head on Tara's shoulder, his feet shoved forward into Jax's side. Slowly, so as not to wake him, Jax began to shift Abel so that he was laying straight. But Abel only flopped over onto his stomach, snuggling his face into Tara's neck, and his feet once again shoving at Jax's side.

"You're killing me, kid." Climbing out of the bed, Jax reached for the pair of jeans that had been laying on the floor. Pulling the jeans on, he couldn't help but take a moment to stare at Tara and Abel

They had saved him. Jax wasn't sure just what he'd be if it wasn't for the two of them. Letting them go had been the hardest thing he'd ever done, but at the time he was so sure it was what was best for them. And maybe it still was. He was willing to admit that pulling them both back had been selfish. He needed them. Needed them more than either of them probably needed him. But he didn't care. They were his and he knew now how to protect them. And he wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of his turning the club around, of keeping them safe.

Jax wasn't sure what had him going towards the closet, pulling the letters down off the shelf Tara kept them on. Shoving the letters into the back pocket of his jeans he walked down to the nursery. Ben, very much his mother's son, was still fast asleep. He barely even shifted when Jax lifted him out of his crib.

"You'll sleep with daddy, won't you Ben." Cuddling his son in his arms, Jax walked through to the play area. Turning the lights on low, he tossed the letters onto the couch before lowering himself down next to them. Ben snuggled into his chest, hand reaching out to tangle in the chain hanging from his neck.

For the first time since his and Tara's argument, Jax allowed himself to think about just how close he came to not having his baby boy. It twisted him up, clenched his heart so tightly he could barely breathe around it. Ben was the best of him and Tara, he just knew it. Every day Ben looked more like him, more like Abel. And every day he'd make a face that was so much like Tara. The only thing that tripped him out more was watching Abel make gestures that were so distinctly Tara.

He hated that there was a time he didn't want Abel. Hated that things had gotten so bad for him and Tara that she didn't want Ben.

"You're never going to know that." Jax whispered softly to his son. "You and your brother are only going to know how much me and your mom love you." His eyes went back to the letters.

He was going to be better than his father, stronger. He was going to be strong for Tara, for the boys. Whatever happened, whatever he learned, he swore he wouldn't let it break him. Break _them._ "I'm not going to let anything happen to our family. I won't let any of you get hurt. I promise."

Pressing a kiss to the top of Ben's head, he whispered his love for his son. And with a shaking breath reached for the stack of letters.


End file.
